On Why I Choose Celibacy, #30-35, aka MEET THE FODDERS!

Dear friends, you know that I do this internet dating thing strictly for your enjoyment. Right? Let’s face it, it really is all about the fodder. I strive to give good fodder, time and again, and I sincerely hope this fodder is good for you. That said, it's time to meet some more of the fodders:
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REASON #30: I like the women with big brains I'm not hideous, malformed or unpleasant.
No? How about peculiar, bizarre, and freakin' weird?

REASON #31: Ex-Neanderthal iso Neanderthalless Woman Just wondering... are you healthy, physically fit..person of integrity and limited hypocrisy, mostly politically conscience, socially aware and culturally curious? Grown enough to distinguish between male behavior and that of a MAN? Say what? Was that written via Neanderthal behavior or that of a NEANDERTHAL? Mature enough to understand the importance of self love? Do you dance as if no one's looking? Live in a box? Huh? This is what you’re looking for? As a man of conscious, confidence and competence, I love, respect and cherish a strong, mature, intelligent, independent and SECURE (self loving) woman..I appreciate her, therefore she need not worry about the toilet seat being in the up position at the wrong time (of course my appreciation means much more than that). So, do you or do you not leave the toilet seat up? Also, I am man enough to understand that sex does not equal love. Not if you leave the toilet seat up like a neanderthal.

REASON #32: Looking for down to earth girl next door Dude, did you think to knock? If that doesn’t work, try the doorbell.

REASON #33: Goals dont have any Somehow, I’m not motivated to pursue you.

REASON #34: What to say? I do dishes, Landry Please don’t be talking about our Sarah. She’s way too nice and intelligent for you, and not bad on the barbecue, I came out to help my sister movie into her new home was offered a job and stayed, SO here to give California a try I was told it was allot warmer here? ..thought Id stay one or tow years pay off my home then decide sell and movie here or movie back home, (still in the air) Well, Californians are big on movies, but we don’t tend to watch them in the air – except on a plane. In this case, it costs extra, not shore We’re big on the shore too, being on the West Coast and all. how it will sound but it will depend in part if I meet some one out here! just got back into working out need to drop about 20lb Don't drop it on your foot. That could hurt. like to meet some one to see the sights with have a good dinner with, to go any further than that it all depends on the cemeteries we have, Really? ‘Cuz mutual cemeteries can kill a relationship. I think if the cemeteries is good the rest can fail. I suppose that's true on Halloween, but now you have to wait another year. Sorry, so close.

REASON #35: Let's get retarted I think you’re there, babe. I suggest you stay there. Alone.
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Whew! That was painful. I'm afraid I can't even field questions anymore, not even if the cemeteries good. You know? xo

Confessions of a Chocoholic Fanilow

Part 2 of The Lying Game

Dear Friends,

With great apprehension and shame, I heretofore make the following confessions:

1) The Jack Black scenario is true! He was a sweet, quirky, little Jewish kid. We grew up in the same small, middle class district of Los Angeles called Westchester. If you've been to the LA Airport, you've been there. I'm ashamed that I made fun of him behind his back. Sorry again, Jack. If it helps any, my nephew loves you on the Wubbzy show.

2) The date stories are true. He picked up salsa from the table with his fingers and ate it. He ran for a cab in Harvard Square, where there were only 128 to choose from. He was kinda cute, though, so I was a bit disappointed in his etiquette (lack thereof) and priorities (lack thereof).

3) The shame. The shame. Can we just move on? Yeah, go about your business. Visit other blogs. This post is way too long, anyway..Hey, you're still here. Insert deep, heavy sigh. Okay, okay: I.threw.out.chocolate. Please don't dessert (pun intended) me. Actually, I wouldn't blame you if you did. (Sorry, Kal and Marlene, and the universe. I know. I know. The shame is without end. I tell you.)

4) Yes, I dressed like a hippie/pothead for a Halloween work party. Can you believe nobody accepted a brownie from me? As Alex pointed out, a gay man in a dress is not necessarily out-of-character. That's why I'm still embittered that I lost the title. Truth is, I have not ever smoked anything. I did get close to a marijuana plant, as Copyboy pointed out, only for the sake of a good Jamaican photo opportunity.

5) ***TS and Kelley***YOU ARE THE WINNERS! YOU BOTH GUESSED THAT THIS ONE IS NOT TRUE. I did NOT pose as Justin Bieber for Halloween. Phew! Um, well, I did revert to my 'ole Thomas the Train costume! It's true, Kelley. It's a large kids' costume that I've worn proudly these past two Halloweens. Hey, I get good chocolate in that thing. Plus, I like non-sinister kiddie stuff. Please forgive me. Please?

