Heroism, Rope Burns, Anniversary Repost

Dear Sillies,
   I'm cheating. I've been getting over a bug and have nothing new for you. Instead, I decided to see what I posted exactly one year ago. I'm pleased that my eyes met this sweet, inspiring post. It feels like a dose of what I and maybe you and the world needs now.
   I highlighted the bits that bring the post to date.
   Be good to yourselves.
   You're loved.

   Eighty four days since the Camp Fire [now 449 days], strength, unity, and resilience continue to pervade. It's a beautiful thing! At the heart of it all: children--our most unsung heroes. 
    I visit(ed) a local elementary school weekly, for work. That one school seamlessly integrated a former Paradise elementary school. And I mean, seamlessly. 2 schools in 1! With almost no time to prepare for the expansion, the kids and staff readily posted murals and artistic creations to warmly welcome their new peers.

    While playing tetherball, a girl approached to say "I'm in first grade." I believe her point was that she's in first grade and nearly my height, but she was too polite to go there. Note: She is now in second grade an undoubtedly taller than me.
   Other kids who noticed my lack of tetherball savvy suggested that I hit the ball harder. (I tried. I really did. I still lost, 15 games to 0 games.) 
   By the way, did you know that a "cheap shot" amounts to one's opponent hitting the other's body with the ball, the result of which is that the person hit by the ball is out!? Perhaps dodge-ball is a less vicious option.

   Excuse me, while I leave to ice on my rope burns.They're gone now!
   Be well, my friends.

"There are heroes all around us doing ordinary things in extraordinary ways."

The Camp Fire, One Year Later and Joey

My Dears,
   I now bring you the finale to my story, Good Lies. It started here, with part 2 here. Onto part 3. I've altered it slightly and left out episodes before I met Joseph. If anyone would like the full 5-page story, feel free to message me here or at Rawknrobyn@aol.com. I'll be happy to forward. 

   Please be good to yourselves, and stay safe. 
   In case of emergency: Keep faith and a stash of chocolate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   I studied my laptop screen, finding and recording numbers for the few local emergency rooms. My tears moved faster than the rest of me. Damnit, Joseph. I was supposed to save you. I can’t do that if you went and dropped dead on me. 

 

   Four nervous hours passed before my phone rang.
   Phew. His number. “Joseph?”
   “Yeah, it’s me, Robyn. It wasn’t a heart attack. They said it was just anxiety.”
   “Oh thank goodness, Joseph.”
   “Yeah. Hey, you can call me Joey, by the way.”
   “I was so worried about you, Joey.”
   “Yeah I’m sorry.”
   “No, don’t be sorry. I’m just so glad you’re okay. Where are you now?”
   We proceeded to make plans for the next day.
   
   I don’t remember our discourse as much as I do the sense of full-fledged genuine humanness. There were no layers of complication, no unspoken agendas, no shyness or bravado, no artificial pretenses or power-plays – just two human beings, being human together.
   Practically speaking, I didn’t help much at all. In fact, Joey spoke competently to FEMA and DMV representatives. He could’ve gotten there on his own or with someone else. He’d still have to wait weeks for a new license plus word from FEMA.
   “Someday, I’ve gotta write my story,” he shared en route back.
   “That’s great. Writing’s my thing, Joey. I’ll help you with that.”
   “Heck yeah. You can publish it for me.”
   “I will.” I nodded. “I’m gonna publish your story.” (Note: If you’re reading this, I told the truth. If you’re not reading this, we’re both liars.)
   “Perfect,” he grinned.
   Back at the Fairgrounds, we stepped out of the car.
   “Come over here so I can give you a hug,” he told me.
   Joey and I exchanged a warm, grateful hug. “You keep fighting Robyn. I’ll never forget you.”
   “Much better days are ahead, Joey. You’re very strong and brave. I’ll be cheering for you all the way.”
   He nodded. “We’ll stay in touch.”
   At that, Joey imparted a military style salute.

--

  One year since the Camp Fire, sadness and trauma feel as fresh and surreal as ever.
   I didn’t save lives.
   I’ve luxuriated in safety and security. My path’s been cushioned in ways that I’ve routinely taken for granted.
   Still, I did hold the world within view for one man who couldn’t see a thing. How I did that, I don’t know. I was simply a good enough person, who told some good enough lies.

