Saturday, March 9, 2013

Slipper Slippage into Step-ladder Ensemble

Another excerpt from my novel, Woman on the Verge of Paradise, follows. This blurb takes us past my break-up with Noah, the dead-possum-kisser-who-perhaps-leaned-towards-necrophilia-and-lived-nextdoor-to-me-so-what-can-possibly-go-wrong? guy. 

I hope it brings laughter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
A few weeks post-breakup, I really missed Noah. Luckily, the lightbulb in my main room died. Perfect. I readily purchased a new one at the 7-11 directly behind Parkside Manor. To play it casual, I threw on a sweatsuit and slippers, then knocked on his door.

“Hi Noah, my lightbulb went out. Can I bother you to fix it for me? I can’t reach.” He agreed and walked a few steps into my apartment. 
At 5’8,” Noah couldn’t reach either. So I positioned my small step-ladder directly underneath the dead bulb and handed him the new one. Noah climbed to the third step. Nervous, I asked if he wanted a cup of water or something to drink. He said “No, I’ll just change this for you now that I’m up here.”
I needed to do something besides watch his handiwork, so I poured myself a cup of water in the kitchen, sipped, and left it on the counter. As I re-entered the main room, my slippers slipped. I fell on my butt and skid across the sleek hard-wood floor, crashing into the ladder. Noah jolted and jumped off to safety. Fortunately, he’d replaced the dead bulb before the collision.  
“Oh sorry,” I said with composure, sharp pangs surging through my rear and upper thighs. I stood up. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine. You scared the hell out of me, that’s all.”
“Oh sorry,” I reiterated. “Well um thanks for changing my lightbulb.” I stared at the floor, couldn’t look at him.
“Okay. I guess I’ll see you later.” Noah swiftly departed.
I begrudgingly walked into the kitchen, pulled open the freezer door and grabbed my ice-pack. A cold numbing sensation soon displaced the pain, but not the shame.

27 comments:

  1. I love this Robyn, like absolutely adore it, honestly you're such a talent, this book deserves to do brilliantly!

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  2. But you're still cute in your clumsiness!

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  3. Oh the shame...
    Great writing Robyn! I think there was enough of it to go around. We've all been there. Well, I know I have anyway.

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  4. So if you couldn't have him no one could? Trying to kill the poor guy? LOL

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  5. Yeamie, thank you for your sweet support. Glad you like it.

    Alex, ah shucks. Thank you. Noah didn't think so, but your opinion means a lot more.

    Pat, thank you.Funny how I can laugh about it now, but I never ever thought I'd share this story with anyone.

    PatH, I tried, but homicide isn't my forte. It backfired on me; I was the one who got hurt.

    Adam, I'm glad you like it. Thanks.

    xoRobyn

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  6. Robyn, I am so new to your blog, I wasn't aware of Noah, the dead-possum-kisser-who-perhaps-leaned-towards-necrophilia-and-lived-nextdoor-to-me-so-what-can-possibly-go-wrong? guy. That has got to be the greatest character anyone has ever written about.

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  7. What impresses me is Noah's chimp-like agility in jumping off the step-ladder before you collided with it. He should have been grateful that you gave him the chance to perform such a stunt. I would have offered to massage your sore butt.

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  8. I wish you so much success. I truly love your writing!

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  9. there's never a guy with a video cam when you need one is there?

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  10. I love this post, so cute. I am new to your blog, love your writing.

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  11. Cheryl, that means a lot. Thank you. I'll be sharing a bit more of this character.

    GB, he's almost as agile and you and your species, right? A butt massage would've been nice - from you, not Noah.

    MF, I'm honored. Thank you.

    KW, good point and thank goodness for that. Though it would be hilarious to watch now.

    Dawn, thanks so much for visiting and leaving a sweet comment. Nice to meet you here.

    xoRobyn

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  12. So funny and so sad at the same time. I hate when I do things like that in front of other people, especially the guys I was interested in.

    I'm loving your book!!

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  13. I'm glad that you weren't seriously injured. That Noah never had a dull moment living next door to you!

    Julie

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  14. Funny how we can laugh at things after a while, makes for great writing too!

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  15. Ease the pain but not the shame. I love it.

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  16. I'm with Alex. That actually sounds cute, but maybe I'd see it differently if I had to jump from a ladder to prevent my impending death.

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  17. The critter-kisser didn't even ask how you were, after you crashed to the floor? What a jerk. You are so, so well rid of that ass.
    And you did a really good job writing about it! Everybody who read that excerpt HATES him. I hope a meaty comeuppance is in his future.

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  18. BabySis, it was truly unpleasant at the time. I never thought I'd breath a word of it to anyone.

    Julie, thanks. Yeah, it was an interesting few months that felt like a decade or two.

    John, good point. Someone (I don't know who, but someone brilliant) said humor = tragedy + time.

    Thank you, Farawayeyes!

    Ah, thanks, BnB. You'd probably have a different perspective from atop a step ladder, but you wouldn't be a jerk about it.

    Margaret, YES! Thank you. In retrospect, I still can't believe the jackass never asked if I was okay. But he did change my lightbulb. ;-)

    xoRobyn

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  19. Isn't it great, all the humiliations of the past, now make GREAT stories.

    Funny story. Noah be nimble!

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  20. I thought the slipping was done on purpose so he would fall on you and inappropriate touching would be accidental.

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  21. Ah, too bad he didn't fall on top of ya! You sneaky vixen, you ;)

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  22. Funny story Robyn. What a shame something didnt happen when he was at a particular height.

    God, I hope this character gets laid!

    ;)

    xo

    ps keep up the great work!

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