And I Wrote This Book.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Interview With Jillian Michaels of The Biggest Loser: IWSG

 
Founded by none other than Captain Ninja Alex, the IWSG provides a venue to express writerly insecurities and/or offer words of encouragement. Join us, if you' haven't already. All that's required is an insecurity or two hundred.
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Robyn walks onto the stage wearing baggy sweatpants, flip-flops, and a raggedy T-shirt that reads, "I'm not pregnant. I just really love chocolate!" Get pumped, ladies and gentlemen! Exercise diva extraordinaire, best known for her fierce training tactics on The Biggest Loser, Jillian Michaels, is here! Let's welcome her! All the men in the audience throw their shirts off and start flexing. The women, enraged, take sledge hammers to their bathroom scales - which they happened to have brought with them - and leave the studio in tears. 
  
Jillian runs out towards Robyn, dressed as so:
google images
Robyn: Thank you f--

Jillian: shouts angrily at Robyn.. Drop and give me 20!

A shaking Robyn drops onto the floor, reaches for her purse, and scrambles to find a 20 dollar bill. She stands up and extends her arm towards Jillian's tight shorts, as if prepping to place the bill in them. Jillian snatches it away and throws it at Robyn. No, you stupid b*tch! Give me 20 push-ups.

Robyn: Oh, no problem. Robyn moves her hand up her shirt, appearing to reach into her bra, and pulls out a Vosges Milk Chocolate Bacon Bar. Here, hold this first. She hands it to Jillian. Jillian takes and then drops the chocolate, disgusted as ever. Twenty minutes and two commercial breaks later, Robyn's done. She's sweating profusely but smiling with pride.

Jillian: You disgust me!

Robyn: Really, cuz I was hoping to - you know - give you a good workout. Robyn winks at Jillian. She eyes Jillian's abs, and then her cleavage. 

Jillian: Get to work!

Robyn: Oh, okay. Well, I asked you here for the IWSG, 'cuz I'm feeling insecure about my lack of energy. I haven't had any since, well, since I was in my twenties. Like decades ago. Robyn chuckles and attempts to stifle her tears. So I'm, I'm just rarely motivated and focused enough to get any solid writing done. But you've cranked out a bunch of books, screamed people into shape for years on end, and you seem to always be energetic. And you're pushing 40, though we wouldn't know it b*tch! Do you have any words of wisdom to share with us?

Jillian: You gotta sweat. You gotta work really, really hard. Do you think I looked this great all my life?

Robyn: Yes.

Jillian: You're right, but that's just me. Everyone else needs to work their ass off! Don't give up. Look at all the losing winners on my show. They had a goal, pushed and pushed, and they achieved it. Pretend I'm shouting in your ear, if you need to. Just keep at it!

Robyn's distracted by Jillian's well-defined calves, and then she sees her chocolate bar behind Jillian's feet. Her eyes widen. Well, that's all the time we have. Thanks. See ya. She directs Jillian towards the exit. Jillian grunts and darts off. Robyn grabs the bacon flavored chocolate bar, rips off the wrapping and starts devouring it. The credits start to roll. 

49 comments:

  1. Haha that was fun to read. Was she not tempted to try just one piece of chocolate? Really can I have her piece then?

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  2. If she was my personal trainer, I'd work harder. Really!! Wait, she's almost forty? And looks like that? Crap, forget it - hand me a box of Hot Tamales.

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  3. Jillian looks a tad muscular to me. I'm not sure if I would want to hit on her or ask her to wrestle.

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  4. I do like Jillian... but she needs just a little more weight on her. Great interview!

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  5. Loved the part about the 20 dollar bill AND you so deserved that chocolate bacon bar after surviving a workout with Jillian.

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  6. Maybe writers should have special chocolate that can only be opened after we've reached a set word count?

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  7. That creature can write books? Are you sure she isn't paying someone to write them for her? The only book of hers I would read is one with the title My Life as a Dominatrix.

