Diddle Diddle Dumpling & Anger Management

 

Part I. Diddle Diddle Dumpling, for Stephen Hayes

It's taken me approximately one month per word to complete a challenge posed by Stephen Hayes in response to this Jack and Jill rhyme pairing. He suggested writing a modern day version of the poem, Diddle Diddle Dumpling. I have no excuses for the time lag. I can't even claim that the end result justifies the wait. Sorry, Stephen.

The original Mother Goose Rhyme: 
Diddle Diddle Dumpling, my son John
Went to bed with his stockings on
One shoe off, one shoe on
Diddle Diddle Dumpling my son John

My version:  
Twittering and sexting, Don Juan John
Romps in beds with no condom on
He gets off, she gets spawn
Now two dozen kids cry for Papa John.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part II. Anger Management

I dedicate this rhyme, which I wrote in 1978 (age 12), to Kanye West, Mel Gibson, Reese Witherspoon, Alec Baldwin, Amanda Bynes, and all other celebrity hot-heads. [Who else? I'm sure to be missing loads of names.] 

I'd be angry too if I had no ears, my hair resembled a wilting Chia pet and my feet, white bricks. But I was only 12. [My current cartooning's worse.] Since this rhyme is hard to read, I'll type it here: 

KEEP YOUR COOL!

When you're down and feeling low,

Don't let hatred let you go,

Despite the angers you may get,

Always Remember, "Forgive and Forget!"