Dear Sillies,
Let's get back to some dating ad nonsense, shall we? Please enjoy this slew of reasons for my celibate existence these and most days.
Be well. Keep a smile, hope, and a stash of chocolate.
I love ya. ~~~(@
REASON #24: I have been single since me and my ex wife got divorced. Um,
dude, why did you divorce your ex wife? In CA, you need not repeat the
dreaded process. Sorry I didn’t tell you that years ago.
REASON #25: 3ft7 384lbs all hairy with warts covering the hump on
my back, cross-eyed, drooling, no teef, pimpled faced, peg legged and
club footed, hung like a hamster, living in a van down by the river. I'm
dead sexxay. Okay okay, not really, but I figured this would at least
get a chuckle or two, and if not, then you might not get my cents,
since, sense yeah, that's it, sense of humor. Just ask me
anything you want to know, I am an open book when it comes to myself, no
need to hide anything. I beg to differ.
REASON #26: I'm a single dad with a 7 year old daughter. Absolute angle and the love of my life. Poor girl. Is she obtuse, acute, or perpendicular?
REASON #27: Have job and teeth.
Winner! {Note: See competition.} Have number? Free tonight?
REASON #28: Hay: I am all that I am because I am not afraid to try (now that’s deep) . (Deep is a relative term. You’re relatively challenged. Aren’t you, babe?) ok
now that the bs is a flying lets get real.I believe that the cup is three quarters
full. Full of what, sweetie?
Well, I actually did meet someone and realized right away that he used an older picture of himself since he had no teeth! He was not working either but all I thought about was how to say no to Pa Kettle. As for the angle kid...I feel bad for her mom who had to give birth to the angle, that must have been smarts
ReplyDeleteHaha! Yeah, can you imagine the pain involved, Birgit, when the vortex pushed through the cervix? Yikes.
DeleteA job AND teeth? Swoon. Who can ask for more. (Oh that's right, quite a lot of us). A start has been made.
ReplyDeleteI could and have forgiven the job thing for a man who does have teeth, EC.
DeleteAh, but are the teeth dentures? Maybe the first guy just wanted to make sure it was done right and divorced her again for good measure.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he thought he'd win her back by showing how determined he is. ??
DeleteIf she's an absolute angle she must be acute.
ReplyDeleteHa! Good one, Alex. You're a sharp witted man.
Deletea job and teeth, what's his angle?
ReplyDeleteoh, these are so fun/sad and your responses are hilarious.
I don't know, Joanne, but I think it's obtuse.
DeleteTeef and hung like a hamster? Oooooo baby!
ReplyDeleteBwahahaha! Thank you for that laugh.
DeleteHa! They try so hard, don't they. These ads always make me think of the surprise grab bags they used to sell at flea markets when I was a kid. You never knew what you were getting!!
ReplyDeleteAnd it was never pretty, was it, Connie?
DeleteActually, I can appreciate the thought behind #25. Almost every article I've ever seen about dating says that the #1 quality women look for in a man is a sense of humor... which makes me wonder why we always see supermodels on the arms of rock stars instead of comedians.
ReplyDeleteYou're too kind, Silver. The one thing that many guys forget, though, is this: Humorous means funny.
DeleteIt does? I thought "humerus" was an arm-bone.
DeleteYou're thinking of the wenus, SF.
Deletefrom Urban Dictionary:
Your wenus is huge!
Wanna see my wenus?
Cover up your wenus, for the love of god!
My wenus is all wrinkly.
My wenus can stretch really far.
I have TWO wenuses!
He might have a job and teeth but I bet he still shops at Walmart.
ReplyDeleteHahaha ~ good point, Diane.
DeleteYou peeps are keeping me laughing. I love this.
I believe the cup is refillable, whatever you fill it with. On the other hand I'm not trying to impress anyone. Does anyone ever list "plays bagpipes" as an asset? Just curious.
ReplyDeleteThat's one I haven't seen, Jono. It takes a hot, sexy man to play bagpipes, though, so he's not likely desperate enough to post an ad.
DeleteBe well!
"It takes a hot, sexy man to play bagpipes?" Awww, you're just saying that because bag[pipes are usually played by men wearing kilts... with nothing underneath.
DeleteIt takes a big, big man, Silver. ;~)
Delete#26! And the have teeth and job! HAHAHAHA
ReplyDeleteHe's a keeper!
DeleteHonestly #25 wasn't all THAT bad. I chuckled at the lead in.
ReplyDeleteHa! Thanks, Joanne.
Delete