Sunday, January 24, 2010

What Makes for Greatness? aka Did You Ever Try to Hide A Fallen Cherry Tree in Your Backyard?

While Haiti faces devastation across its people and land, and while human beings throughout patches of the earth witness inexplicable atrocities on a daily basis, one famous American (Heidi Montag, not to mention any names) fights to convince her fans that her decision to undergo 10 plastic surgeries in one day was influenced by God’s will.

Ms. Montag, what I’d like to say to you, girlfriend, with not a smidgen of respect whatsoever but every intention of offending, is as follows: Get your head out of your a-, as- You ask who she is. So do I. The best response I can give is the likely estimate that she’s just another dumb blond famous American. Those four words (i.e., “dumb blond famous American”) typify greater (i.e., lesser) American values. Let's be honest. Did I mention that I’m part Canadian and only partly blond? Well, the blond is gray now, but I do prefer to call it blond. Sorry. Keep faith, my dear reader. Something meaningful is in the works. That’s gotta be true. Right? Somewhere someone in the world is hard at work on something meaningful right about now.

Back to our American value “system,” this blessed nation seems to have (de)volved into a people that worships anyone who (1) generally appears attractive, with blondness a key factor of said attractiveness; (2) was born into a wealthy family; and (3) has a strikingly limited quantity of active brain cells.

Further, it appears to help one’s reputation to, say, produce a pornographic video that will naturally be released by the ex upon the inevitable break-up. Another means for enhancing one’s notoriety might be to marry in Vegas several times a year and birth several kids then transport these children in one's vehicle without strapping them in safely. Perhaps the complexities of fastening a seatbelt are too complex.

Sadly, the real heroes are never really appreciated during their lifetimes. Now, we even chunk Washington and Lincoln together in one celebration of President’s Day. Why give poor Lincoln the shaft once again? The man’s excruciating existence entailed fighting every minute, even within his own party, to argue that human beings should not enslave other human beings. Lincoln set the groundwork for other heroes like Martin Luther King Jr. to carry the torch.

In comparison, what are we looking at with good 'ole George? He did lead the militia and government, but it's believed that he owned slaves. This is a fairly well substantiated but selectively forgotten detail. Alas, the cherry tree store is universally embraced. We all know that, when George was a mere lad, he chopped down a cherry tree. It must have taken a lot of muscle flexing on the little guy's part. Subsequently, with the fallen tree within immediate visual range of their abode, Georgie confessed to his pops that he had chopped it down. Yet 'lil George confessed only upon paternal interrogation. Rather a stretch to merit a shared day with Lincoln. What choice did Georgie have? You're hard pressed to hide a fallen cherry tree.

What I’m saying amidst all this talk of blondness and fallen cherry trees and all is that our American values are warped. Great people are hated because they are threats to the idiots, and the idiots far outnumber the greats. Too many stupid people are extolled for time immemorial. Meanwhile, we would do well to take lessons from much less privileged, and much wiser, societies.W

My point is not one of blond-bashing. I did in fact go fully blond years ago.Plus, I have known some brilliant blond women and men, and I'm Ellen DeGenes’ #one-millionth fan. She’s a cute,  smart, hilarious woman with blond hair. With a smart, sexy, talented wife with blond hair too.
Americans are generally stupid. Blond, bald, auburn, green, whatever’s on the surface of our scalps, we are stupid. We call someone great because they’re viewed by the masses as attractive -perhaps because they have blond hair, or make pornographic videos. Actually, the degree of a person's genuine talent is often inversely related to their popularity.


16 comments:

  1. I like your asides, Robyn. What's with the chocolate haters? My keyboard is nourished by falling bits of chocolate!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't like Cherries...nor Blondes (I'm a 'brunette man' and prefer raspberries, blueberries or strawberries)

    ReplyDelete
  3. You can evaluate a culture by the heroes they keep and you can also do the same with people. I always ask myself... who are my heroes? How do I use them to help move my own life forward?

    Kindest regards and I like the way you think.

