And I Wrote This Book.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Christmas Erotica

Dear friends,

I brought the house down on Thursday with this bit at Chico's (Has Beans Cafe's) last open mic of the year. When I finished, the crowd roared and cheered for a while. Never before had I felt so popular. I guess people like poems about Xmas gift giving. Who knew?

Now, they expect poetic erotica for all of the holidays, though I'm not sure what I'll do for a few of them.

"Don't even think about writing a poem for Martin Luther King Day, Robyn," my friend, Sue, warned.

"Of course, I won't," I told her. "And there's Groundhog and Mother's Day too. I can't go there."

Sue nodded in agreement.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. You may want to embiggen, and I'm only talking about the poem. Wink.

   I'll be celebrating Christmassukkah with family in the coming week and won't be around much. I'll blog again, though, before year's end.

   Much love for a safe, warm, festive, non-silent (Wink) Christmas week. I appreciate you all. xo

60 comments:

  1. Add some roaring and cheering from the other side of the world to your score.
    Have a very happy love and laughter filled holiday.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, EC.
      I hope it's a wonderful, warm Xmas on the other side of the world. It's warm there, yes? I'm jealous. xo

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  2. That's hilarious, Robyn!
    Unless you are ready to go into the realm of Plushies and Furries, good idea to skip Groundhog Day.
    Valentine's Day - do your worst!

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    1. Yeah, plushies, furries and groundhog adult toys would make for very disturbing erotica, Alex.xo

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  3. BWAA HAAA HAAA "but who cares I'm a Jew". AWESOME! Happy Christmassukkah to you too!

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  4. Love the poem. Now I'm finally in the mood for The Holidays.

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    1. I'm glad I helped you get there, Stephen. I hope the Mrs. benefits from this one too. xo

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  5. Now do you have one for Hanukah or is that an untouchable?

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    1. Delores, there is Hanukah Harry, and his gifting lasts for eight days...Oh my, you got me started.

      Xmas offers more material. Maybe I'll write one for Hanukah next year. Smiles.

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  6. Another work of GENIUS, Robyn! And please don't miss Groundhog Day -- could be fun with furry hand puppets or just plain Furries, eh? And Martin Luther King Day -- "I have a dream" -- elaborate. And Mother's Day -- hmmm, whatchya doin'? YO MAMA! Elaborate. Unless a holiday is a seriously religious one, they should all be grist to your mill! And even religious holidays often have a pagan side that can easily be sexy -- like, for Easter, I wouldn't do a poem about "o yeah baby, nail me, Jesus" but eggs, bunnies and fertility rituals? GO FOR IT. And don't forget the maypole on May Day either. Okay, I'll shut up now.

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    1. Debra, I got your wheels spinning. You are on! That is, you're hired. I will consult with you before every holiday. I love your ideas. Thanks!

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  7. Merry Christmas Dear Friend! LMBO!

    J

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    1. My loyal, long time, good friend, have a great holiday season. LYlots!

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  8. lol that will put a jingle in any ones step, with balls full of joy haha what? Bill Murray may not like you skipping the groundhog day

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    1. Really, Groundhog Day? Oy, seems I need to start working on that one. When is Groundhog Day anyway? Merry Xmas to you and the cat!

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  9. somehow, it's so wrong and I love that it's right. Merry Christmas/Hannukah my friend. You are a gem. I wish you all the blessings and best in this holiday season. ho ho ho

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    1. It IS really, really wrong, right? Smiles.
      Broad hugs for a wonderful Xmas, Joanne. I'm so grateful for our connection through the ole broads. xo

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  10. Replies
    1. Dixie, Martha, Mac - glad to make you laugh. xo

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  11. Hahahahaha! You wonderfully naughty girl :)

    Happy holidays to you!

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  12. My dear, you're an absolute hoot! Please add my enthusiasm to that of your audience at the reading. Wish I'd been there. Best wishes and happy Chanukah.

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    1. Thank you, Geo. Have a fabulous holiday, dear man. xo

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  13. 'Tis a work of genius my friend, and one that finally got me in the holiday spirit!

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    1. Woohoo. I'm glad, Jacqueline, cuz it wouldn't be fun around here without your spunk. Thanks and love to you.

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  14. I would have been roaring and cheering with them, Robyn, and I wouldn't have waited until the end of the poem! I didn't expect you to mention your cookie, but now that you have expectations have been raised.

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    1. It's a sugar cookie with chocolate drippings, GB. Oh, sorry if I raised expectations even higher. Smiles.