Camp Fire, My Friend Joseph

Dear Ones,
   I've a lot of catching up to do with you and me. This past Wednesday, I returned from a visit to Los Angeles (my hometown). I saw evidence of fires, yet it appeared as though they were under control when I drove through.
   I'm touched by your care. Chris and Sage reached out, along with others. I've been safe. I don't think the Southern California fires hit highly populated areas, and Chico is not at great risk of fires. A Noah's Ark-like event is more likely. But I'm a good swimmer, and it rarely rains. So please don't worry about me.
   Friday marks one year since the Camp Fire incinerated Paradise. There's a somber, caring, and tentative feeling in the air. We're a very close community. Various commemoration events have been planned.
   On a related note, here's part 2 of my Camp Fire story that started here.
   Please be well, safe, and know that you are loved.
                 ----------------Good Lies, part 2
   Two months had passed when he reconnected. His call surprised me.
   "I’m at the Fairgrounds now," Joseph told me. "They keep stealing my stuff. I can’t even take a piss without my things getting stolen. I lost more in all the moves than I did in the Fire. I can’t sleep, it’s like—" his voice cracked. "The post traumatic stress, it’s real. We have a curfew, we're cooped up like prisoners. I can’t, I think, I hate to say it, but I think my uncle’s been stealing my checks. I was gonna leave here. I dunno what to—I don’t, I don’t know Robyn. I dunno if I can make it."
   I heard his tears.
   "Listen, honey. Listen, okay?"
   "Okay."
   "You’re not alone. I’m here. You’re going to be okay, I promise." That’s another lie. I couldn’t actually promise. "How can I help?"
   "Could you take me to the drop-in center? I need to get it all started again."
   "Sure. I’ll meet you at the Fairgrounds tomorrow, but I can’t get there until two o’clock. Okay?"
   "Two?"
   "Yes. That’s as soon as I can. I have some appointments before then. Will you be there then?”
   “I’ll be here. I just . . .” his insides spilled out of him like the yolk of a freshly cracked egg, “Please, Robyn. Please,” he begged. “Be a good person! Don’t let me down.”
   “I won’t, Joseph. I am.” I hope. Sh*t. “I promise.” Yikes.

    I couldn’t get there fast enough. The Chabad (Jewish Student Center) had given me a warm jacket and the last of the cash they had for Camp Fire victims. “I’m sorry that we don’t have more.” She handed me an envelope with $300. “We’ve just given away our fifth car. We plan to give a lot more.”

   At the Fairgrounds’ main entrance, I'm told “Joseph Metz isn’t here now. They took him by ambulance a couple hours ago. They said it he might’ve had a heart attack.”
   “Oh my God. Do you know where he is?”
   “I don’t know. That’s all I know.”

-------------------PS This is all true. It'll end soon, in the next post. If I left you in suspense, imagine my fright at that moment. Yikes!

The Camp Fire, Nearly One Year Later

Dear Sillies,
   May this find you in good spirits, and looking forward to a fun, yummy Halloween.
   For now, a little detour to share segments of my short story on my experiences jumping in as a volunteer in the Camp Fire's aftermath. A true story. [I've submitted this piece, Good Lies, for publication. Fingers crossed.]
   We're approaching one year since the devastation of 11/8/18. Phenomenal recovery continues. So too does intense sadness and loss, hardship and pain, sickness and death--seemingly unending residue of that monstrous force.

   This scene takes us to the Walmart parking lot, wherein hundreds of volunteers and Camp Fire victims/survivors convened. I'd heard about activity there. With no plan or faith that I could help, I pushed myself to do so. 
   Below, with me, you'll meet Joseph.

                                                internet stock photo
Good Lies --part I.

