And I Wrote This Book.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Robyn Meets the Bushes: IWSG

Welcome to the  March gathering of the IWSG (Insecure Writer’s Support Group). Alex J. Cavanaugh  founded the IWSG to provide a safe venue for expressing our vulnerabilities and offering each other support. We're posting on the first Wednesday of every month. Please check out Alex’s blog to visit others’ posts. It’s a thoughtful, fun group.  Join us, if you haven't already! All that's required is an insecurity or two hundred.
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Robyn: Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm excited to welcome two big-name politicians today. They're a father-son duo and they can be found in bobblehead form. That's right, folks. I'm talking about none other than Presidents George H. W. Bush, Sr, and George W. Junior! One decrepit woman screams wildly. The camera zooms in on the source of hysteria: a blindingly bright white-haired Barbara Bush. The Star Spangled Banner plays, as the two Bushes stroll to center stage. 

Robyn: Please take your seats. George Sr. reclines in an antique President's chair, and George Jr. makes a bee-line for a loud  orange child's table and chair (ala IKEA). He ecstatically thumbs through a Sponge Bob Square Pants coloring book and grabs the box of Crayolas on the table.

Robyn: Thank you both for coming. We're honored, especially since you (she faces George Sr.) recently recovered from a long bout of bronchitis.

George Jr.: Bronchitis? Daddy, I didn't know ya had a dinosaur.

George Sr. chuckles. My boy is such a card!

Robyn fakes laughter. Well, let me start by saying that we welcome all types at Life by Chocolate. I don't want to offend anyone except most of my guests. So I avoid discussing politics. Consider yourselves lucky, since I hate yours.

George Sr.: Excuse me?! We resent that, you uninformed liberal! Right, Georgie?

George Jr.: Uh huh um yeah ya unicorn nipple!

Robyn faces George Jr, an inquisitive look on her face.: There's a clear intellectual discrepancy between you two. What we've all wanted to know is, were you adopted, Georgie?

George Jr.: Heck no! I don't believe in adoption. I'm pro-Life!

Robyn: Got it. Say - turning to George Sr. - you just re-released a book, and you're 88 years old, and your book has a ridiculously long title: “All the Best, George Bush: My Life in Letters and Other Writings.” And it's 720 pages long. 720 pages?!

George Sr. That's right. The more recent material is focused on my boy here. He was harshly criticized for being slow, you know with Katrina and a slew of other things. But my boy cares. It's disgusting how they treated him.

George Jr. tugs on his father's coat sleeve. Pointing at a page of his coloring book, he says: Look, papa, he lives in a pineapple under the sea! He giggles.


Robyn: See folks, anyone can be President, so there's no reason why you can't write that next paragraph you've been struggling with, and then finish the next chapter. And there's no reason why you can't publish that book. Insecurities are stupid. Don't be slowed down by stupidity. Keep on keeping on.

George Jr.: Papa, can we go to Chuck E. Cheese now?

George Sr.: In the words of our friend, Sarah, you betcha!

America the Beautiful plays, as the Georges prepare to depart the stage hand-in-hand. Little George grabs the coloring book from the table. Barbara screams with approval and pride. Robyn waves at the camera and starts collecting crayons.

Thank you for visiting our show.

33 comments:

  1. I love that "Dubya" had to sit at the kid's table! Very clever Robyn!

    Julie

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  2. Aw! I miss Chunky-Cheese! Always enjoy reading these.

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  3. Unicorns have nipples?
    That's right, anyone can do it. If that didn't bring you hope, then I should.

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  4. I can't believe we had to endure Dubya for 8 years

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  5. haha so in other words a bird in the hand is worth two forms of Bush? that sounds so dirty. Cleverly done.

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  6. Bush senior has a book out? Well, I never. Why did he wait until he was 88? He could have published the first 360 pages when he was 66 to whet our appetites. A book in hand is worth two bushes in the studio.

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  7. OMG, so funny! :D
    Yes, very clever~

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  8. Had to come by to see who you were interviewing this month. Sr. has a dinosaur? Really?

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  9. It's distinctly possible that I find myself saying this every post but this is my favourite yet, absolutely hilarious haha, the youngest one was a terrible president, such a humorous guy. Do believe he is a nice bloke though despite his mistakes.

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  10. Julie, thanks. He loved the kiddie table.

    T.Drecker, do you really like it? It seems like utter chaos with bad pizza to me, but I only went once.

    Alex, Dubya seems to think unicorns have nipples, so they likely don't. Thanks for your words of hope.

    Adam, yeah, and to think it came down to a few hanging chads in Florida.

    Pat, I thought about "two in the bush" (especially because it sounds dirty) but couldn't figure out a good joke for it. Haha. Thanks.

