Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Celibacy, Reasons #192-200


Hi there! Lifted directly from popular on-line dating sites, and embellished by my italicized snark, I now bring us through 200 viable reasons why [not just me but] any straight, single woman would choose celibacy. Hint: It’s a scary dating scene.   Please enjoy...
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REASON #192: Looking for a sweat honest lady 
Sweetie, even an honest lady will lie and tell you she doesn’t sweat. She perspires.

REASON #193: TIRED BEING TREATED LIKE YOUR A OPITION?
I don’t think so, though I can’t be too sure.

REASON #194: Sun,sand,water,rocks,trees,mountions    
Well, five out of six ain’t bad.

REASON #195: well well what do we have here I am a somewhat educated man, I like inteligent people . well well I suggest you complete your education. It’s missing something.

REASON #196: You know, it's easier to sell furniture than it is to sell myself. If I were a chair, I'd be like, "Look at this solid freakin chair right here. Yes sir. Now that's a heckuva chair. Last you for centuries, just look at the workmanship, that's fine... eh... oak? I think. Probably. But whatever, just look at it..." and B.S. my way through.
Given the option, I always prefer to take a seat. Except in this case.

REASON #197: Floss with barbed wire or online dating?
Is this an ultimatum, an earnest dilemma you find yourself facing, or a heartfelt offering?

REASON #198: I can text while at work. So let's chat!
Well, I suppose that’s all most relationships amount to nowadays. LOL. BRB. No thanx.

In response to what he’d like to do on a first date, REASON #199 wrote:
TAKE A NAP SO IF I CAN SEE IF YOU SNORE
NOTE*****I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO WOMEN THAT HAVE BREAST IMPLANTS******
You don’t like snorers with fake breasts? That leaves the field wide open for you, unless you’re looking to date a Kardashian.

REASON #200: I say groovy and fabulous more often than normal people do and I'm a firecracker with my lips and tongue. Firecracker.
Sweetie, it’s neither groovy nor fabulous to equate one’s kissing tactics with explosives. PS Normal people do not ever say groovy or fabulous. Not ever.

34 comments:

  1. That's awesome he can text at the Wendy's Drive Thru!

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  2. I'd make a comment about #196, oak, and wood, but I probably shouldn't!
    Groovy isn't cool? Not even when Bruce Campbell says it in Evil Dead II? Bummer.

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  3. Oh poop, I'm not normal, I knew it! I don't say "Groovy" but, I do say, "Cool". Who knew "Fabulous" would be my downfall!

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  4. I hate to correct you but ladies don't sweat and they don't perspire-- they glow!

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  5. Let's hope they don't pick you up in a tractor that's so popular in your neighborhood should you ever go out with the ones from this site!

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  6. Al, good point. A real multi-tasker that Wendy's worker is. Hold me back!

    Alex, I just looked up Bruce Campbell (I know, I know, I'm truly movie-challenged). I'll let his "groovy" slide, given he has nice dimples. And I thought about a wood innuendo but didn't go there.

    MsA, if "fabulous" is your only downfall, you are one cool lady.

    Stephen, your wife taught you well.

    Sarah, let's hope not. Not even a tractor would help with their sex appeal.

    xoRobyn

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  7. PS Sarah, that didn't make sense. But I don't think any of this does, so I'm hoping it's ok. I was thinking of the song "She thinks my tractor's sexy." But even with the aid of a tractor, these men are still blatantly unappealing.

    Keep a smile, all,
    xoRobyn

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  8. LMAO Groovy worked for Shaggy and Scooby Doo, but they were too busy eating Scooby snacks to get a date.

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  9. I've heard gorgeous is the new fabulous. But maybe it was groovy. I'm just glad I'm not dating.

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  10. Keep the faith...you'll find a man that can spell, form a sentence, and have the right kind of wood!!

    These are hilarious Robyn...as always.

