My Story, Yours Too.

Monday, March 12, 2018

Reasons for Celibacy #12-17

Hi, Dear Sillies,
I hope life is treating you kindly.
And now, let's return to this series.
I don’t mean to be completely deceitful, only partially. Thus, I superimposed my face onto Sandra Bullock’s body, when she and Betty White shared a moment. Note: I look happy. Betty looks suspect. Enough banter, onto more serious matters - reasons #12-17 for a smart, straight gal to choose celibacy. Taken directly from internet dating ads, and enhanced (err, diminished) by my italicized snark, please enjoy:

REASON #12: I look better in person
And do you have a more appealing sales pitch in person too? 

REASON #13: my job: union: Oakland Steel Erection
In spite of your arrogance, give me a call. Wink. 

REASON #14: Enough about you. Let's talk about me!
Enough about you!

REASON #15: NOT LOOKING TA TELL MY LIFE STORY HERE. IT WOULD TAKE ALL DAY I AM AN ON HERE. Yeah, I got that much, buddy. What else are you on? I AM AN OVER THE ROAD TRUCKER! I imagine that’s easier than being an under the road trucker or an over the hill driver! CAN YA DEAL WITH THAT? COAST TA COST IS WHAT I DO. NOT WHAT I WANT BUT ITS WHAT I DO SO IF YA WANNA KNOW MORE LET ME KMNOW What I would like to kmnow: How do you coast ta cost? Do ya do it over or under ta road? How much does it cost? Does it cost less if you coast the whole way over? 

REASON #16: Looking for some real people no fake *ss
Well, look no further, dude. See photo and/or ask Betty. That *ss ain't fake.
 
REASON #17: I LIKE WOMEN WITH FEW EXTRA POUNDS NICE BUTTS; THIGHS BEAUTIFUL SMILES AND NICE PERSONELITIES. I almost qualifiy, but I can’t find my nice personelities. Gimme a moment while I check with Human Resources. NONE DRINKER None? Must be hard to stay hydrated.

33 comments:

  1. Number thirteen is a bit cocky, isn't he?
    If over the road trucker means his rig is a hovercraft, that might be interesting. Otherwise, he just flies a freight jet. Probably UPS.
    (Sorry, typo in the first one.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perfect response about 13, Alex. Why didn't I think of that? Smiles.
      And thanks for the info on the over the road dude. I'm thinking it'd cost me too much either way.

      PS Good to know even the Ninja makes a typo on occasion.

      Delete
  2. Pretty funny! (Both their self-assessments and your comments!) Borderline illiterates would turn me off immediately.

    Now I'm going to read previous posts on this subject!

    And I really hope #14 was just trying to be funny.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think they're all attempting the humor thing, SF. That's what makes these even more funny.

      In case you're interested, my little book in top right sidebar, Celibacy and Suburbia, has 250 reasons for celibacy. =)

      Be well. Thank you.

      Delete
    2. Definitely something I plan to check out! Thanks.

      I once did something similar re: snarky comments on someone's ad, but in my case, it was an ad (for an old magazine) that they'd posted on eBay, not a dating site.

      Delete
  3. As long as the expectations are low you should be in good shape with these fine examples of an American male. Or do the sane thing and stay home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Home. Batteries. That's what we're talking about.
      You're correct, as always, Jono.

      Delete
  4. How do you even get to be an over the road trucker? Aliens beam you up? #16 wants it all. Real People, not just women, better watch out, may have some mannequins or robots for practice in the attic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, their attics - yeah - must be scary. Course, that's where they live with their mannequins and robots too - when they return from over-the-roading. It's all peculiar, isn't it, Pat?

      Delete
  5. Over the road trucker is a job description, as opposed to local drivers.

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    Replies
    1. Oh, thanks for telling me, JoJo. I don't think he knows that, so I'll search for him coast to cost.

      Delete
  6. It's hard to imagine all these "prize" guys are still single. ("Prize" in sarcastic font, of course).

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    Replies
    1. Haha. Yeah, it is bewildering. Thanks, Connie. I like the sarcastic font too. =)

      Delete
  7. I favor #15. Cost is the grammatically correct object of the preposition "ta". Over-the-road presumably means not flattened onto it, so he is superior to roadkill --I personally describe myself as still 3-dimensional, which is more descriptive -- but you kmnow that. Great post!

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    Replies
    1. I kmnow all of that, Geo, though I appreciate the specs. And the laugh you just gave me.

      Delete
  8. How haven't these guys been snatched up already? One of those mysteries of life 🤣

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    Replies
    1. Right? Especially if that steel erection looks better in person and doesn't coast to cost too much.

      Delete
  9. I bet #12 says that to all the women who actually have teeth. Now as for Mensa Trucker, I bet he looks for many teenage gals everywhere and we shall soon see him on the 6 O’clock news. The rest all can find great women on the site Friends of Walmart

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    Replies
    1. Mensa Trucker is likely a politician. Right, Birgit? Or a minister. Yikes.
      You always make me chuckle. I appreciate you.

      Delete
  10. Oh dear god, and they get dates I bet.

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    Replies
    1. I'm not going to bet you on it - I'd lose. I'm certain they do. Steel erections and all.

      Delete
    2. But Robyn, of all those, a steel-like erection WOULD be a good draw.

      Delete
  11. Oh the sadness of it all.
    Not appealing or revealing
    try to find joy
    but alas they want a toy

    your post on this subject is always funny! Hang tough, my friend. Enjoy your week

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Joanne. Great verse, and very appropriate.
      Enjoy your week too.

      Delete
  12. Not only does he want nice personelities, he wants multiples of them. (Split personelity disorders only need apply.)

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    1. Good point, Diane. He and his personelities are awfully greedy.

      Delete
  13. As usual these lists are hilarious!
    Have a great day
    Blessings, Joanne

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's wonderful to see you again, Joanne.
      Thank you.
      Blessings and a great day to you as well.

      Delete
  14. Come on now Robyn! How could any lady resist any on of these fine gentlemen?

    Hope is all well with you my old friend...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, my friend. May life be treating you as splendidly as you deserve.

      Delete
  15. ...and to think they guy is driving a rig on the road. God forbid. Can he even read the road signs?
    It's a terrifying world. And many of these people have bred. *Shudder*

    Hope you have more luck - until then, keep on truckin'
    ;)

    xo

    ReplyDelete

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