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Saturday, December 20, 2014

Christmas Erotica

Dear friends,

I brought the house down on Thursday with this bit at Chico's (Has Beans Cafe's) last open mic of the year. When I finished, the crowd roared and cheered for a while. Never before had I felt so popular. I guess people like poems about Xmas gift giving. Who knew?

Now, they expect poetic erotica for all of the holidays, though I'm not sure what I'll do for a few of them.

"Don't even think about writing a poem for Martin Luther King Day, Robyn," my friend, Sue, warned.

"Of course, I won't," I told her. "And there's Groundhog and Mother's Day too. I can't go there."

Sue nodded in agreement.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. You may want to embiggen, and I'm only talking about the poem. Wink.

   I'll be celebrating Christmassukkah with family in the coming week and won't be around much. I'll blog again, though, before year's end.

   Much love for a safe, warm, festive, non-silent (Wink) Christmas week. I appreciate you all. xo

Posted by Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com
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59 comments:

  1. Elephant's ChildDecember 20, 2014 at 2:54 PM

    Add some roaring and cheering from the other side of the world to your score.
    Have a very happy love and laughter filled holiday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 21, 2014 at 5:06 PM

      Thank you, EC.
      I hope it's a wonderful, warm Xmas on the other side of the world. It's warm there, yes? I'm jealous. xo

      Delete
  2. Alex J. CavanaughDecember 20, 2014 at 3:16 PM

    That's hilarious, Robyn!
    Unless you are ready to go into the realm of Plushies and Furries, good idea to skip Groundhog Day.
    Valentine's Day - do your worst!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 21, 2014 at 5:08 PM

      Yeah, plushies, furries and groundhog adult toys would make for very disturbing erotica, Alex.xo

      Delete
  3. JoJoDecember 20, 2014 at 3:40 PM

    BWAA HAAA HAAA "but who cares I'm a Jew". AWESOME! Happy Christmassukkah to you too!

    ReplyDelete
  4. stephen HayesDecember 20, 2014 at 3:50 PM

    Love the poem. Now I'm finally in the mood for The Holidays.

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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 21, 2014 at 5:09 PM

      I'm glad I helped you get there, Stephen. I hope the Mrs. benefits from this one too. xo

      Delete
  5. AnonymousDecember 20, 2014 at 4:05 PM

    Now do you have one for Hanukah or is that an untouchable?

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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 21, 2014 at 5:12 PM

      Delores, there is Hanukah Harry, and his gifting lasts for eight days...Oh my, you got me started.

      Xmas offers more material. Maybe I'll write one for Hanukah next year. Smiles.

      Delete
  6. Debra She Who SeeksDecember 20, 2014 at 4:32 PM

    Another work of GENIUS, Robyn! And please don't miss Groundhog Day -- could be fun with furry hand puppets or just plain Furries, eh? And Martin Luther King Day -- "I have a dream" -- elaborate. And Mother's Day -- hmmm, whatchya doin'? YO MAMA! Elaborate. Unless a holiday is a seriously religious one, they should all be grist to your mill! And even religious holidays often have a pagan side that can easily be sexy -- like, for Easter, I wouldn't do a poem about "o yeah baby, nail me, Jesus" but eggs, bunnies and fertility rituals? GO FOR IT. And don't forget the maypole on May Day either. Okay, I'll shut up now.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 21, 2014 at 5:13 PM

      Debra, I got your wheels spinning. You are on! That is, you're hired. I will consult with you before every holiday. I love your ideas. Thanks!

      Delete
  7. Full-On-ForwardDecember 20, 2014 at 4:58 PM

    Merry Christmas Dear Friend! LMBO!

    J

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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 21, 2014 at 5:19 PM

      My loyal, long time, good friend, have a great holiday season. LYlots!

      Delete
  8. Pat HattDecember 20, 2014 at 5:04 PM

    lol that will put a jingle in any ones step, with balls full of joy haha what? Bill Murray may not like you skipping the groundhog day

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 21, 2014 at 5:20 PM

      Really, Groundhog Day? Oy, seems I need to start working on that one. When is Groundhog Day anyway? Merry Xmas to you and the cat!

