And I Wrote This Book.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

IWSG Finale, Macaulay Culkin for Hire!





Dear friends, I've decided to end my IWSG run with this, my 45th IWSG post. Alex has been incredibly patient and forgiving, letting me disrupt his amazing group month after month with vapid idiots like Tori Spelling, Bruce Jenner (I kinda miss him), Ashton Kutcher, and many more. Thank you, Alex. 

I'll still do interviews here and there, and I don't plan to scale down on my blogging. I'm simply letting go of this one writing commitment, to focus on publishing another book or three.

Sadly, this leaves stagehand Macaulay Culkin out of work. And he hadn't had a job since pre-puberty. [He hasn't had talent since then either.] Oy, I feel a little guilty. But hey, none of us can save the world. Right?  And I'm not completely heartless, so I'm going to promote his skills here. Hey, Culkster! Come on out here! Let's show off your book!

Macaulay Culkin ambles towards Robyn, a small book in hand. He stops directly in front of her, drops his book at her feet, fervently raises both middle fingers, shouts "F*k you, b*tch!" and dashes through the Exit doors. Robyn picks up the book and holds it in front of the camera. 
Ladies and Gentlemen, he's been hiding his talents from us all along. In 2006, Culkin published a so-called book called junIor. And he's accumulated a grand total of 38 reviews in nine years! Let's look at a few reviews. Robyn pulls two index cards out of her pocket. This one says, "That's 20 minutes of my life I will never get back!" Another tells us they "Threw this book in the trash where it belongs before finishing it."

It seems fame doesn't always amount to book sales.  This is good, right? It means that people still want to read viable writing, so we got this. We're viable, or we can fake it. Woohoo!

I'm going to conclude with three pieces of advice for all insecure writers everywhere:

1) Keep writing.

2) Don't ever bore. This is a writer's biggest crime. There's far too much boring writing out there. I mean, feel free to write boring stuff all you want, but do not share any of it. Everything you publish in a blog, book, or bathroom stall should captivate and entertain. Otherwise, kindly keep it to yourself.

3) Keep writing.

Thank you, folks.
PS Keep writing.

Thank you, Alex, and to the Insecure Writer's Support Group. It's been great fun.
Keep writing.

42 comments:

  1. I really hope you are going to follow your own advice. Items one and three anyway. Two you have perfected.

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  2. OMG, I can't believe you're leaving me! o.O *Mumbling 'You'd better write a lot more awesome books if you're giving up IWSG' while stuffing chocolate down my throat.*

    Love you!!! Eva

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  3. Poor Mac, wonder if he still looks like a homeless drug addict? Maybe you revitalized his career with this interview. Thanks for the good advice!

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  4. Why does it feel like we're kicking a guy when he's down?
    Good for you recognizing your need to focus on your own writing. Sometimes that's the hardest thing to recognize. It's easy to get lost in distractions. Good luck to you in your own writing.

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    1. Why, thank you, PVP. And yeah, it doesn't seem nice of me. Don't worry, though. I didn't actually kick the Culkster. I can't swing my leg that low.

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  5. lol hey, he still has his home alone royalties coming in. I'm sure he'll survive off of a few hundred a month.

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    1. He does brag about having made all the money in the world as a kid, and thus not needing to ever work again. Classy dude.

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  6. Why do actors feel they can write a book?
    Robyn, we will miss you! You know I can't take you off the list just yet. Next month might come around and Culkin badgers you for his job back.

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    1. Oh, Alex, this was such a tough decision. You know me too well, though. I'll be inclined to hop back aboard, especially when it doesn't so much feel like an obligation. Thank you for it all.

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  7. I look forward to your future blog posts! And the last chapter of the Dropped Mahtzoh Ball story! Boy Macauley really flamed out didn't he?

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    1. For you, JoJo, I shall deliver in my next post. Thanks so much for asking.

      And yeah, he's the definition of flaming out. I guess that's what happens when left home alone one too many times.

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  8. keep writing, but take a break to read Robyn's blog post, and all of her future books.. Big smile and hug! And give Culkin a bad reference. Cheers

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    1. I like it, Joanne. And Culkin doesn't want to work anyway, so I've been doing him a favor all along. I'm charitable like that. Smiles.

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  9. I have to say, this is a clever way to end a commitment. Sorry I'm just visiting and missed out on so many.

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  10. LOL - don't share the boring stuff.

    I'll miss your IWSG posts.

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  11. Poor Macaulay! His gig as your stage-hand was the last stop between him and oblivion.

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  12. I'll miss you on first Wednesdays, but I understand.

    IWSG #115 until Alex culls the list again (or until I follow in Robyn's footsteps) :P

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  13. As long as you don't quit blogging altogether, it's all good.

    Keep Writing. Got it. :)

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  14. Those are three good writing tips. I hate reading boring material, not that I've ever found anything boring on YOUR blog.

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    1. It's amazing how some people are entertained and entertain themselves regarding writing. Most of what's out there puts me to sleep when I'm hopped up on caffeine. Thankfully, that isn't true for my blogland circles.

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  15. And you my dear are NEVER boring!! Xx

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  16. We'll miss you, Robyn! Tho Mr. Caulkin probably won't! Keep writing!

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  17. All good things must come to an end. I'll truly miss the posts, but am happy to have been highly entertained by them while they lasted :)

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  18. Poor Macaulay. He will miss you, I'm sure. :) Keep writing--good advice!

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  19. Thank you, friends. Keep writing. Stay warm and safe and prepared with an emergency stash of chocolate. Always.

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  20. I love your interviews with these..um...stars. I do hope you will entertain us with future star interviews. So Caulkin wrote a book? Does he know what a book is? Hey...at least he didn't put his hands on each side of his face a scream at you, that's been done to death

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    1. Yes, but the Culkster is much better at that than writing a book. He does not know what a book is, Birgit.

      Happy Friday and weekend!

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  21. and now I am writing in this little box at the end of you blog... :)

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  22. Bruce Jenner is still with us. However, in parts only.

    20 mins of my life hhaa. A great way to go out. A shame to see it go but its been a great series. Perhaps you could put them all together as a pdf for yr readers to download?

    Good advice. Thank you for all yr great work and the many, many laughs.
    xo

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    1. Thinking down those lines, my friend - maybe a smorgasbord of Life by Chocolate shavings. =) xo

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  23. Oh, Bruce Jenner. Why did he had to leave us?
    Anyways, these are great advice. I keep writing too whenever I feel like stopping. There's no other way to do it. :)

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  24. I think someone would hire Mac. After all, Halloween comes once a year (much like me).
    Hmmm....I'll have to look into that "boring" thing.

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  25. That's great advice, Robyn. I would rather display a picture of a baboon's butt than bore people. I think I actually did so on a few occasions.

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    1. You're another one who couldn't bore if you tried, GB. Baboon's butts aren't as interesting as one would think. Right? I've seen my share.

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  26. I almost thought you were kidding about Macaulay writing a book. I had to look that up myself. Wow, what an awful sounding "book." On that note, glad to hear you're going to focus more on your own writing! Might as well make the best of it, so we can make some progress and overtake the Macaulays of the world.

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    1. I couldn't believe it either. I read a quote by him to the effect of "People jus thank I'm a punk kid riter." Nah. People jus think you're an idiot, junIor.

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  27. I will miss these posts, but good for you for taking time for more books! That's awesome!

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