And I Wrote This Book.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

May Pole Erotica and Eating Bugs!

I was moved that you care so much as to NOT want me to eat bugs. Then my (former) buddy, Michael, guessed that there's only 1 gram of protein in those chocolate covered critters. Michael's right! It's a myth, folks, that insects are full of protein. Michael, would you please send over the little barf bucket that you set next to Matt when he ate cat-food? I'll post photos when I get up the courage and appetite to eat chocolate covered insects. For now, here's a bit of May Pole Erotica. And I still love you all, even Michael.

































Have an upstanding new week!
Smiles.

55 comments:

  1. Didn't you describe yourself as a "nice Jewish girl" or am I imagining that?

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    1. At one time, I did, Mitchell. Note the past tense. I have a t-shirt that reads "Nice Jewish Girl Gone Bad." =)

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  2. Well then. I'll just remove the insects from my grocery list :)

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  3. So you're gonna eat these things AND you're not even gonna get a protein boost? Wow, double bummer.

    And I loved your poem, but NPH in whitey-tighties is forever seared into my brain as one of those vomit inducing things I wished I had never seen. No matter how good of shape you're in, whitey-tighties will always make a man look like he's wearing an adult diaper.

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    1. They are too whitey and too tighty, aren't they, BnB?

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  4. oh my, I'm sorry to hear someone guessed the right answer. Even more sorry to hear you're not going to get a protein boost from it. Hopefully the chocolate will be so good it'll make up for the fact that it's a bug it's covering. ;)

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    1. I'm really disappointed too. Maybe peanut butter will help?

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  5. Only you could make the May poleflag so erotic!
    Glad you didn't eat the bugs. Leave that to Andrew Zimmern.

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    1. He's probably eaten a lot worse.
      Thanks, Alex.

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  6. Look, the solution is simple: suck the chocolate off of the bugs. For Pete's sake, leave the poles alone!

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  7. I was drinking a cup of coffee when I read the poem. I'm still wiping off my keyboard!! Too funny. NPH...I agree with ABFTS! Puke! Same with eating bugs!

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    1. It's a bit too revealing. His lines were bad too.
      I'm honored that I ruined your keyboard, BB. Thank you, and I'm sorry.

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    1. You expected me to be normal just because the A-Z Challenge was over, Jeremy?

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  9. Blah to the bugs, good avoidance there. With such poles in the thick of it, may last more than a bit. Blah, Doogie in tightey whities is as bad as Martha

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    1. It's better than Martha in tightey whities, though.

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  10. The May Pole double entendres practically write themselves, don't they? "I can only guess France," hahahahaha!

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    1. Thanks, Debra. It was hard until I got it straightened out and came up with doozies.

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  11. This is a terrible post. No offense, Robyn, but there's no good news here. You're eating bugs AND I had to see Neil Patrick Harris in his undies. I'm going to scrub my eyeballs in bleach. See you later. (or not, because I'll be permanently blind)

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    1. I'm sorry, Robin. I'd promise to do better, but I have to post myself eating the bugs.

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  12. clever poem and I guess the sight of the May Pole distracts one from buggy taste in the mouth. Happy May Dance Monday to you. Oh Doogie....

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  13. I so much love your poetry. And Doogie Howser in undies? Yeck. LOL. I still like my answer of zero because I would not eat the things. :D

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  14. Only 1 gram of protein? Wow that's far less than I thought. Well good thing. Now you don't have to eat them. And anyway I think you can find better sources of protein. Loved the poem though!

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  15. Oh what a saucy poem, Robyn! Now I'm going to imagine you gossiping and sighing about that big pole!

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  16. Dang, I fell for the myth. And Lawd, I saw NPH on Oscar night in those tightie whities and I promptly turned the channel so now I just scrolled thru the comments so I don't have to see that mess again.

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    1. I should've known I'd re-traumatize everyone. Sorry!

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  17. Sigh. Just as some people don't inhale, I suspect you don't have to chew. Bad Michael, bad, bad Michael. I think you are getting a better deal than Matt though. I would MUCH rather eat insects than cat food. And chocolate covered cat food is the stuff of nightmares.

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  18. As you said earlier, Nice Jewish Girl gone Bad... I wonder if the what thawed the cold war (if only temporary) was Russian women writing erotic poems about their May Day parades... There were certainly some "symbols" that could be utlitized.

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    1. Yes, and it leads me to wonder how much ecstasy Mrs. Claus has delighted in at the North Pole, Sage.

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    2. Mostly she be chillin'. ;-)

      Thank you for your kind words Robyn; you have a big, sweet heart.

      Having said that: Bugs? Really? I'd pike on the bet, lol.

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  19. Can we forward this post to Kofi Annan? Maybe he'll finally chill out and eat a big mac.

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    1. Do you think it would help, Chris? What's his email or twitter handle?

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  20. Love the poem and I will not look at a May pole the same way ever again. I was just getting over seeing Doogie Houser in those little bitty underwear and now that image is back again. Thank God you didn't have some little protein bits-ick

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  21. Very funny. You made me smile.

    Love,
    Janie

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  22. Was I the only one pro-bug-eating? Protein shmotein, there's nothing about bug eating that's going to hurt you more than eating a potato chip. Eat the creepy crawly already! (I'm not helping, am I?)
    I liked the poem, but like others, I was distracted by NPH in the nut huggers. Mainly because, dude, that's Doogie, put a shirt on or a doctor's robe, Doogie.

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  23. I know. I had a crush on Doogie too, Pickleope Von Pickleope. I learn so much from you all. Namely: Don't post one of your best erotica poems up against Doogie in tighty-whities. People won't even read it. Plus the font is too small, especially compared to his...And eat the creepy crawly already. Oy vey. What I do to myself.

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  24. Is that a May Pole or am I just glad to see you? I might have even kissed you except for that insect breath. Yuck!

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    1. Haha, Jono. Good one. I think it's a May Pole, but I can't tell the difference.

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  25. OMG! You are just so seriously funny and witty.

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  26. And we thought it was only Gary Coleman who could rock a pair of tightey-whiteys.

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  27. I am convinced you can write a naughty poem about just anything.

    Maybe if there's only 1 g of protein, it's low in calories too? Trying to put a good spin on the bug eating, if that's even possible.

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  28. Is that your poem? It's a classic! If only Martha would get her hairy chest out of the way. She needs a razor, and a one way ticket back to prison, where she can teach more cooking classes, where her hairy bits are more appreciated. We dont want em!

    Love ya!

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  29. Love the poem, but ditch those disgusting bugs! Why don't you have Martha take one or all for the team instead? I understand she'll swallow just about anything, and even though bugs hardly have any protein in them, they will help grow hair on your chest. It's a win-win situation, and I'm sure Michael won't mind.

    Julie

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  30. I don't care how good the chocolate is, if somebody puts bugs in it, I'm not going to eat it. :) Your poem is another holiday masterpiece!

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  31. Awww, I was hoping you wouldn't have to eat it...mostly. :)

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