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  11. You're a riot! Thanks for the laughs. (That last guy sounded a hundred years old, didn't he?)

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  12. I am so glad I am not dating. The bad grammar alone would ensure I'd be alone for the rest of my days.

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  13. #200 is Austin Powers; #196 is a guy who wants someone to sit on him. I think they'd be great together in a buddy movie.

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  14. That floss one is so weird to me, like it doesn't make any sense at all, what a strange person. Some of these guys are real shmucks, great post as always Robyn, love this series.

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  15. This is nice blogs.I am searching this type of contents since long time.Today's i found it breast augmentation Sydneythanks for sharing....

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  16. that was one of your grooviest posts. The part about the snoring breast implants was so fabulous. Love it!! Ka-boom!!

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  17. Hey there funny lady!! Thank you so much for coming by and leaving me a little sugar!
    A big hug and smooch to ya!
    You're such a great bloggie friend!!!!
    luv ya
    ps, sorry men are such jackasses!

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  18. Oh my goodness, those are hysterical. I wonder if anyone really wants to take a nap on a first date?

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  19. There's nothing wrong with a nice nap on a first date. That way, you could go through his wallet while he's sleeping! Julie

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  20. Funny Robyn! Most guys would never even utter the word "perspire!" It's just not done!

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  21. Pat, good point. I loved that show as a kid. Their vocabulary really annoys me when I've seen it as an adult (while babysitting).

    Tonja, yes, be glad. I'm glad for you. Thanks for the visit.

    Thank you, Chuck. I appreciate the support.

    Lexa, he did, either that or a Brady. Thanks so much. Glad to make you laugh.

    MJ, your comment makes me smile. Yes, it's tough to tolerate more than innocent typos. Even the "somewhat educated" are less than somewhat "inteligent."

    GB, that's a good idea. I bet that kind of movie would do very well, though I'd stay far away from the theaters.

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  22. YW, I'm laughing. I agree, "schmucks" accurately describes some of them. Thank you.

    Daniel, you have low standards for blog content, I take it. Lucky for me. Thanks for visiting and enjoying this post.

    PTM, rock on, totally awesome dude. Peace be with you. And did you get the chocolate cake?

    Johanna, yeah, I find the suggestion (taking a nap on a first date) bizarrely offensive. And, though I don't have breast implants, I don't fault women - except the Kardashians - who do.

    Gigi, thanks. It's not your fault. I'm glad you have a good one, love.

    EmptyNest, why didn't I think of that? I like the way your mind works. I'm going to go respond to him, and I'll split the proceeds.

    Pat, I didn't know. I guess I have no qualms mentioning that -on very rare occasion - I sweat. I mean, perspire. I mean, I glow.

    Thanks for all your fun comments,
    xoRobyn

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  23. Pretty damn funny! Made me laugh out loud!

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  24. sweat, honest lady - lovely... too funny

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  25. Gagh! Firecracker with the tongue! Please someone, say something to get that image out of my head!!!

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  26. Firecracker with a fabulous tongue... That image certainly does give one pause, doesn't it? LMAO I so needed the laugh. Thank you! Your snark is in top form as always.

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  27. Yvonne, on behalf of these buffoons, thank you.

    NotSoSimply, I'm glad to bring on the laughter, with some help. Thank goodness these men are good for something.

    David, yes, I've now learned that a sweat honest lady glows.

    Rosalind, it's a really disturbing one. Sorry.

    Melissa, and who would comment on their own kissing skills? What a weirdo! Thanks, much. Keep smiling.

    xoRobyn

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  28. Oh I hate being treated like an opition. That is the worst!! I'm sorry, Robyn...

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  29. A firecracker with my lips? haha That's tragic.
    As is all of them, though the texter sounds pretty normal...
    Take a nap? Ahh no freakin way buddy...

    The world is a scary place, and everytime I read these, I get more scared!

    Congratulations on the 200!

    xo

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