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This is the most personal, serious, and difficult post I've ever written. Regular programming will resume after the break.Some of you may have noticed, when I forgot about the Chocolate Blogfest, that I haven't been myself. I wish the following story was fictional, but it's not.
Once upon a time in 2005, I met my Prince Charming - or so I believed. We married in 2007. Just a year later, he ended our marriage in a fit of mad rage and for no logical reason.
I moved out and on, pushed through a depression, and happily reclaimed my maiden name --thereby dropping an "F" word.
During that time, I also started Life by Chocolate. Never did I imagine I'd be continuing it years later, with hundreds of followers (much less more than 6, whose arms I twisted). You've been much more than a "virtual" community to me. Your support, caring, and laughter have kept me going.
In a weird and tragic way, my life has come full circle. The aforementioned man recently died. For many or most ex-spouses, this is a dream come true. For me, well, it was too. Until reality hit. Since I learned the news, and the tragic/shocking circumstances, I've been off-kilter, at best. I've reached a breaking point, at worst.
Please be patient, as I scale down on visiting and posting. I'll be away for about a week on a spiritual and literal journey. On the other hand, I need to be here. You're a very important part of my life. As long as I'm able to blog, I plan on it. More personal and serious anecdotes will surface in other venues (e.g., examiner.com), but I'll resume and maintain a mostly humorous Life by Chocolate. In fact, I'm enjoying a Dagoba bar, splattered with peanut butter, as I type.
Since I'll miss the Insecure Writer's Support Group for the first time, I'm going to spew some insecurities here: Should I have made myself so vulnerable with this post? Will I lose followers? Will I be able to tickle their funny bones again? Will I be able to get back to writing my book, which is based on my life story and is supposed to be humorous? Oy gevalt! Do they know what that means? Do I know what that means? No, I just like saying "Oy gevalt," but spellcheck doesn't accept it. Then again, spellcheck doesn't accept "spellcheck" either. Damn spellcheck! I'll end on that note.
~ Not The End, just a Breaking Point~
painted by me, age 15
Oh Robyn, take as much time as you need. Feeling deeply about such events is the price of having a good heart. May your journey bring you the healing you deserve.
ReplyDeletePut all those insecurities to rest – friends and followers remain, as does your ability/skill to tickle funny bones…
ReplyDeleteMay your journey be a healing one and bring you peace.
much love/many hugs
Well, of COURSE it affected you. It (he) was a part of your life. As much as I like to poke fun at Mrs. Penwasser #1 (aka "Bug Eyed Ugly Woman"), I, too will feel the same "ferklempftness" (NOTE: NOT a real word) when she passes. Unless, I go first. Then, c'est la vie (granted, "such is life" is not quite accurate). She was a significant part of my life (if for nothing else, she gave me something to do while the current Mrs. Penwasser came of age). It's the "Robyn Package" and is part of who you are (which is why I will show my childhood "fat" pictures-I can't deny who I am, either). Any case, while it seems cliche, take all the time you need. We'll leave the light on.
ReplyDeleteBut, since I am who I am, I can't let you go without....
I read where you're eating a "Dagoba" bar. Isn't that the planet where Luke Skywalker met Yoda? Goodness. I hope you don't have to learn the ways of the Force to enjoy that chocolate.
Oh, by the way....beautiful picture.
ReplyDeleteOh Robyn, I am so sorry. Take all the time you need...we'll be right here waitin' for you. By The way...Your picture and that painting are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Joanne
It can only be expected that you'd be a mix of emotions right now.
ReplyDeleteKind of funny though... First time in months I look through by blog roll, and I see a post by you and I happily click it to find you departing.
I hope you find some resolution in the coming weeks.
aw this is the guy you posted about on FB Robyn - so sorry. Usually if I post heavy stuff my blog followers are great and supportive - not that I have as many as you, have a great blog break xo
ReplyDeleteI would be surprised if it didn't affect you. If you lost blogging friends because of this, well, they weren't worth having in the first place. You and I go back a long ways (relative to blogging) and I'll tell you, what I know you'd tell me. Just go and do what you need to do. Take care of yourself and we'll be here...
