Dear Sillies,
Among my most embarrassing of guilty pleasures, I indulge in Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I know. I can't believe it either, nor can I devise an acceptable excuse.
But don't worry too much about me. I don't have a TV or means to truly Keep Up, except when I'm at the gym. So I do burn calories while getting sucked into their botox'd scandalous infidelity, relentlessly tireless procreation, billionaire divatude drama.
The show's winding down next year. Phew. But whether we like it or not, we won't hear the end of the K dynasty.
They've birthed 10 kids during the show, and they've undergone *383 botox treatments. [*I made this number up. It's likely way off. Khloe alone appears to have 259 treatments on each lip. Am I right? In one show, she said "Lips aren't permanent. You do you."]
Anyway, they're not the most brilliant family, but they do entertain. Here are some Kardashian quotes, plus Engel retorts:
“I’m going to sew up my vagina.”
-Kris Jenner
Too late, sweetie. Far too late.
“The bigger the hoop, the bigger the hoe.”
-Khloe
Oh, Khloe, you used to be my fave. But then
you snagged another basketball star, this one in a committed relationship with a
woman 8-months pregnant and apparently, a huge hoop.
“You’re acting like drunk slob-kabobs.”
Kourtney
I
know, right, Kourt? You just became my fave.
“The more people that love you, the more
people that are going to hate you.” — Kylie
I think
you missed the boat on “new math,” darlin’.
“You know what they say, dress your best
when you go to bed because you don’t know who you’ll see in your dreams.” -Kendall
Jenner
Who says that, honey? I sleep naked, and Idris best be naked too.
“I never thought I’d be in a family that
has more people than a small country.” Scott Disick
I
never thought I’d watch a small country reproduce itself to the size of Australia
for ten seasons.
“I liberate minds with my music. That’s
more important than liberating a few people from apartheid or whatever.”
Kanye
Whatever!
Love you, my friends.