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  15. What about Presidents' Day? There are some real sexy presidents... (No, wait)

    Consider us as both giving you a wild standing ovation while also blushing awkwardly. I'll never look at that bearded fat man quite the same way again...

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    1. Well, I'm thinking I might be able to work with the head of the oval office, the man in a very high position...and then there's the whole Lewinsky-cigar factor.

      Thanks for adding your enthusiasm. I'll never look at a bearded fat man the same either. xo

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  16. Hoot! Awesome! I'm in the right spirits now!

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  17. Hi human, Robyn,

    Ah yes, I guess,
    What a spirited pawem
    Ahem, poem
    Takes Santa's full sack
    And mind the crack.

    Arf and thanks for this
    Your seasonal bliss.

    Pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses,

    Penny :) xx

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    1. You have me laughing, Penny. How do you come up with poetic responses so quickly? You're very clever. I have much affinity for you and your person. Love to you both for stockings stuffed with all good things. xo

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  18. Replies
    1. Aw, thanks Michael. Soak up a summer-y Xmas for the rest of us. xo

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  19. You give new meaning to the term "Santa coming down the chimney."
    Enjoy your holiday!

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    1. Yeah, and it's tight and full of cobwebs, but he's excited to come down it. Naughty Santa! xo

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    2. He'll just have to watch out for the Yule Log.

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  20. Woah! And here I am laughing out loud! hahahaha. You deserved the cheer. Mind you, that was a hot hot hot poem for Santa. Haha. What will Mrs. Clause say, huh?

    I knew you'd deserve the Liebster award so I'm nominating you. Tee hee. You may accept it here:

    http://baredmysoul.blogspot.com/2014/12/liebster-award-recepient-again.html

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    1. Actually, I forgot to include my favorite verse about Mrs. Claus..."Don't wrap it up. We'll tie bows 'round our selves. Mrs. Claus won't notice, cuz she plays with the elves." So there you go, she won't even notice. She's a naughty lady, that Mrs. Claus.

      Thanks so much for the award, SuperLux.

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    2. LOL! So it doesn't matter if Santa fools around then.

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  21. LOVED this! Talk about a killer ending! They probably had to sneak you out the back entrance, though you've demonstrated you're a no holes barred kinda gal! Have a wonderful Christmassukkah, in Naughtytown, Robyn! Great pictures too!

    Julie

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    1. Julie, "no holes barred" - I resemble that phrase. Smiles. Actually, funny thing is, George took my hand and walked me out quickly. It wasn't because of my performance/poem, though. It was because Igor (remember him, from earlier posts) asked him for a ride home. He told Igor, "I'm with Robyn tonight," and Igor cluelessly said, "Well, let me know." Geeze, Be well and a little naughty, No silent nights for us Jews. xo

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  22. Hi ya, my dear nice and naughty e-friends,
    Excuse me while I'm mostly away from blogland in the upcoming week. My precious nephew anxiously awaits my arrival. He'll teach auntie about the Wii and Exlax (or was it xbox?) and PSWhat'dyoubringme? or something like that. xoxo Keep faith, a smile, and a bit of naughty - in chocolate form or otherwise.

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  23. Wishing a warm and safe holidays with your family! Merry Christmas dear!

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

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  24. Your poems are so naughty. I feel a bit naughty just reading them. ha!

    I posted a bit on my blog about Chrismukkah... I thought of you when I did it. I hope you like it:)

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  25. That is outstanding. I wish I'd thought of it.

    Love,
    Janie

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  26. What is it with you Jews and your attraction to Santa Claus? It is like a forbidden fruit? A big shiny sugar plum maybe? lol

    I always get a good chuckle from your erotica. Though you really could get away with a groundhog one. Lots of plays on hiding in the hole and whatnot ;)

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  27. lol!

    wishing a happy holidays to you and yours!
    lots of love.

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  28. Now I want to be Santa Claus. It's all your fault! Happy Christmahannukwanzadan!

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  29. I have been busy so I am finally here and this is so funny! I think I would rather have a European Santa-a bit thinner and won't be crushing my chest-I guess naughty IS nice:)...Of course it is!! Wishing all the best!!

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  30. Thank you so much:), Merry Christmas to you too:).

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

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  31. Hahahaha! This is hilarious! Wishing you all the best, Robyn! :D

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  32. Haha that's brilliant Robyn. Love the compilation photograph too - I'd buy that for $14.99! Hope you had a great Christmassukkah romp!

    Happy New Year too! xo

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  33. Can't believe I missed this. A new classic for certain!

    My impression of you has always been that you've got your head screwed on straight. However, a couple of those photos have made me wonder.

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