My Story, Yours Too.

Monday, April 16, 2018

Martha Stewart Returns to Speak on Irrelevance

Robyn: Ladies and Gentlemen,
Start spreadin' the newwwws! a (semi) manly bare-chested Martha blasts onto our stage, flailing and kicking dramatically, as she belts out  I'm leavin' today! I want to-- Robyn: Martha! Stop! Shush! Martha, determined to finish, skips to her grand finale: New York! New-eww-ewww, YORK!!! She extends her arms to her sides and bows repeatedly for the (non existing) audience. Robyn: You've totally lost it, lady! We had a beautiful break from you---  Martha: Oh what a beautiful mooorrrning! Oh what a beautiful--- STOP! Robyn screams. QUIET! Martha stops, insulted. Well, someone hasn't gotten any in a long, long time. And I know long. I used to date Anthony Hopkins,* you know. (*True story - they lasted one year.) Robyn: Talk about scary.  For him. Look, here's the thing, woman. You're completely irrelevant. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is paying attention to you anymore. You mean nothing. How are you dealing with this vast amount of irrelevance, Martie? Martha: It's simple really. Martha smiles. Now, I've never had irregulations myself. But the best measure is to pluck a handful of nice, juicy prunes from your fresh spring garden. Oh how I miss the prison's garden! -Sigh- Slice them babies up into bite-sized pieces, and add them to my specialty salad - with a fistful of robust pine nuts and a squirt of light vinaigrette. Grope the salad with both hands to squeeze out the flowing liquid and -- Martha unleashes an excited exhale, then wipes a bead of sweat from her brow -- Oh where is my carrot? Robyn: Leave! Now! Crazy b*tch!   Robyn then turns to the camera and addresses the home viewers. I'm very sorry for these zany antics, my friends.  
Please have a safe and pleasant week. 
Keep a smile and stay silly!
You are relevant.   

 
 

33 comments:

  1. What on EARTH could Anthony Hopkins and Martha Stewart have in common? FAVA BEANS and a NICE CHIANTI?

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    1. I know. Could you think of a stranger pairing, Deb? I can't.

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  2. Her face is one giant prune. I think Hopkins went slightly crazy...or blind.

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    1. I agree, Birgit. He went Hannibal or Helen Keller or both. Yikes.

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  3. Replies
    1. It was all downhill for Martie after Kmart.
      Thanks for popping in, Elizabeth.

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  4. Anthony Hopkins has stooped to a new low...

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    1. I wonder how they met. Do you think she gave him a soup recipe, Alex?

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  5. Who better to speak on the subject of irrelevancy (and I didn't think I could think of any topic Martha was right for). How wrong I was.

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    1. Yes, EC. Irrelevancy is relevant to Martie. Thank goodness.

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  6. And I thought Hopkins going to Transformers was bad. Dating her is a million times worse.

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  7. Thoroughly enjoyed traveling down Martha Stewart’s, Irrelevant Memory Lane.

    Thank you for reading and commenting on my Guest Post (Alex's site). It's good to meet you.

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    1. Thank you, Lynn. Great to connect with you as well.

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  8. Thanks for keeping the spirit of Martha alive. I wonder if she made any close friends in prison?

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    1. Rumour has it, Jono, she and the prison guard got a bit too close. Poor guy.

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  9. You are keeping her dirty memory alive.

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    1. If only she wasn't so persistent. It's really not my fault, Spunk. =)
      Be well.

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  10. Oh, my. Is she in the news again?

    And you're not fooling me, Robyn. That photo of her was doctored, wasn't it?

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    1. I, I don't know what you mean Silver. I'm not a doctor.
      PS Drats! Caught again.
      PPS She only makes the news at Life by Chocolate on rare occasion - thus, she remains as irrelevant as could be.

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  11. I never know what Martha is going to do next!

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    1. Me neither, Connie.
      Wish we could get a permanent break, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

      Be well.

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  12. Does she have any connection with Trump or his lawyers?


    I have decided to consolidate my two blogs (one is more professional) as I can’t see any reason to keep working on them both. In a strange way this feels like I’m coming out of the closet as I haven’t written about my livelihood. Most of my posts from now on will be at www.thepulpitandthepen.com

    You’re welcome to stop by.

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    1. Rumor has it Martha offered a large sum of money (circa 130K) to rest her case with any of them. No takers.

      Excuse my delay, Sage. I'm off to visit you now. =)

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  13. just when you think Martha is not in the news..here she is on your blog. Now that's news. Too funny, my friend. Thanks for irrelevance. We need it these days.

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    1. We do need irrelevance these days, don't we? Yay. I'm good for more of that.

      Thank you, friend.
      Have a great Friday and weekend.

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  14. Price worthy. Maybe Martha and her irrelevance can hook up with the orange dude in WH...and cook up...nothing here move along. Did you know my daughter (speaking of irrelevant)is pretended to be Sec. of State.

    Sandy's Space

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    1. If only your daughter really was, Sandy. And I always suspected Martie and Donny had a thing for each other. Yikes.

      Thanks for stopping by. Happy Friday and weekend.

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  15. Martha who? Perhaps she's already turned into one of those prunes... Great interview Robyn!

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    1. Let's hope that's the last we hear from the prune.
      Thanks, Anthony.

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  16. I have no idea on it. Have a nice day:)

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    1. Sorry if Martha confused you. She's a confused lady-man. A nice day to you too.

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  17. How irrelevant is Martha Stewart?
    She is sh irrelevant that she is currently doing Jack in the Box TV commercials.

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