One Rainbow Tribe in an Orange World (but only for now).

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Reasons for Celibacy, #18-23

My Dears,
   Sorry I've been gone for a bit. Lots going on - mostly good, the rest manageable. The good stuff, I'll report to you when time is right and fairly soon.
   How are you doing?
   Laughter is always needed. I hope to provide. That said, I now present reasons 18-23 for a celibate existence. These are, as usual, lifted directly from on-line ads and embellished by my snark.
   Keep a smile and some good chocolate handy.
   Love ya.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


REASON 18: I like to go to the movies rock concerts. You mean, like the Flintstones? Do you drive with your bare feet on the road too? I like the little things in lif  Is lif the medication you’re taking?  I suggest an increased dosage. It might help you focus enough to find spellcheck.

REASON #19: I like big butts. I cannot lie. The other brothers try and deny but when a pretty female walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in my face, you know what happens. If this made you laugh then I am the guy for you, because that is exactly what I love doing. Making people laugh. You’ve got some work ahead of you, sweetheart.

REASON #20: Me Man You Woman Headline need help, Tarzan.

REASON #21: We love Zeppelin, and great food, and real literature. My wife wants a threesome. That sounds great to me! Can't wait to try. Let's talk about it. She is looking for a very specific sort of girl. We hope you are it. I’m appalled. You mention Zeppelin and “real literature” in the same sentence! What kind of gal do you think I am?

REASON #22: Intelligent, articulate, chivalrous, romantic, very passionate, open minded, dominant but never domineering and sensual. Great kisser (I practice a lot when I am alone!). Hint: I wouldn’t publicize this… I only want to have to carry you part of the time! I don’t want your hands on me any of the time!

REASON #23: Looking For a Friend First I want to meet a women that wants to make a commitment to spend the rest of are life's together. Sounds like (you’re) an oxymoron. 

For fun, I entered a Peep Diorama contest. I didn't win, but I'm quite certain Gumby had a great time. (Hint: See lower left side of photo.)
                                                                Flo's Peep Show



30 comments:

  1. All most EXCELLENT reasons for celibacy. Sigh.
    Looking forward to hearing your good news.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, EC.
      Hope all's well in your niche of the world.

      Delete
  2. "I practice a lot when I am alone!" Who says this out loud?! LOL

    Can't wait to hear your good news, Robyn. Have a great week ahead.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, and he thinks this statement's endearing? Scary, scary stuff.
      Smiles.

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. Drats. I thought it was an original name, but someone else had the same idea. So I added "Flo's" (as in the Progressive spokes woman) who's driving topless in this one.

      Delete
  4. 21 is looking for a Whole Lotta Love, but something tells me he won't find it. 22 reminds me of the old Woody Allen (who else?) movie Love and Death where he says, "I haven't made love to a woman in three years, but I've been practicing."
    Love the peep show!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha, yeah, you'd think that only a comedian would mention that's he's practicing. Right, Jono?
      Thank you. Stay well.

      Delete
  5. Oh, Robyn, you may be missing an opportunity. That wasn't a typo in Reason 18. LIF is a life income fund (LIF), a type of retirement income. I'm SURE that's what he meant. Excuse me now while I go practice kissing... alone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What do ya know? He must have some mony stashed away with some e's. I don't know, Mitchell. I'm still a bit suspct. =)
      Be well, and do enjoy your alone time.

      Delete
  6. Hmmm does alone include a blow up doll? Maybe he didn't want to go into that much detail. Maybe we just don't want to know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And does it include anything else with the word "blow" in it? Let's hope he doesn't blow it when alone. But that's not my business. You're right, Pat. We don't want to know.

      Delete
  7. I don't want to know what he's practicing on.

    ReplyDelete
  8. you are having far more fun creating a peep show, then being in a peep show with these fantastic choices. Loved your comment on the 3-way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Joanne. I perhaps shouldn't be so judgemental as to assume that Zeppelin fans don't enjoy fine literature. Heck, I don't, nor do I write it.
      Be well, my friend.

      Delete
  9. I always find plagiarism hilarious...choose that guy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He'd be so disappointed, Elizabeth. I have big bosoms, but my butt is pretty small. I don't qualify. Drats!

      Cheers, girlfriend.
      Keep a smile.

      Delete
  10. Your reply to #20 is hilarious!

    #23: "[A]re life's together?!?" This is what happens when people rely too much on spell-checkers. And unfortunately, I've seen the word "women" used a lot online when someone's meant "woman."

    These ads and your comments remind me of a post I once wrote making fun of an eBay ad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, SF. #20 is one of my favorites.
      Yeah, the "women," "woman" thing is far too often mixed up. And yet, the threesome guy is clear on it. He's into real literature, after all.
      Keep a smile.

      Delete
  11. I'm quite often amazed....
    how can these people possibly be single?

    ReplyDelete
  12. How could you not win with a Speed Racer action figure?!?!?!?!?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right?
      Thank you, JoJo, and thanks for noticing Speed. I had a big crush on him back in the day. =)

      Delete
  13. I rather like "REASON #20: Me Man You Woman Headline need help, Tarzan." If you added the Frankenstein Monster and Tonto, this could be an exciting liaison. However, spring is in the works and new possibilities are full of better promises. Love and best fortune, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Me Man You Monster and You Horse." He'd get so excited about that horse. That's a scene I wouldn't watch.
      Love and all happy things to you, Geo. Thank you.

      Delete
  14. Funny stuff as always. Is it me or is this current batch just slightly more ahead of the Neanderthals of the past?
    I dont mind big butts either. Then again, that could be a lie!
    Cool montage too. Well done.
    I like to meat a womens too to spent my the rest of my lifes with. How many lifes do I get?

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  15. You are a tough get my kitty kat. How did I ever make the cut?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh my. All I can do is shake my head. I fear these fellows are destined to remain single (except for the threesome guy, of course). Ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  17. The guy who practices kissing made me shriek in Ick! If he kisses his pillow a lot ...ughh, I just don’t want to know. The threesome guy probably has a blow up doll for a wife.

    ReplyDelete