6) And now, join me in a rousing round of Barry Manilow's Copacabana, my favorite karaoke tune. I did warn you that my singing sucks, so just sing louder than me. We'll all be fine. YouTube - Copacabana Sing-Along

Finally, I'm passing this game over to our very own Baygirl, TS (Sorry to seemingly punish a winner, TS. You're just so darn creative), and proud Fanilow, MidWesternMamaHolly. Have fun with it, should you accept the challenge.

I'll just sit and stare at the screen now, anxiously awaiting your exclamations of shock and horror. Otherwise, just go about your business. Play it cool, and act like you don't know me. xo

The Lying Game

Kelley picked me to carry forward the game: “Five Big, Fat Lies and One Truth.” If you don’t already follow Kelley’s break room, by the way, you are missing out on lots of good, clean fun. She's a sweet lady, too.

Excuse me for this, Kelley, but I took the liberty of some rule tweaking. See, I’m a lousy liar. That’s the truth. Thus, I hereby present you all with five big, fat truths and..one little tiny, harmless lie. Guess which one of these six little snippets is false. That is, five are true in their entirety. One's a major lie. Which might that be? Insert sinister post-Halloween laughter here.

#1: My brother, Jonathan, was in Jack Black’s Temple preschool class. That’s Jack's birth name, not a stage name. He was a strange, sweet kid. Jack hid pieces of candy on the playground for other children to find. One day, his mom hadn’t picked him up, so my mom gave Jack a ride home in our station wagon. He was quiet. I remember him quietly thanking my mother when we got to his home. (Drats. Why’d we let him out?) I made fun of him behind his back, though, telling my brothers, “Jack Black can eat no fat.” (Not too creative on my part, but he was a skinny kid, so it was likely relevant at the time. Sorry, Jack. Clearly, I was just jealous of your impending fame.)

#2: Many years ago, I had two dates with the son of a well known theorist in the social sciences. We sat at a Mexican restaurant, munching chips and salsa, awaiting the meal. While talking, he knocked salsa onto the table, picked it up with his fingers, put it into his mouth, and kept on blathering. The second date was at a pizza parlor in Harvard Square. We shared pizza, and he abruptly said he had to run to catch a cab. Note that there is never a shortage of cabs in Harvard Square. Never heard from him again. It’s probably best, as those family reunions would have provided a frightening amount of fodder. My diagnosis of the guy: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Impulsive Type.

#3: I host an annual Choco-fest. This involves a choc-quiz, taste tests, and chocolate of all sorts until one has nearly achieved choco-coma status. After this year’s festivities, I broke the law (my law) and threw out chocolate. I know. I know. Don’t look at me that way. But I’d already unloaded on the neighbors and the homeless at People’s Park in Berkeley. Still, I had too much left over. You really should’ve dropped by.

#4: One year, I dressed as a hippie/pothead for our agency’s Halloween party. I walked around offering brownies, with a big (fake) marijuana leaf necklace draped over my tie dyed shirt. I wrapped a bandanna around my forehead, painted a big green leaf on my face, et cetera. I’m still embittered that I lost the title of “most out-of-character.” My gay friend Mark, who wore a dress, won. It’s wrong, but I was in a peace loving state and didn't protest (loudly).

#5: For this year's Halloween festivities, I was going to dress as Thomas the Train, since I still have the costume from last year. For some strange reason, though, I changed my mind at the last minute and decided to dress as Justin Bieber. I figured, I already have the hair and was having a good hair day; I just took it up an inch or so and pinned it with Bobbie pins. I wore tight pink jeans, a t-shirt displaying “#1,” and big sunglasses decorated with “Gaga.” (He’s got glasses like that.). I put on lots of bright pink lip gloss and was good to go. When I had an arm free, I held my index and middle fingers up in a sideways V. Still, people were confused. I had to start singing, and that’s when they figured me out. {My singing sucks.}

#6: I am not nearly as cool as Kelley, who knows the hippest of music. I’m embarrassed to admit this one. But my life is an open blog, so here goes: I know almost every word to every Barry Manilow song ever written. (There don’t seem to be too many, and he hasn’t changed it up in decades.) My favorite karaoke piece is Copacabana. I’ve belted this one out at parties and on a cruise ship. I cleared the room every time. I think I was the only one applauding for me. See #5. {My singing sucks.}

I know these are all believable, but one is a lie. I swear, though not usually. Name the lie. ~Insert Sesame Street's song, One of These Things Is Not Like The Others, here ~ Thanks for playing.