Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Celibacy, Reasons #192-200
Hi there! Lifted directly from popular on-line dating sites, and embellished by my italicized snark, I now bring us through 200 viable reasons why [not just me but] any straight, single woman would choose celibacy. Hint: It’s a scary dating scene. Please enjoy...
REASON #192: Looking for a sweat honest lady
Sweetie, even an honest lady will lie and tell you she doesn’t sweat. She perspires.
REASON #193: TIRED BEING TREATED LIKE YOUR A OPITION?
I don’t think so, though I can’t be too sure.
REASON #194: Sun,sand,water,rocks,trees,mountions
Well, five out of six ain’t bad.
REASON #195: well well what do we have here I am a somewhat educated man, I like inteligent people . well well I suggest you complete your education. It’s missing something.
REASON #196: You know, it's easier to sell furniture than it is to sell myself. If I were a chair, I'd be like, "Look at this solid freakin chair right here. Yes sir. Now that's a heckuva chair. Last you for centuries, just look at the workmanship, that's fine... eh... oak? I think. Probably. But whatever, just look at it..." and B.S. my way through.
Given the option, I always prefer to take a seat. Except in this case.
REASON #197: Floss with barbed wire or online dating?
Is this an ultimatum, an earnest dilemma you find yourself facing, or a heartfelt offering?
REASON #198: I can text while at work. So let's chat!
Well, I suppose that’s all most relationships amount to nowadays. LOL. BRB. No thanx.
In response to what he’d like to do on a first date, REASON #199 wrote:
TAKE A NAP SO IF I CAN SEE IF YOU SNORE
NOTE*****I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO WOMEN THAT HAVE BREAST IMPLANTS******
You don’t like snorers with fake breasts? That leaves the field wide open for you, unless you’re looking to date a Kardashian.
REASON #200: I say groovy and fabulous more often than normal people do and I'm a firecracker with my lips and tongue. Firecracker.
Sweetie, it’s neither groovy nor fabulous to equate one’s kissing tactics with explosives. PS Normal people do not ever say groovy or fabulous. Not ever.