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  8. Hahaha...loved the part about the twenty dollar bill!

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  9. Hmm, she sounds like a school P.T instructor. Loved the post. Actually, it wouldn't be bad if I had such an instructor ;)

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  10. I'd be in trouble. I don't think I could do 20 pushups. I feel so out of shape now.

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  11. Suzanne, sorry, I ate it all. THank you. Smiles.

    Alex, I know. I figured she was still in her 20s. Damn her.

    David, I'm sure you wouldn't. You're too smart for that.

    MyJourney, and pull her sweats/sweatpants up a taad.

    JustKeepinIt, thank you! I thought so.

    Patsy, that's a great idea.

    GB, you're probably right. She looks like a Dominatrix and likely pays a ghostwriter - in favors.

    Debra, is that a euphemism for mad jealously? In that case, yes I do!

    Plowing, thanks. Luckily, she returned it. I bought more chocolate.
    Rachna, she's almost as bad.

    Diane, me too. Age does creep up on ya. Damn her!

    xoRobyn

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  12. When I read the title, I thought for a second it was real, and I was like, "Greaaaat." Not.

    But thank goodness it was a b***h fest!! Ahhh, big sigh of relief, like unbuttoning the waist of those too-tight pants (which I'd actually know nothing about since I only own stretch pants.Not kidding.). The interview rocked! Now, I'm going to find some chocolate to eat. Heh, heh, heh. :-)

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  13. Damn, she ages well indeed. Would have guessed late 20's. more chocolate for you at least

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  14. This really made me laugh Robyn, especially when you said that you weren't pregnant, just fat (I don't think you're fat though!) Great post, she seems like a nice enough lady though she's very intimidating.

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  15. You do these "interviews" very well. Very funny:D

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  16. I knew you wouldn't disappoint. I love these IWSG interviews. who needs abs, give me chocolate any day.

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  17. Forget the push ups! I'll take the salted bacon chocolate bar!!

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  18. Women like Jillian tend to look at guys like me as if we were bacteria.

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  19. Sounds about right. Did you know she struggled with weight as a child? I had no idea until about a couple of seasons ago. Made me even more impressed. Sometimes I wish she would come train me.

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  20. HA! That was a fun read.

    Guess what? Your book already came in the mail today! Fast, huh?

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  21. I just don't know if I could eat chocolate and bacon together. But, that Jillian annoys me to no end.

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  22. I've never seen her shows, but she scares me! She does have an amazing body, but frankly, I love chocolate more than I want to look like that. She can keep looking great, and I can keep stuffing my face. To each their own ;)

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  23. What a fun interview! I think she would of taken the 20 and still made you do 20 push-ups. She comes across as one mean b****. I would lose weight from sweating and/or crying if she yelled at me.

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  24. How funny! You're right, everything takes hard work and sweat.

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  26. What a great interview. I bet she IS a complete hardass, even in just her every day life. Lighten up, lady. It's not worth it if everyone thinks you have the personality of a crusty 60 year old drill sergeant.

    Also, I just have to say, I love that picture, because I can imagine her even just walking out in public with her fingerless gloves. Business meeting? Oh, better bring the fingerless gloves. Because she totally needs those...

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  27. Lexa, I'd be far too scared to even be in the same room with that b*tch!

    Pat, I know. That b*tch! LOL.

    YW, you make me laugh. Thanks for your sweetness.

    Robin, thanks so much.

    Faraway and Johanna, now we're talking.

    Stephen, she IS a snob. She looks at most anyone except the reflection in the mirror as if they're bacteria.

    BabySis, I didn't know that. I should give her credit, but she's too hot. And not very nice.

    Susan, you're awesome. Thanks.

    Ruth, agree.

    Theresa & Cheryl, I shuddered in fear just imagining this - while eating chocolate. Yes, we'll keep our cocoa and she can keep her waist line. That b*tch!