      Delete
  9. JoanneDecember 20, 2014 at 5:14 PM

    somehow, it's so wrong and I love that it's right. Merry Christmas/Hannukah my friend. You are a gem. I wish you all the blessings and best in this holiday season. ho ho ho

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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 21, 2014 at 5:21 PM

      It IS really, really wrong, right? Smiles.
      Broad hugs for a wonderful Xmas, Joanne. I'm so grateful for our connection through the ole broads. xo

      Delete
  10. Dixie@dcreliefDecember 20, 2014 at 5:29 PM

    Hahahahahha.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Plowing Through Life (Martha)December 20, 2014 at 5:54 PM

    Hahahahaha! You wonderfully naughty girl :)

    Happy holidays to you!

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  12. Author R. Mac WheelerDecember 20, 2014 at 6:02 PM

    ha ha

    ReplyDelete
  13. Geo.December 20, 2014 at 6:47 PM

    My dear, you're an absolute hoot! Please add my enthusiasm to that of your audience at the reading. Wish I'd been there. Best wishes and happy Chanukah.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The CrankyDecember 20, 2014 at 8:44 PM

    'Tis a work of genius my friend, and one that finally got me in the holiday spirit!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 21, 2014 at 5:24 PM

      Woohoo. I'm glad, Jacqueline, cuz it wouldn't be fun around here without your spunk. Thanks and love to you.

      Delete
  15. Gorilla BananasDecember 20, 2014 at 11:45 PM

    I would have been roaring and cheering with them, Robyn, and I wouldn't have waited until the end of the poem! I didn't expect you to mention your cookie, but now that you have expectations have been raised.

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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 21, 2014 at 5:25 PM

      It's a sugar cookie with chocolate drippings, GB. Oh, sorry if I raised expectations even higher. Smiles.

      Delete
  16. A Beer for the ShowerDecember 21, 2014 at 10:27 AM

    What about Presidents' Day? There are some real sexy presidents... (No, wait)

    Consider us as both giving you a wild standing ovation while also blushing awkwardly. I'll never look at that bearded fat man quite the same way again...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 21, 2014 at 5:27 PM

      Well, I'm thinking I might be able to work with the head of the oval office, the man in a very high position...and then there's the whole Lewinsky-cigar factor.

      Thanks for adding your enthusiasm. I'll never look at a bearded fat man the same either. xo

      Delete
  17. New Release BooksDecember 21, 2014 at 11:18 AM

    Hoot! Awesome! I'm in the right spirits now!

    ReplyDelete
  18. klahanieDecember 21, 2014 at 5:14 PM

    Hi human, Robyn,

    Ah yes, I guess,
    What a spirited pawem
    Ahem, poem
    Takes Santa's full sack
    And mind the crack.

    Arf and thanks for this
    Your seasonal bliss.

    Pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses,

    Penny :) xx

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 21, 2014 at 5:30 PM

      You have me laughing, Penny. How do you come up with poetic responses so quickly? You're very clever. I have much affinity for you and your person. Love to you both for stockings stuffed with all good things. xo

      Delete
  19. UnknownDecember 21, 2014 at 7:00 PM

    Robyn, you've done it again ;)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 22, 2014 at 8:48 AM

      Aw, thanks Michael. Soak up a summer-y Xmas for the rest of us. xo

      Delete
  20. Al PenwasserDecember 21, 2014 at 7:15 PM

    You give new meaning to the term "Santa coming down the chimney."
    Enjoy your holiday!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 22, 2014 at 8:49 AM

      Yeah, and it's tight and full of cobwebs, but he's excited to come down it. Naughty Santa! xo

      Delete
    2. Al PenwasserDecember 29, 2014 at 11:46 AM

      He'll just have to watch out for the Yule Log.

      Delete
  21. Lux G.December 22, 2014 at 12:22 AM

    Woah! And here I am laughing out loud! hahahaha. You deserved the cheer. Mind you, that was a hot hot hot poem for Santa. Haha. What will Mrs. Clause say, huh?

    I knew you'd deserve the Liebster award so I'm nominating you. Tee hee. You may accept it here:

    http://baredmysoul.blogspot.com/2014/12/liebster-award-recepient-again.html

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 22, 2014 at 8:51 AM

      Actually, I forgot to include my favorite verse about Mrs. Claus..."Don't wrap it up. We'll tie bows 'round our selves. Mrs. Claus won't notice, cuz she plays with the elves." So there you go, she won't even notice. She's a naughty lady, that Mrs. Claus.

