Reasons for Celibacy: # 341-350: My Density

Hi, Friends,

I hope life is treating you well.
Now that I'm back to reading on-line dating ads (both for your entertainment and my...gratitude. Thank goodness for celibacy!), we're moving on to reasons #341-350 for a straight single gal like me to fully appreciate solitude. Enjoy.            
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REASON #341: Helpwanted  

Okay, babe. The spacebar is just below the bottom row of letters. Tap it gently with either of your thumbs.

REASON #342: I am your density...

*gripping a hearty roll of belly fat*. Funny, I thought that was all the chocolate I eat.

REASON #343: Born with a Bow Tie 

Did it hurt your Mommy’s nipples?

REASON #344: love a fireplace

No thanks. I don’t wanna get burned. 

REASON #345: Why the hell do u women pucker ur lips up 4 a pic

Oh, sweetie, you’re looking at the tabloids. It’s called botox.

REASON #346: looking for Venus I'm Jupiter!????

Phew! For a minute there, I was afraid you were gonna show me Uranus.

REASON #347: i am he, here i am 

You’re he? He is I? There I is?

REASON #348: he is I and I am him!! 

Wait a minute. The other guy is he and I is there but you are he and he is him and so is I. I’m so confused!

REASON #349: Does "REAL" Exsist............

That I can’t tell you.

REASON #350: Are your standards to high?  

Apparently.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keep a smile and have a good week!

Orange is the New Hot: Poetic Erotica

Hi! My friends from Chico's Open Mic scene have been encouraging me to continue with holiday-based poetic erotica. June posed a challenge, though. Father's Day? I couldn't do it. So I went with ordinary erotica instead. This one's based on an "encounter" I had in Big Sur years ago. I'd blogged about it then, and I've made that piece into a poem. I bet Alex will remember the original post. I'm not sure about the rest of you.

At any rate, I hope you're neither miserably hot and sticky, nor terribly cold and frigid. That's never good.
Be well, take care, and enjoy.

Robyn Asks Kris Jenner The Real Questions and Makes her Tantrum: IWSG

My computer went on strike last night. I'm happy that it decided to work for the moment, especially because it's time for the IWSG ~ Insecure Writer's Support Group, the brainchild of Alex J. Cavanaugh. It's a chance to support each other and express our writerly insecurities.I've somehow morphed that mission into interviewing the rich, famous, and stupid. Here we go...

Robyn = black bold / Kris = pink background

Today, my friends, I'm welcoming Kris Jenner, Mom-Manager of the Kardashian clan and ex-wife to the woman formerly known as the man and Olympic Gold Medalist Bruce Jenner, now currently known as the woman Caitlyn Jenner. See photo on the left.

Come on out here, Kris! Kris Jenner, dressed in all black, walks onto the stage tearfully and sits on a bar stool. She notices that nobody is in the audience, and there's no bartender to bring her a drink or seven.
Yeah, thanks for coming, Mrs. Jenner. I mean, Bruce Jenner's ex-wife. I couldn't get anyone here. They're all at the stage next-door. Caitlyn's talking about his, I mean her, Vanity Fair photo shoot. So what's the most upsetting part of the whole thing for you, is it--Kris breaks in while Robyn's talking--Well, he, he, didn't tell--Robyn breaks in while Kris is talking--I bet it's that his, I mean her, breasts are perkier than yours, right? 

Or is it that you weren't woman enough for him to want to stay a man? 
Kris begins to wail.  
I'm sorry. This is obviously a very touchy subject for you. Your mascara is running all over the place. Good God, you look terrible! In fact, that botox lip job is horrid. Caitlyn's mouth looks much sexier. Don't you think? Robyn holds up a huge photo of Caitlyn, placing it next to Kris' face, as if to compare. Kris wails louder.
I know. I know. But is this really about the fact that he's, I mean she's, getting more attention than you now?
No, It's not that. It's, I just don't know what to believe anymore about our marriage and --Robyn interrupts-- Look, b*tch! You were never nice to him. I mean, her, but she was a he when you were married to him, so I think it's okay for me to say him, given the timing of the him-to-her-transition. Now you're acting all, "I'm so jilted because my ex-husband turned into a woman!" I mean, yeah, it's a weird concept to swallow. On that note, did you ever...? Never mind. I have a hard - pardon the pun - time with it too. There's something awkard and creepy about this Bruce-to-Caitlyn thing. If it were truly a private decision, why is he insisting on his, I mean why is she insisting on her, TV show and all the hoopla and...Well, hot damn, her breasts look pretty good. Don't you think? Kris is now face down on the floor, tantrumming loudly. 

Robyn laughs at her and mocks, Baby talk, baby talk! It's a wonder you can walk!  Next, Robyn turns to the camera. 
What do you think, folks?