Founded by none other than Captain Ninja Alex,
the IWSG provides a venue to express writerly insecurities and/or offer
words of encouragement. Join us, if you' haven't already. All
that's required is an insecurity or two hundred.
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Robyn walks onto the stage wearing baggy sweatpants, flip-flops, and a raggedy T-shirt that reads, "I'm not pregnant. I just really love chocolate!" Get pumped, ladies and gentlemen! Exercise diva extraordinaire, best known for her fierce training tactics on The Biggest Loser, Jillian Michaels, is here! Let's welcome her! All the men in the audience throw their shirts off and start flexing. The women, enraged, take sledge hammers to their bathroom scales - which they happened to have brought with them - and leave the studio in tears.
Jillian runs out towards Robyn, dressed as so:
google images
Robyn: Thank you f--
Jillian: shouts angrily at Robyn.. Drop and give me 20!
A shaking Robyn drops onto the floor, reaches for her purse, and scrambles to find a 20 dollar bill. She stands up and extends her arm towards Jillian's tight shorts, as if prepping to place the bill in them. Jillian snatches it away and throws it at Robyn. No, you stupid b*tch! Give me 20 push-ups.
Robyn: Oh, no problem. Robyn moves her hand up her shirt, appearing to reach into her bra, and pulls out a Vosges Milk Chocolate Bacon Bar. Here, hold this first. She hands it to Jillian. Jillian takes and then drops the chocolate, disgusted as ever. Twenty minutes and two commercial breaks later, Robyn's done. She's sweating profusely but smiling with pride.
Jillian: You disgust me!
Robyn: Really, cuz I was hoping to - you know - give you a good workout. Robyn winks at Jillian. She eyes Jillian's abs, and then her cleavage.
Jillian: Get to work!
Robyn: Oh, okay. Well, I asked you here for the IWSG, 'cuz I'm feeling insecure about my lack of energy. I haven't had any since, well, since I was in my twenties. Like decades ago. Robyn chuckles and attempts to stifle her tears. So I'm, I'm just rarely motivated and focused enough to get any solid writing done. But you've cranked out a bunch of books, screamed people into shape for years on end, and you seem to always be energetic. And you're pushing 40, though we wouldn't know it b*tch! Do you have any words of wisdom to share with us?
Jillian: You gotta sweat. You gotta work really, really hard. Do you think I looked this great all my life?
Robyn: Yes.
Jillian: You're right, but that's just me. Everyone else needs to work their ass off! Don't give up. Look at all the losing winners on my show. They had a goal, pushed and pushed, and they achieved it. Pretend I'm shouting in your ear, if you need to. Just keep at it!
Robyn's distracted by Jillian's well-defined calves, and then she sees her chocolate bar behind Jillian's feet. Her eyes widen. Well, that's all the time we have. Thanks. See ya. She directs Jillian towards the exit. Jillian grunts and darts off. Robyn grabs the bacon flavored chocolate bar, rips off the wrapping and starts devouring it. The credits start to roll.