ReplyDeleteLove you!
I totally agree with Pat! Take the time you need, I'll be here. AND, if you need to talk, you know how to reach me. Don't you dare hesitate. I'm a great listener.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you have to take a break for yourself.
ReplyDeleteBlogging is adjustable, so be flexible with it. Heal yourself first.
Yeah if any bloggers go because of a serious flow, good riddance. It has to affect you as he was part of your life for a while. Take all the time you need, that is the best thing to do.
ReplyDeleteYou were one of the first bloggers I chose to follow when I started my own blog so I'll be unhappy if you don't come back. But certainly you should take all the time you need to get back on a good path for yourself. I wish you nothing but the best.
ReplyDeletePraying for peace and healing! The heart is a tricky critter some times! Hugs, Robyn! You will be missed!
ReplyDeleteRobyn, I am forever a friend of yours, distance and the fact that we may never meet make no difference. I can't pretend to know what you are feeling but I can understand parts of what you have said and I can say I get it. Take your time. Take care of you, eat buckets of smooth creamy chocolate (and maybe take a jog or two) and I will be here when you get back. In the meantime - you know where to find me if you want...
ReplyDeleteBest wishes from a regular reader (but rare commenter). I had some emotional stuff come to a head around the same time, 2007 to 2008, and in some ways it still messes with my head. I hope you find whatever peace suits you.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteOf COURSE you should have shared this with us - - - we CARE.
NO you won't lose us, just the opposite, this makes you even more real to us.
I've been through some LONG dark tunnels in my life, different than this you're in, but tunnels none the less.
There is no easy way through them - - - just a long time of putting one foot in front of the other and heading for the light at the end of the tunnel even when that light is only a distant speck.
Your emotions will be wonky and untrustworthy during this time.
But slowly, ever so slowly, you WILL regain your balance. And, by turning to the Lord during this, you will get better instead of bitter.
I know that just sounds like a platitude, and maybe it is in a way - - - but it is truth nontheless.
Love you.
I'm tearfully feeling your love and support. Thank you, everyone.
ReplyDeleteAgain, you mean so much to me.
I'll be back.
with love and gratitude,
xoRobyn
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteDove, thank God you found me. I didn't know how to find you. Yes, I'll call asap. We'll meet this weekend.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
xoRobyn
i'm so sorry...yes, sweet friend, take the time you need, i'll be here.
ReplyDeletei'm always here for you, robyn, just wanted you to know that.
take good care of yourself. i hope you find peace soon, they say: time is a healer.
bear hugs
love ya!
XO
If anybody unfollowed you because you're going through this then they're not worthy of being on here Robyn so don't worry about them. I'm so sorry to hear that this is happened, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now but I hope that you'll find the strength to feel good about yourself again sooner rather than later, take as long as you need off, we're all thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteRobyn, something similar happened to my niece. It's been a time of heavily conflicted emotions for her and after a couple of years, she hasn't completely come to terms with it all. Thankyou for sharing, that fact in itself can be part of the healing process. Share all you need!
ReplyDeleteSending springtime thoughts (and flowers on my most recent post) from Downunder.
Sue
That's a beautiful post Robyn. So brave of you. So sorry that youre going through this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteTake as long as you know. This can wait. Those loyal will still be here, no matter how long..
Hang in there.
xoxo
I'm so sorry Robyn. Regardless of how things ended you are too good of a person not to be going through a range of emotions now. I'm glad that you're taking time out to deal with all of this so you can start the healing process. Your wedding photo is lovely, and your painting is fabulous. Robyn, you are a woman of many talents, and you have the ability to make us laugh, cry, or just want to reach out and hug you. Take care of yourself, and I'm around if you feel like talking. Julie
ReplyDeleteHuge hugs, my friend. My own life is off kilter now and as you have been there for me, so I will always be here for you. Be well, I wish you peace and please take care of yourself. Here's my email if you want to reach out. melbwrites@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteRobyn you have no worries here...we will always be with you and supportive (like static cling :)) I know you will get the ship righted and life will continue on bigger and better. We are reach points like this that test our resolve. Take the trip you need. That picture is stunning and enjoy your chocolate bar! Take care...
