Out of the Darkness for Suicide Prevention

Dears, 

  Here's my short article that was published in the Chico News and Review on 10/13/16:

    It took me nearly two decades to talk publicly about my brother’s death by suicide. He’d been diagnosed with schizophrenia and ended his life at age 20. The shame, guilt, and sense of secrecy I carried all those years poisoned an already indescribable pain.

    But I don’t need to describe that pain. You’ve likely lost loved ones to suicide. You’ve probably wrestled with your own suicidal feelings. Mental illness in the form of severe depression is the world’s No. 1 mental health crisis. A main risk factor for suicide is having lost loved ones to suicide. It’s a vicious cycle for which there’s no simple solution. But the more we break down the shame and secrecy, the more likely we are to keep ourselves and our loved ones alive and glad to be.

    . . . All proceeds benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Let’s come Out of the Darkness as a strong, compassionate, united community. And that we did (on Saturday, 10/15)! I didn't Chair this year's event, but I recited my poem for our closing ceremony.

Photo by Jodi Rives 

Please Believe

Please believe we know your pain
Your broken soul. That smile you feign.
You say "I'm fine," but that's a lie.
You dare not share your urge to die.
We know your rage, your hate, and shame.
We know the burn that set your heart aflame.
Consumed by grief - your life, a curse.
Cold lonely days; still
Nights are worse.
Please believe us when we say
Keep holding tight. You'll be okay.
Monstrous ills you cannot halt.
Go gentle now. 

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
Mental illness has no cure.
You're human with a heart that's pure.
We know not how. We know not when
You will reclaim your life again
Embrace a faith you never knew
You'll be so glad you wrestled through.
Please believe, and hold on tight
As strands of pain fade into light
And tender hues transform your sight.
You're not alone.
Please know it's true.
We're right here
Holding tight

With you.

-Robyn Alana Engel 2014

Please take gentle care and know that you're not alone.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1(800) 273-TALK

Text # 741741

Out of the Darkness & I'm on TV!

Everything went beautifully with Chico's 5th Annual Out of the Darkness Walk for suicide prevention this past Saturday. Approximately 450 locals joined our fight to raise awareness about mental illness, depression, and suicide, and we raised close to $11,000.

Most important to me is the fact that many people who, like me, have been carrying deep, dark, burdensome, ugly pains related to suicide losses, had a place to go for healing, compassion, support, and to take a steps towards a world without suicide.

I'd been terribly nervous about all the speaking I was going to be doing. I don't know why, but I was relaxed when on stage. I guess I liked the power of wielding a cordless microphone. Today, I thought about how empowering it would feel to carry a microphone everywhere I go...but enough about me.

Photo by Jodi Rives

First, more about me. I'm on TV below. Channel 12's Local Action News reporter Vanessa Vasconcelos was kind enough to attend unsolicited. She filmed parts of the Walk, did a very nice job editing and commenting, and interviewed me. It's VERY BRIEF, if you decide to view it.

You can see me here, a tad after 1 minute.
http://www.actionnewsnow.com/news/out-of-the-darkness-walk-raises-awareness-for-suicide-prevention/

I'm (re)posting the poem I ended my speech with. I wrote this for the Out of the Darkness participants, and I'd posted it several months ago here.

Please Believe

You're Not Alone

Please believe

I know your pain

Your broken soul

That smile you feign

You say "I'm fine"

But it's a lie

You dare not share

Your urge to die

I know your rage

And hate

And shame

The burn that set your heart aflame

Consumed by grief

Your life a curse

Cold lonely days

Still nights are worse

Please believe me when I say

Keep holding tight

You'll be okay

Beastly ills, you cannot halt

Go gentle now

It's not your fault

Mental illness has no cure

You're human with a heart that's pure

I know not how

I know not when

But you'll reclaim your life again

Embrace a faith you never knew

You'll be so glad you wrestled through

Please believe

And hold on tight

As strands of pain fade into light

And tender hues transform your sight

You're not alone

Please know it's true

I'm right here

Holding tight 

with you.

It's My Birthday! One Dollar, Please!

Dear Friends,
Psst, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! But it'll be our secret.
I'm going to be away and completely detached from reality and the virtual world through July 5th. I'll update ya when I return. For now, for my birthday, will you kindly spare $1? (Donations accepted from anywhere in the world. Donations in excess of $1 will not be rejected.) There's a story behind this seemingly silly request, and it's for a very good cause - suicide prevention...the link is here.
Thank you, wonderful peeps.

I'm Chairwoman of Chico's 5th Annual...