And I Wrote This Book.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Penetration Testing: Reasons for Celibacy #232-239

Admittedly, chronic celibacy stirs boredom and frustration. It's not nearly as tiresome, though, as sifting through today's available specimens. Take, for example, the following fragments of men's internet dating ads: reasons 232 through 239 for my celibate existence.  As always, I've included italicized commentary at no extra charge. Enjoy (?)
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REASON #232: You've slept with worse???? (Message for pic)    
Without the photo, I can’t say for sure, though I probably have.

REASON #233: Everyone look at me
How? You didn’t post a photo. Oh, we’re supposed to see that you’re a 25 year old, 6 foot tall DOCTOR with an athletic body and a crafty personality? You certainly are “crafty” if that means “a lying bozo.”

REASON #234: Trying to find a beatiful woman
You  mean, you’re looking for someone who’s into BDSM?EL James is taken and that's not my thing. Good luck elsewhere.

REASON #235: Want some that has there life but would like to shear some with some too.
I’m confused. Are you into sheep? 'Cuz this website is more for the fishy type.

REASON #236: All women are excellent drivers
That’s an interesting factoid, babe, but I don’t suggest getting behind the wheel with Lindsay Lohan, Snooki or Barbara Bush.

REASON #237: I like sports,movie theather,,read book,,Im respectful, caring, honest, easygoing,healthy,clean with nice behaviour guy,im open for any music I listen to everything,I love to traveling,camping,I love outdoor im possitve guy with high energy , if you have any queastion please ask
Ok, I don’t mean to be politically incorrect, but is English your third language?

REASON #238: i plan to work as a penetration tester for a career.
Don’t all men? [I mean, aside from my gentlemanly reader(s), of course.]

REASON #239: lets play hide the sausage
And you’re suggesting this game because…small things are easy to hide?

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Postscript: I'd never heard of "penetration testing" as a career path. Have you?It seems, based on the rest of his boring ad, that # 238 is serious. So I did a bit of research. Here's what I learned from this link.

What is penetration testing?

The term "penetration testing" is an industry buzzword, which used to mean something quite specific, but is now commonly used by customers to refer to just about any type of security testing. We won't be bucking the trend either; we know a dead horse when we see one.  

Heck, I do too. That's why I prefer to bypass the novice tester and pay for professional services.

The general process tends to be that your systems get tested, and then at the end you receive a report that highlights all the insecure areas that need attention, along with advice on how to fix them.  

Better yet: I'll compile a comprehensive list of said insecure regions needing special attention. You'll send your best man for the job. Thank you.

28 comments:

  1. #238... I must admit I'd never heard of that one. I thought it was a pick up line. A very awful pick up line!

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  2. haha Sheep and fishy types.. lol

    Excellent drivers, wow he is desperate lol

    Great to see this series return! Hilarious!

    Now I'm off to become a penetration tester!

    xo

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  3. Holy cow!

    Poor bastages. :-)

    I've been single, and I've been in a relationship. They both have their good points. (Thought I'd shear that with you!)

    Pearl

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  4. Penetration testing and hide and seek, you have it all.

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  5. The man who says all women are excellent drivers might be funny in a kiss-ass kind of way - and he can spell too! The penetration tester would constantly be examining your vulnerable points and giving you advice, which would get boring after a while.

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  6. And that's why vibrators are a woman's best friend.

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  7. Hahahahah.... Love Debra's comment. REASON #237 tried to cram everything possible into that one.

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  8. Someone has suck up issues. In order to hide it, wouldn't it first have to be found? lol

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  9. Nice explanation but "Penetration Tester" still sounds dirty, not that I'm against it.

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  10. MsA, thanks. I was slightly nervous that it may be a commonly known legit profession. It's a legit profession, it seems. But not so commonly heard of.

    Anthony, yes, I'm back with more fishyness. Thank you.

    Pearl, I know, the bastages are more ignorant than ever. Thanks for shearing. I appreciate it.

    John, yep, except someone to play with. Good luck to them on that one.

    GB, I like my man to do all the driving, so he doesn't even do well at kissing up.

    Debra, high-five on that one. I've just gotta stock up on rechargeable batteries.

    MyJourney, Debra's great, and we just met. A lot of them do the cramming thing (but without penetration testing). It's pathetic and incredibly boring. Imagine them on a date. Been there, done that.

    Adam, glad to make you laugh. Don't try it at home.

    Pat, haha, great point. You have to have something visible in order to hide it.

    Stephen, I agree. Make it sound scientific, I'll still laugh when I read or hear "penetration testing." I'm glad for Mrs. C. that you aren't opposed.

    Cheers, all.
    xoRobyn

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  11. Some of these are just terrible haha, I don't think it even needs queastioned haha!

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  12. LOL!#238.

    penetration testing cracks me up!

    thanks for the laughs!
    xoxo

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  13. Good grief, "We won't be bucking the trend either" oops, misread "bucking" for another word. What the "F" is wrong with me.

    I think I need my system tested. Hell, I think I regained my virginity! :)

    Okay, I'm going now....

    Gary
    x

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  14. At least the penetration tester doesn't mention hiding the sausage :-)

    This was very funny! So glad I discovered you through the Bloggers Facebook page.

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  15. Penetration Testing sounds like the next most sought after major at the biggest party schools! Just mentioning it will have volunteers lining up like sheep in no time.

    Julie

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  16. Why did the six-foot doctor with the ripped body think he'd entice you with his "crafty" personality? Doesn't this mean he's a lying jerk? The penetrating tester (in his dreams!) seems like a caring guy by comparison.

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  17. Ha, ha, ha. So, none of these guys have spell check, or a friend who can proofread, or two brain cells rubbing together in their wee tiny little head.

    As for the 'Penetration Tester' - need I say more.

    Oh and Mr. Sausage - has that line EVER worked?

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  18. The sheep guys confused me as well.
    I've seen the movie Sneakers and I don't remember them calling it 'penetration testing' at all. Trust me, that's a phrase I would remember.

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  19. Yeamie, yes, they're unqueastionably terrible. Thanks for stopping by. You always do, and I appreciate it.

    Betty, I'm relieved that I'm not the only one who thinks that's a funny, and odd, term.

    Klahanie, there's been no bucking, or anything rhyming with it, around here either. In fact, Gorilla Bananas once appointed me an honorary virgin. I kinda like that.

    Marti, that's a good point. He's not testing while hiding or vice versa. Phew. Thanks for the follow and new connection!

    EmptyNest, I think you're right. Problem is, the testers will need subjects.

    Margaret, I noticed that too; "crafty" doesn't fit with the rest of his bogus profile. And the penetration tester is probably the best of the lot. I'm not inclined to offer my materials for his research, though.

    Farawayeyes, your comments make me laugh. I love it. I've never responded favorably to the sausage line (never actually heard it either), but I can't imagine that any woman would.

    xoRobyn

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  20. I found #237 very hard to read.

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  21. Oh my gosh! 238 & 239 are just awful. How an they expect to get a woman with these lame ads? Maybe they'll get one whose third language is English. ;-)

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  22. Penetration testing...I'm leery of anything that is overtly an innuendo and an industry buzzword. Besides, the jokes and smartass remarks have completely short-circuited my brain.

    BTW, my picture is a fake. I'm really a svelte Norwegian goddess, but I need to make I'm loved for me. ;)

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  23. Well you know, you can trust everything you read on the internet... :)

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