    BnB, I know. It's the weirdest thing. She wears them everywhere - as if trying to draw attention to her svelte fingers or something. I wonder if she wears them skiing.

    Be well, all.
    Keep a smile,
    xoRobyn

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  28. This was actually hilarious! I enjoyed reading this very much.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

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  29. I could to a million pushups IF I knew there was chocolate involved as a reward LOL.

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  30. Hey Robyn,

    Can you believe it? Believe what, Gary? Glad you asked. I have only now visited your site at almost four on Friday morning. Impressed? Extra chocolate for me? Must be real chocolate and not Hershey's. Can I say that?

    Luckily, I have no idea who Jillian is. No worries about your energy levels, Robyn. Your incentive to write and fell good about everything, is to realise what this posting is really all about. Yes indeed, "IWSG" aka "I Was Seeking Gary". Enough to inspire anybody, I reckon.

    The Biggest Loser also has a British version. How about that )

    Thanks again for your contribution to this amazing theme.

    Gary :) x

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  31. That pushy little bitch.

    I love your interviews, Robyn.

    M.L. Swift, Writer

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  32. I do think better after I've done some kind of activity. It's like my brain gets cranked up.

    This post was so fun to read, I smiled all the way through. I can't believe she's almost 40!

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  33. Jillian Michaels doesn't EAT chocolate - she permits herself to SMELL it on alternate Thursdays.

    Poor thing. Remind me to go home and have a Bailey's with a side of M & M's.

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  34. Jillian, Jillian. Do you know, Robyn, that she is short like us? She's so fit that you can't even tell. Le sigh.

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  35. chortle - are there really bacon flavored chocky bars out there ? xo

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  36. Robyn, you can NOT exercise with me anytime. Maybe we could exercise our faces by chewing chocolate. Would that be enough activity to burn any calories we ingest?

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  37. I wish i looked like her. I have just dropped chocolate mousse on my white t-shirt. sigh.........

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  38. Haaha that's great Robyn - funny how the slim and usually young, tell us how to look good!
    I don't know her but she does look good -no wonder, that's her job - its a wonder we don't resemble pens... or a keyboard... as a matter of fact - my mouse is growing across the midriff.... sigh.. getting older and slower! ahhhh off to find some chocolate!
    funny stuff
    xo

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  39. Gina, thanks.

    Good point, Optimist! Me too.

    Donna, any time.

    Bev, I'm on my way to join you.

    Dawn, I didn't know she's a shorty. But you can't tell. Another reason to hate her!

    David, yes and they're damn good.


    Gary, really? There's a British virgin? I mean, version? Sorry to hear that.

    Mike, thank you. She is a pushy little bitch.

    WordsCrafter, her age is shocking. If she ever smiled, she'd look even younger.

    Thank you all for making me smile.

    Keep faith and a stash of chocolate.
    xoRobyn

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  40. A very practical instructor. lol.. This is a lovely post. The dollar bill version is very catchy..Good work done. Hope you pass by my page to read about addiction..

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  41. Give me 20!
    Love that.
    Think I'll use it.

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  42. By the way...Jillian...
    I wouldn't throw her out of bed for eating crackers.
    <<>>
    Right, Crackers?

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  43. Where can I get your t-shirt? Something tells me that even in a weak moment you couldn't bring yourself to eat a chocolate bar with bacon in it. Maybe pork rinds but not bacon. Very funny Robyn!

    Julie

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  44. Thanks, Ebeny. Good to see you again.

    Al, you could try to throw her out of bed, but would you really want to get into a bedroom brawl with her? Silly question. Never mind. PS I heard that she prefers women. Think about the possibilities: watching two women in bed...eating crackers.

    Julie, the t-shirt logo is my specialty. I'll send you one. The bacon chocolate bar really exists, and I like it. It's intensely rich. I'm not much of a pork rind fan. (I do like turkey bacon and usually abstain from pork.) Smiles.

    xoRobyn

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