I've a special guest for you today! Yes, fresh off of the campaign trail, the one and only legend in his one and only ego-infested mind, Presidential candidate for 2020 who lost by a shocking landslide, Kanye West. Welcome, Kanye!
Note: All that's highlighted are ACTUAL Kanye quotes. *oops, I mean, except the last one, but he would've said that if he met me.
Kanye breaks through the stage curtains shouting: "Welp! West 2024!"
Robyn: Look at you, Mr. West. 60,000 votes for President! Whew! That's less than .04 PERCENT of the 160 MILLION total votes. Even worse than Trump's historic loss. Robyn emits a giggle-snort. You did concede, I give ya that. What do you have to say for yourself?
Kanye: I am Shakespeare in the flesh.
Robyn: I see. And like Shakespeare, you've done some writing. You wrote your name on your home-state of Wyoming's ballot. You failed to get on that ballot and on the ballots of 38 states! Go you! Robyn jumps in giddy cheerleader fashion, forming an X in the air and landing, well, on her tuchas. Unaffected, she asks, What were you thinking?
Kanye: Here's something that's contrary to popular belief. I actually don't like thinking.
Robyn's eyebrows shoot up, as she rises to her feet. Say it isn't so!
Kanye: I think people think I like to think a lot. And I don't. I do not like to think at all.
Robyn: You're blowing my mind, sir. Blowing my mind!
Kanye smiles, complimented. Every time I say something that's extremely truthful out loud, it literally breaks the Internet.
Robyn looks at the camera, I can't. I just can't. She turns to Kanye and steps within inches of him. Literally, dumbf*k, literally nothing and nobody can break the Internet. Get the *bleep* off my stage, narcissistic idiotic moronic *bleepin* *bleep!*
Kanye raises his arms in a victory "v", shouts You f*kn crazy *bleep* midget. I don't *bleepin* need this *bleep!* A sympathetic, ever indebted Beyonce scurries to his side and escorts him out of the studio.
Robyn: I'm very sorry it came to this folks. Welp! That's a wrap. Take good care of yourselves and stay away from the *bleepin* *bleeps!*
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