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Chuck
I'm so sorry, Robyn. Take time for you, to grieve, to heal, to cry...
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what you are feeling or going through, just know that you are not alone. *HUGS*
OH, Robyn! I am SO sorry! Love you, honey. We aren't going ANYWHERE. We'll be here!
ReplyDeleteWe are all here for you, well not actually "here", more like virtually here for you. Unfortunately you are on the other side of the USA. I will send a few choco cakes and a pie or two to get you through this. Don't be alarmed if some of the cakes are half eaten.
ReplyDeleteWe will miss you Wed, but you know how to find us when you are ready. Love & Prayers
ReplyDeleteHello Robyn. I so enjoyed meeting you in San Francisco. You are an adorable "Angel". Ricky didn't know what he was doing. I would love to stay in touch. I know your hurting like I am. So much to understand with all of this. Please share with me, after all, you are my sister in law. The Dove and the Robyn. We are both for the birds. Please take care of yourself. Talk soon.
ReplyDeleteDove
Perfect, Robyn. (-Becca)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Betty, for the love from across the globe.
ReplyDeleteMatthew, I appreciate your friendship and support.
Sue, thanks for sharing. It's helpful to know others have gone through something similar. Of course, I know this intellectually, but events like this feel very isolating.
Anthony, thanks, dear friend.
Julie, your words are so sweet and uplifting. Thank you.
Melissa, I will email you. Thank you.
Chuck, xo.
Yvonne, thank you.
Dawn, thanks. Yes, don't go away. And thanks so much for the book. I passed it on to a deserving mommy.
PTM, FedEx or snail mail? I'm still waiting.
Dove, thank you. It was great to finally meet - wish it were under different circumstances.
Thanks, Becca!
PS I'm going backwards..will do personal notes to the first half now..xo
GB, that's very touching (and true). Thank you. You've been one of my most loyal.
ReplyDeleteBeth, I really appreciate your support and friendship.
AlP, fortunately, I didn't have to learn the ways of the Force. I'm never forced to enjoy chocolate. And thank you.
Thanks, Joanne.
TS, it is a nice coincidence that a lot of a my ole time blog friends have been popping back into the picture - even before I posted this. I think we're connected more than we realize. Thank you.
David, it's an amazingly supportive community. I'm ever grateful.
Pat, thanks for saying what I'd say. Love back to you.
MsA, I will keep that in mind and appreciate you.
DG, thanks so much.
Pat, thanks. You're right. You always are. (~;
Stephen, I appreciate our connection too. I plan to return, sooner rather than later.
Beth, thank you for the prayers and hugs.
Terra, thanks for your sweetness and for reminding me to jog. I did that yesterday, and it helped. I don't need reminders for the chocolate part, but do need nudging to exercise.
Kelly, your support, and the fact that you're a regular reader, mean a lot. Thank you.
Keetha, your words are soothing. Thank you.
xoRobyn
LOVE YOU, MEAN IT!!!
ReplyDeleteYou know I'm here if'n you want to e-mail, or anything! You helped me through a rough time too by keeping me laughing and smiling. I too had to take a recent break. It was so worth it, and now; so worth it to be back. (I just wanted to use a Colon and have no idea if it is correct). Parenthetically speaking- ar ar & besides, I always wanted a Colon cleanse!
Heal, and Return....we will be here.
John
Take all the time you need Robin, we will most definitely be here. I hope your break is exactly what you need. Love you!!
ReplyDeleteOh Robyn.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how ugly something is, it is still part of your life.
I'm sorry.
I hope your healing process begins gently. Sometimes the process of going over all the memories can be overwhelming.
Sending a hug and a prayer your way.