      Thanks so much for the award, SuperLux.

      Delete
    2. Lux G.December 22, 2014 at 11:06 AM

      LOL! So it doesn't matter if Santa fools around then.

      Delete
  22. Empty Nest InsiderDecember 22, 2014 at 12:44 AM

    LOVED this! Talk about a killer ending! They probably had to sneak you out the back entrance, though you've demonstrated you're a no holes barred kinda gal! Have a wonderful Christmassukkah, in Naughtytown, Robyn! Great pictures too!

    Julie

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    Replies
    1. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 22, 2014 at 8:55 AM

      Julie, "no holes barred" - I resemble that phrase. Smiles. Actually, funny thing is, George took my hand and walked me out quickly. It wasn't because of my performance/poem, though. It was because Igor (remember him, from earlier posts) asked him for a ride home. He told Igor, "I'm with Robyn tonight," and Igor cluelessly said, "Well, let me know." Geeze, Be well and a little naughty, No silent nights for us Jews. xo

      Delete
  23. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comDecember 22, 2014 at 8:58 AM

    Hi ya, my dear nice and naughty e-friends,
    Excuse me while I'm mostly away from blogland in the upcoming week. My precious nephew anxiously awaits my arrival. He'll teach auntie about the Wii and Exlax (or was it xbox?) and PSWhat'dyoubringme? or something like that. xoxo Keep faith, a smile, and a bit of naughty - in chocolate form or otherwise.

    ReplyDelete
  24. UnknownDecember 22, 2014 at 12:02 PM

    Wishing a warm and safe holidays with your family! Merry Christmas dear!

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

    ReplyDelete
  25. RobinDecember 22, 2014 at 2:39 PM

    Your poems are so naughty. I feel a bit naughty just reading them. ha!

    I posted a bit on my blog about Chrismukkah... I thought of you when I did it. I hope you like it:)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Janie JunebugDecember 22, 2014 at 6:00 PM

    That is outstanding. I wish I'd thought of it.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  27. Theresa MahoneyDecember 22, 2014 at 9:31 PM

    What is it with you Jews and your attraction to Santa Claus? It is like a forbidden fruit? A big shiny sugar plum maybe? lol

    I always get a good chuckle from your erotica. Though you really could get away with a groundhog one. Lots of plays on hiding in the hole and whatnot ;)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Betty ManousosDecember 23, 2014 at 7:52 AM

    lol!

    wishing a happy holidays to you and yours!
    lots of love.

    ReplyDelete
  29. JonoDecember 23, 2014 at 10:55 AM

    Now I want to be Santa Claus. It's all your fault! Happy Christmahannukwanzadan!

    ReplyDelete
  30. BirgitDecember 23, 2014 at 3:08 PM

    I have been busy so I am finally here and this is so funny! I think I would rather have a European Santa-a bit thinner and won't be crushing my chest-I guess naughty IS nice:)...Of course it is!! Wishing all the best!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. mail4roseyDecember 23, 2014 at 5:37 PM

    Happy Holiday season to you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. UnknownDecember 24, 2014 at 2:53 PM

    Have a very happy holiday.

    ReplyDelete
  33. UnknownDecember 24, 2014 at 7:16 PM

    Thank you so much:), Merry Christmas to you too:).

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

    ReplyDelete
  34. ConnieDecember 26, 2014 at 7:14 AM

    Hahahaha! This is hilarious! Wishing you all the best, Robyn! :D

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anthony J. LangfordDecember 26, 2014 at 9:21 PM

    Haha that's brilliant Robyn. Love the compilation photograph too - I'd buy that for $14.99! Hope you had a great Christmassukkah romp!

    Happy New Year too! xo

    ReplyDelete
  36. Moving with MitchellDecember 31, 2014 at 5:03 AM

    Can't believe I missed this. A new classic for certain!

    My impression of you has always been that you've got your head screwed on straight. However, a couple of those photos have made me wonder.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Baby SisterJanuary 6, 2015 at 8:46 AM

    Hot and spicy!!

    ReplyDelete

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