Friday, April 5, 2013

Reasons for Celibacy, #224-231


Lifted directly from men’s on-line personal ads, and embellished by my italicized snark, I now present reasons 224 through 231 for [not just me but] any straight, single woman to choose celibacy and a stash of re-chargeable batteries.  These ads never fail to perplex at least as much as they amuse. 

Happy weekend! 
Enjoy your day of rest on Sunday, A-Zers!

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REASON #224: Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful 
Not a problem, honey. I’ve seen your picture and I hate you because of your receding hair line.

REASON #225: is i too ugly to get with a cool women on here
Frankly, yes, you is. But don’t let that stop you from perusing craigslist, sweetie. I’m sure you’ll have better luck there.

REASON #226: I'll bet you a drink u msg me. $1,000,000 you don’t
You owe me $1,000,000, sir.

REASON #227: I beleive to have a good relationship there has to be trust and rommunication. I’m not so sure. At this point, I’d settle for some crust and rumination.

REASON #228: Looking for a socially fun person.
Really? ‘Cuz I prefer an asocial fun type or a social bore. Sorry, I guess we’re not a match.

REASON #229: Did you touch my drum set??? No but I wouldn’t mind fingering your trombone, babe.

REASON #230: Real eyes realize real lies! Initially, I found your wordplay rather clever. Now I’m just confused.  What exactly are you trying to say? You can detect real versus fake lies with your real versus fake eyeballs?  How does this serve you as a dating headline?

REASON #231: I'm eating a twix right now
Good for you. I’m fantasizing about devouring a big hunk right now. But I guess I’ll settle for a long banana.

33 comments:

  1. On 226 if you don't message him however will he know who to send the $1,000,000? It sounds like some trickery afoot.

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  2. The drum set kind of confuses me. Is he making a double entendre? Is he just really protective of his drum kit? Did he get mixed up and think he was on facebook?

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  3. What about guitars?
    That guy is a little paranoid.
    Just up for a second and checked my post to be sure it went as scheduled. Others are going to be jealous you keep snagging first comment!

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  4. Did you find this list off of a Mensa membership site? Most of these guys can spell, so you're already ahead. Forget the million dollar man, but the rest seem better than roadkill.

    Julie

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  5. #225 has an ear for movie dialogue, I'll give him that. I think Scorsese should hire him for his next gangster picture.

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  6. #226 Is pretty smart... Ruth has a point. How are you going to get at that $$$$. Jeesh!

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  7. Not a problem, honey. I’ve seen your picture and I hate you because of your receding hair line.

    nice one Robyn, a veritable pant wetter.

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  8. Better than roadkill...ha! I like Julie's comment. Wow, that's a sorry lot to choose from. :)

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  9. There is some fine print with that $$$ guy and too bad the one only had drums and not a trombone haha

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  10. I like the stepbrothers reference

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  11. This seems to be the round filled with just utter idiocy Robyn and that really made me laugh. The drink betting one is just bizarre and the real eyes realise real lies line is genius but like you say, what the heck is it even supposed to mean?????

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  12. Oh my gosh, I'm just laughing and really don't know what to think. Ummm... enjoy your banana?

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  13. Ruth, it does cause brain pain and he hasn't sent the winnings yet. I'm growing suspicious.

    Kellie, LOL, I'll opt for the facebook option. You are funny. Thanks for the follow!

    Alex, I can't believe I got there twice now. It's nice to be first at something.

    EmptyNest, yes, spellcheck didn't go wild with this batch. I doubt they made mensa, though. I suppose I could settle for somewhere between mensa and roadkill. Thanks!

    GB, you always see the best in people.

    MyJourney, hmm, you think it's a scam? Smiles. Thanks.

    David, glad to make you laugh. I hope you didn't have to change your pants.

    LG, Julie always leaves great comments. She's right, too, there have been even sorrier lots.

    Pat, yeah, I'd settle for a guy with a nice big...trombone.

    Adam, thanks. I'm not sure which that was, but I'll go back and try to figure it out.

    YW, yeah, the real eyes one gives you a headache. Right?

    Julie, hahaha, great response. Thank you. I did.

    xoRobyn

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  14. You had to mention Twix when I'm on diet, dirrent you?

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  15. Mr. Twix sounds right up your alley. Or are you more of a Whatchamacallit gal?

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  16. I'm so glad I'm not in the dating scene.

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  17. Hi Robyn,

    Yes, it the Z-Aer here! :)

    Ouch and you really snared me in with the 'cymbalism' of reason 229.

    And speaking of those dating ads I've seen on TV. They state, "If you don't get a date in the first six months, the next six months are free!" Great stuff. Prolong my humiliation :)

    And tell Alex that guitars are nothing to fret over....Ha Ha....

    Gary :)

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  18. Great list of avoidables!
    Funny stuff here :)

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  19. Robyn, These are hilarious. What are people thinking when they write this crap? The drum set - that was a line from a really stupid movie(yet very funny if you like dumb movies) called Step Brothers.

    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com

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  20. ADSL, it was the stupid guy, not me. I just mentioned a big hunk. Mmm.

    PTM, I'm more of a big hunk gal. I've had my share of whatchamacallits and they don't do it for me.

    Stephen, be glad. Be proud and be relieved.

    Klahanie, yeah, it's not exactly incentive to have to endure another half-year of trying to find a semi-normal date through the internet. Excellent point. Smiles.

    Lexie, thanks. Little do they know how much entertainment they're providing.

    Rhonda, thanks so much for enlightening me. That's what Adam was referring to also, but I didn't get the reference. Now I know to avoid #229 and the movie.

    L, thank you kindly.

    xoRobyn

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  21. Ughhh. This is just flat-out depressing.

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  22. Real eyes? Well, I guess that leaves Sammy Davis Jr. and Peter Falk out.
    And not just because they're dead.

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  23. So funny! That #230 with the whole "real eyes, realize" thing was very puzzling, wasn't it?

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  24. rommunication gets me every time! ha!

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  25. Oh yes, "looking for someone who's fun." I love those completely generic descriptions. Like, "I love music, and movies, and beautiful scenery. I'm looking for someone who shares my interests."

    Because, you know, the dating world is full of people who say, "I hate music, I hate movies, and I can't stand a beautiful sunset. Ugh. It just disgusts me."

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  26. Dawn, tell me about it.

    Al, yeah, it's discriminatory, isn't it? And not just because those guys are dead.

    Lexa, it kinda keeps your brain wandering for hours.

    Yvonne, me too. It's proof that the guy really can't communicate.

    BnB, so true. There are many that say "looking for a women/woman (more often the first spelling) to date". No kidding, dude. Ugh.

    Thanks, all.
    xoRobyn

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  27. Because I thought you were on vacation I almost missed this little gem. #227 has me on the floor. Where on earth do you find these guys? No wait maybe their are not found on earth. Ah, now I feel much better.

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  28. Lol. I bet 226 will get poor real fast!!

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