Pub Talk and Blasphemy

This is a non-alcoholic post, sorry to disappoint. What I’d like to say is: !@#$%^&*+!!!!! I’m going to be published for the second time in 15 years! Slow and steady for this gal. Back then, I took on the lighthearted subject of Jewish students’ experiences with Anti-Semitism on the UC Berkeley campus. The magazine best known for its articles, or lack thereof, got wind of my research and called me for an interview. Thus, I was interviewed by a Penthouse magazine “reporter.” I was featured, no clothes (or picture, sorry to disappoint again) in the big 25th anniversary issue. For those of you who use, I mean read, Penthouse, for articles (that aren’t worn), I was published in the same edition as those repulsively memorable pictures of Tonya Harding and Jeff Guilula  their honeymoon.

Suddenly, hundreds or a handful of my friends offered to shop for the magazine to spare me the embarrassment of making the purchase. But I was determined to pick it up with my bare hands. When I very nervously ventured to make that purchase, I had to buy, uh, a hairbrush and, uh, some gum. I also needed a more respectable magazine. People it was. I then plopped it all in front of the cashier, with Penthouse on the bottom of the pile. Wait, I needed to flip it over and turn it upside down first.

“I’m just buying that because I’m published in it,” I announced to the cashier, reprieving myself of any sense of blasphemy. The woman shot me a blank look that said, “I don’t give a crap. Just hand over your money and scram, kid.” But you didn't even ask for my ID, I thought, highly disappointed that I (1) looked my age and (2) was committing blasphemy with such ease. So I went home with my Penthouse, Trident spearment gum, a pink hairbrush that I never used, and a copy of People with chimpanzees on the cover.

Upon thrusting it out of the bag and opening to page 38, I was shocked to behold that the Penthouse “reporter” misquoted me. How young and naive a gal in her 20’s can be. I believed everyone who told me they read it for the quality articles. I expected justice had been earned by this writer! No, my statements had been taken out of context and magnified in font that was at least 24 point occupying a prominent text box centering the page. The savvy "reporter" spelled my name correctly, so I decided to enjoy the magazine. It wasn't worth getting distraught over.

Let me bring you on home now, dear reader, as I sit at my usual spot in front on my loyal HP. The tone and substance of my writing seem to have shifted subtly over the years. I’ve shifted from researching sociological phenomenon that set the foundation for genocide to, dating, sex, and stuff like that. Wow, I’m repressed. I mean, wow, I’ve regressed.

The point of the matter is that yesterday, I was offered some money for my writing! What I’d like to say again is: !@#$%^&*+!!!!! Woo hoo! Sorry, I’m back. My dear followers, I will be published in Being Single Magazine. The circulation may be smaller than the Penthouse predators. But this one is a high quality, respectable publication. It’s based out of Chicago and run by a reputable Publisher and well known author, Bonita Bennett. She’s my hero. I’d like to exclaim once more: !#&!#@*^&*!!