    GB, well, it's been re-released, and he's just been released from the hospital. I wonder how much that ghostwriter profited.

    Ella, thanks much!

    Faraways, he had deadly bronchitis and Bush Jr. got excited that papa was living in Juraissic Park.

    Yeammie, there's something about his stupidity that made/makes him more likeable than his pops.

    Thanks, all.
    xoRobyn

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  11. Oh Robyn, I've missed you! I saw your pretty little face at Alex's earlier and thought to myself, "I've got to swing by RawkinRobyn's!" And then you showed up at my new place (what? you can't follow a WordPress blog? :o).

    This was hilarious. A pleasure to read. So very funny!

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  12. Funny Robyn! You didn't have to work too hard, since George Jr is a very easy target. There's just so much material to choose from. (Remember the shoe-throwing incident? That just cracks me up!)
    Fun post! :-)

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  13. You went all forms of bush, cleverly done.

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  14. This is hilarious. That bronchitis line is gold. I think you captured George Jr. perfectly, which makes me laugh, but also makes me sad for the 8 years of our lives we can never get back.

    Also, not sure if you saw, but I left you a book review under my pseudonym.

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  15. George Jr. definitely colors outside the lines. So can I be president and write a book?

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  16. I hope little W had a wonderful afternoon at Chucky Cheez. You are a wonderful writer Robyn! So pleased to have discovered you via that philosopher the Japing Ape
    I am a writer and fellow chocaholic and would love you to hop on over to my blog and pen a limerick to win a DELUXE CHOC egg
    Emma
    x

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  17. Laughed so hard I cried! Bravo, Robyn! You deserve a medal. Huh, I should probably admit I'm Canadian, but honestly, President Bush scared the beegeebees out of most of us.

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  18. Mike, great to see ya here, and I'm glad to make you laugh. Thanks.

    Lexa, yeah, the shoe-throwing incident was hysterical. I think I joined some facebook group in support of the shoe-thrower.

    Thanks, John. I beat that bush down, didn't I?

    BnB, you're awesome. Thanks so much.

    PTM, of course you can. You don't even need to read.

    Emma, great to meet you here. Thank you! I really want that choc egg, so I'll be working on it.

    Joylene, yeah, those Bush years were when I boasted most loudly about being 1/2 Canadian - the better half, eh?!

    xoRobyn

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  19. Well, I'M bushed.
    Mission accomplished!

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  20. Wonderfully funny! Love the adoption vs. pro-life part :P

    I think I owe you an email! (sheepishly kicks virtual dirt)

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  21. Well, I'd honestly rather have him again than Obama. The dinosaur crack was very humorous. :)

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  22. this is sooo funny! a pleasure to read.

    xx

    p.s. i'll link to you today. in (about)half an hour!

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  23. Hi Robyn, Very cute. And I love your default. Can't go wrong with Chocolate! God bless, Maria at Delight Directed Living

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  24. HA! That was funny Robyn! As my former employee from India used to say; "I'm killing two birds with this bush, boss!"

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  25. That is SOOOO funny.

    Poor Shrub, people think so poorly of him.

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  26. Where's the bomb? Ah damn too late, they're outa office. The damage those two caused...
    Well I guess we shouldnt criticize the intellectually disabled.
    (intellectually should never be used in the same sentence as Bush. Just did it - Damn!)

    A great post Robyn - very funny and well observed.

    ps seeing that yr fave Bieber collapsed on stage yesterday I s'pose we'll be seeing an update soon?!!

    Great work!

    xo

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  27. Al, I hope I didn't burn you out. Then you'd be the --drumroll please-- burning bush. I know, that was bad and not good at all.

    Lexie, thanks, and no worries about emailing. I know how life goes.

    Babysis, thanks for being honest and trusting enough to write that. Politics aside, you've gotta admit there's an intellectual disparity between father and son, right? I'm sticking with the adoption theory.

    Betty, thank you so much, sweet friend.

    Maria, thanks for dropping by. I love that you love my default.

    Thanks, Pat. That's cute.

    Bev, he doesn't seem to notice.

    Anthony, I haven't yet read up on the details. I've been too tired from the celebrations. But I may have to line up another interview with him.

    Be well, everyone.
    xoRobyn

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  28. PS How many blogs must I join to get one person to follow me back? PLEASE, someone, anyone, bring me to 580. I hate sitting on a # that ends in 9. Plus, it's only polite to return follows, right?

    Sorry, just had to spew a bit; since it's been over an hour since I had chocolate.

    Thank you. Have a great weekend. xo

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  29. Hi, Robyn,

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and for the congrats.

    Nice to meet you.

    This was hysterical. You have an AWESOME sense of humor Robyn....

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