My Story, Yours Too.

Monday, August 12, 2019

The Shocking, Uncensored Interview with E.T.

Dear Sillies,
   I've collaborated with my fun and silly friend, Powdered Toast Man. He is so outrageous. You should follow him, if you aren't already.
   Disclaimer: I'm very sorry. We didn't realize ET was so sexually depraved, until I channeled him for this interview. Feel free to move along, if you want to remember his sweet innocence.
   Thank you, and be good to yourselves.

PTM (Powdered Toast Man) - Thank you E.T. for coming on the show today. I am glad you could fit us into your busy schedule.
E.T. - Yeah, it's tight, but that's how I like it.
PTM - I can see where this interview is headed already. How much of the Stephen Spielberg movie is based on true events?
E.T. - What movie?
PTM - I am not prepared to open that can of worms. I will have to have a one on one with Drew later. So, what is Drew Barrymore really like?
E.T. - She's all grown up now, hot as ever. Between us guys, though, she's dumb as my doorknob and twice as loose.
PTM - Are you referring to an actual doorknob or your penis? And I thought you liked it tight? Never mind, I don't want to know. Which Golden Girls character is your favorite and why?
E.T. - Estelle Getty because of the tightness factor.
PTM - I guess that answers my previous question. Betty White is my gal, bigger rack. Where do you shop to find clothes that fit?
E.T. - Pee Wee Plus Sizes for the Short and Thick
PTM -  Must be an online only store, I have never heard of it. Are you dating anyone right now?
E.T. - Yeah, Drew and I are still dating. It's an open relationship. Punky Brewster's a side dish, along with all of the Bachelorette rejects. 
PTM - I call her Soleil Moon Frye. The restraining order states I can't call her Punky Brewster anymore. I heard a rumor that you haven't spoken to Elliot in 5 years. What happened?
E.T. -  He didn't invite me to his Bar Mitzvah, and that really hurt. But he eventually apologized, gave me a phone and lots of rides. *Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.*
PTM - You are one horny little alien. I would love to harness your sex drive. You were recently with Drew being interviewed by Rawkn Robyn on Life by Chocolate. I have always had a big crush on her. Since you were close enough to see, I have to ask. Are they real?
E.T. -  I once got my finger stuck in them for hours. She loved it. Yes. They're real, and they're spectacular!
PTM - I hope you get an endorsement check for that Seinfeld reference. For once and for all, what does E.T. actually stand for?
E.T. - Emerging Testicles 
PTM - That raises a lot more questions that we really don't have time for right now. What is your biggest accomplishment?
E.T. -    Bea Arthur. She's 5'10".
PTM - That picture will be burned into my brain forever. Camera man #3 is your biggest fan. He wants to know if he can buy you a drink after the show?
E.T. -  No, Betty White hates it when I'm late - or premature. 
PTM - I hope you carry lube, she must be like a desert down there. Let's turn the tables for a minute. I am going to let you ask me a few questions. I haven't done this in awhile. I am a little gun shy after what happened with Dustin Diamond. You get 3 questions.
E.T. - Briefs, boxers, or commando and why?
PTM - None of the above. I have worn Speedos since I was nine.
E.T. - What's your favorite sexual position? 
PTM - It is a toss up between the German shepherd and lazy grasshopper.
E.T. - Do you have a recommendation for loose bowels? I'm asking for a friend.
PTM - Cut down on the anal sex. Twice a month is recommended. Ask Dr. Phil. 
E.T. - *Holds up two wet thumbs*
PTM - That is all the time we have plus E.T. soiled the chair cushion twice. I knew I should have put down newspaper. See ya next time. 
E.T. -  Dope! Catch ya on the flip side. 

It feels so damn good to work with my buddy, PTM, again. And again, check him out here. Thank you, PTM!

24 comments:

  1. I am glad (I think) that I have never seen the movie. Shattered illusions clog up the vacuum something awful. I am guessing that you could do very, very well putting that cushion on ebay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank goodness we can all unleash a sigh of relief for that, EC. Yeah, that cushion - yikes.

      Delete
  2. I saw it last night on his site - well done. Maybe ET and Chewbacca should get together?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great idea, Alex. I'll have to find out if PTM can pay Chewbacca what he's worth. I know I can't.
      Thanks.

      Delete
  3. Time to phone home (for some therapy). You went dark on this one. I'm shocked, I tell you.
    Have a good week, crazy girl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for forgiving the darkness, my friend.
      A great week to you and Ray.

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Haha. Good one, Diane. A short and thick one, actually.

      Delete
  5. OMG, who knew? I'm shocked, I tellz ya, SHOCKED!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some things are best not known, right? Well, for the sake of honesty, I made the sacrifice.
      Glad to see you back, Debra.

      Delete
  6. haha really has a thing for those golden girls. Might want to invest in diapers for that issue.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good recommendation, Pat. I think ET needs XL Depends for the short and thick.

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. I'm glad you thought so, Dolorah. I laughed heartily in the process, and I still am.
      Thanks for chiming in.

      Delete
  8. Horny thing, isn't he? Everything I imagined about alien sexuality apparently has a basis in fact. Thanks, Robyn!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My pleasure, Jono. Or ET's pleasure, and Drew's, and PTM's. Lots of pleasure going around here.
      Smiles.

      Delete
  9. I saw this on PTM blog and it is very funny. E. T. does have that magic finger

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're telling me, Birgit. It did get lost in my bosoms - happy, giddy sigh.

      Delete
  10. This was tons of fun. We should def bring in Alex for a 3 way. You never disappoint RR.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A 3 way with Alex? Now my heart is beating out of my rib cage. I cannot wait, PTM. Let's do it.
      Love ya, buddy.

      Delete
  11. It's always the quiet ones. I should've known that ET was so ornery with all of that "phone home" to every answer BS.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It does beg the question: What's he doing on and with that phone?

      Thanks for visiting, Elizabeth!

      Delete
  12. Speechless, and happy I don't remember much about the movie. I'm not sure if I saw it, or just remember the advertisements. Hum...will ask hubby if we saw it, though I doubt his memory will be any better than mine, lol. As always reading your posts make me smile.

    ReplyDelete