Start spreadin' the newwwws! a (semi) manly bare-chested Martha blasts onto our stage, flailing and kicking dramatically, as she belts out I'm leavin' today! I want to-- Robyn: Martha! Stop! Shush! Martha, determined to finish, skips to her grand finale: New York! New-eww-ewww, YORK!!! She extends her arms to her sides and bows repeatedly for the (non existing) audience. Robyn: You've totally lost it, lady! We had a beautiful break from you--- Martha: Oh what a beautiful mooorrrning! Oh what a beautiful--- STOP! Robyn screams. QUIET! Martha stops, insulted. Well, someone hasn't gotten any in a long, long time. And I know long. I used to date Anthony Hopkins,* you know. (*True story - they lasted one year.) Robyn: Talk about scary. For him. Look, here's the thing, woman. You're completely irrelevant. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is paying attention to you anymore. You mean nothing. How are you dealing with this vast amount of irrelevance, Martie? Martha: It's simple really. Martha smiles. Now, I've never had irregulations myself. But the best measure is to pluck a handful of nice, juicy prunes from your fresh spring garden. Oh how I miss the prison's garden! -Sigh- Slice them babies up into bite-sized pieces, and add them to my specialty salad - with a fistful of robust pine nuts and a squirt of light vinaigrette. Grope the salad with both hands to squeeze out the flowing liquid and -- Martha unleashes an excited exhale, then wipes a bead of sweat from her brow -- Oh where is my carrot? Robyn: Leave! Now! Crazy b*tch! Robyn then turns to the camera and addresses the home viewers. I'm very sorry for these zany antics, my friends.
Please have a safe and pleasant week.
Keep a smile and stay silly!
You are relevant.