    Tom Bailey

    ReplyDelete
  4. Tina, THANK YOU. I was beginning to feel quite insecure about the title of my blog..seemed to be starting a riot in the coffee shop! (How can anyone not like chocolate? Oh well, more for me.)

    Blase, I'm glad you have your priorities straight (e.g., brunettes, blueberries, etc.). I won't go there with a "cherry" joke, my friend, since I think I get how your mind works. Thanks for following. I'm honored!

    Tom, yes. Thanks for that clarity. I need to more consciously check myself regarding personal heroes.

    Cheers,
    Robyn

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think you are spot-on with this post! I have to admit to a weakness for crap-magazines but does it count that I never buy them? I once heard a term for all of the madness called 'Celebutard': famous for absolutely nothing, or being a retard.

    p.s. Wasn't George Washington blonde and from a rich family? I don't know about the sex tape though.



    http://lifebeginsat30ty.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  6. personally i think brunette is much, much prettier than blondes. while elizabeth taylor is stunning, cindy crowfer is just another pretty face among millions. wait til she's 70 and you'll see. but that's just me.

    george washington was appointed as the president because he 'looked like a president.' they had to prop him up with a cherry tree for lack of glorious merrit. perhaps that explained the stupidity of 'looks over brains' now so prevalent in this great nation - we started off with the wrong foot.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I must agree with you on a few of your points.
    1. Some Americans are stupid.
    2. Some people idolize the "BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE". (Listen to the song of that name by Marilyn Manson).
    3. Color or quantity of hair is no indicator of intelligence or amusement.
    4. You're no historian.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Man! You are angry today. Is it a weekend thing? I quite sympathise. Lousy telly

    ReplyDelete
  9. Life, I have the same weakness for trashy mags, but a gal really only needs a dose every 10 years. It's all the same people and the same "news" for a decade or so.
    I love and hate the fact that there's a term, "celebutard." Thanks!

    Sarah, so true. Yes, George had to be President - those rosey cheeks, blonde/white/gray hair and a pigtail and all..Great point about that being the start of our downfall in the US. And so it began.

    If anyone didn't catch it for the second time now, as KW and I pointed out, this blogger is no historian. That's not to say, though, that historians have it "right." I'm guessing they disagree with each other as much as colleagues in any field. (Hmm, I wonder if it was the daddy-son 'high five' that offended..?)

    Uber..You bet I'm angry. I still haven't gotten that curly wurly! Check out the coffee shop discourse, too, I referenced you and it a few times. (What's lousy telly? I don't speak proper English or Uberonics.)

    Cheers,
    Robyn

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks for the education on George and blondes. great post. So did I inspire you to bring mrs. montag pratt into this?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Copyboy, it was a coincidence that our great (to use the term loosely) minds were thinking alike. I saw your post after posting mine - else I would've noted that she's got a "hyphen Pratt" tagged onto her name.

    I'm going to give a plug here, though:
    For those of you wanting to know more about Heidi and other topics not worth mentioning, check out Copyboy's hilarious blog at
    http://Jesseacohen.blogspot.com/

    Cheers,
    Robyn

    ReplyDelete
  12. I wasn't offended. I was just agreeing with you. You'll know when you get under my skin. But why are you giving so much coverage of people you hold in such low esteem???

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks KW. I appreciate that. Good question. You know, I was chuckling to myself about this too. It was a tad hypocritical on my part. But this post would not have been able to sustain itself on the cherry tree saga alone, even with the added twists (e.g., "high five" moment). I needed more current material. So I integrated a few dumb famous blonde Americans to prove my point. Note: I did not mention their names again here.

    Cheers,
    Robyn

    ReplyDelete
  14. smiling---you all better now?

    was chocolate harmed in the writing of this blog post? I hope so!!!

    hugs!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Only in it's aftermath, Seductress.
    Love and smiles back to you!
    Thanks,
    Robyn

    ReplyDelete
  16. Love your blog Robyn...I never know where it is going to take me!! Also, knowing that you are part Canadian makes me understand why I like your Blog so much....I'm originally from Canada :) Keep smilin!!

    ReplyDelete