   "Are you doing okay?" Dumb question.
   The man stood. His face reddened, as he took two even steps towards me then stopped. "Am I doing okay? Am I okay? What the hell do you think lady? What are you like some do-gooder who’s about to tell me I have to leave, right?"
   "Well, I don’t want you out here when it starts to rain."
   "You’re f*cking kidding me! I’m not budging." I see that. "Do you have any idea? Any idea what I’ve been through? I stayed. I stayed for 18 f*ckin hours. I stayed to protect my home in Concow. Not just for me, for my neighbors, for my friends. I stayed and kept hosing it down, the lawns, the roofs, the trucks, everything. Only me and my buddy Dan stayed. What do I get for that? It’s all f*ckin burned! The whole town." He turned his head to his side and spit out a wad of saliva. "My only home. My mama’s home. Now you’re telling me to leave. These people are feeding us and being nice to us. It’s like family here. But I can’t even get FEMA help because I lost my ID in the Fire. And you’re telling me to leave. F*ck that!"
   "You can’t get FEMA help?"
   "No, no ID. You have to have an ID."
   That didn’t seem right. "Can I make a phone call for you?"
   His demeanor lightened. "Yeah."
   "Okay," I extended my hand. "I’m Robyn."
   "I’m Joseph. Hey, I’m sorry. I’m just," he huffed, "It’s been one hell of a year." His eyes welled.
   "I’m sure it has."
   I plopped down on the ground, pulled out my resource list, and called FEMA. Someone answered. She was helpful too. I wrote step-by-step instructions for Joseph, and I gave him my number.
   He said he’d be fine taking it from there.
                           He wouldn't be. Stay tuned. 

Heroism in Small Packages and Tether Ball Failure

Dear Sillies,
   84 days since the Camp Fire, signs of warmheartedness still abound. This is not to say that we're fine. Scores of hearts and lives are broken beyond repair. The fallout is without end.
   Yet strength, unity, and resilience continue to pervade. It's a beautiful thing! The most unsung of heroes are our youngsters. 
    I visit a local elementary school weekly, for work. That one school has seamlessly integrated a former Paradise elementary school. And I mean, seamlessly. 2 schools in 1! With almost no time to prepare for the expansion, the kids and staff readily posted murals and artistic creations to warmly welcome their new peers. When I'm there, I see smiling faces in all directions. There's no indication to me that any of the children are doing an "us" versus "them" thing that we adults so regularly devolve into.

    While I was playing tetherball today, a girl approached to say "I'm in first grade." I believe her point was that she's in first grade and nearly my height. But she was too polite to expand on the sentiment. 
   Other kids who noticed my lack of tetherball savvy suggested that I hit the ball harder. (I tried. I really did. I still lost, 15 games to 0 games.) 
   By the way, did you know that a "cheap shot" amounts to one's opponent hitting the other's body with the ball, the result of which is that the person hit by the ball is out!? Perhaps dodge-ball is a less vicious option.

   Excuse me, while I leave to ice on my rope burns.
   Be well, my friends.

"There are heroes all around us doing ordinary things in extraordinary ways."

Camp Fire Aftermath

My Dear Sillies,
   First, an update on Jenny and Joe (last blog post). They've come "full circle," Joe tells me. They're moving into their own apartment--with family nearby--in the same town in which they met and married over 60 years ago.
   "We met in the fifties," he says, "and we're back here now in the teens." Such a clever, sweet man. Our oldest married couple to survive the Paradise Camp Fire: doing great and moving forward.
   I tried to explain about my blog and all. Joe's response was "It was great to hear from you. Thanks for the call." (I so love them!)

   Evacuations were lifted this weekend. All of Paradise was allowed to visit their home-sites for the first time since the terrors of 11/8.
   With her permission, here's my friend Tara sorting through the remains of what was her family's warm loving home. [Note: they had to wear protective gear -- potentially high levels of toxins in the rubble and ash. She told me I should've worn her outfit; it was too small.] Deep gratitude to my friend for allowing us a glimpse into this most intimate experience. 
   I'd been in their home several times. I can't even believe this is that place wherein we shared stories, music, berry pie, and amusement in watching the cat scuffle about.
 
   Although Tara found nothing worth salvaging, she finally slept through the night. The process afforded a sense of closure.
   Other friends have retrieved a few pieces of precious jewelry, porcelain doll parts, a clay teapot made in high school, a Christmas Nativity scene. One couple uncovered a 25 year wedding anniversary ring. It's all very bittersweet, chilling and heartwarming. Surreal.

 ~~~~~~~~~

   I can't be sure, but I do like to believe that generosity is felt more strongly than ever, across our entire region.
   Or maybe I'm appreciating it more. Or maybe it's the holiday spirit. Perhaps, then again, I didn't appreciate it as much before. Whatever the case, we're more readily looking out for each other.
   Upon returning to my car after a grocery run on Sunday, I found this note.

   The fact that a stranger took the time to inform me, wow. I don't look at my tires. A nice man had slowed his car to tell me about the same tire shortly after 11/8. I immediately got air in it, then forgot about the darn thing. (Note to self: Check car tires once in a while.)
   As luck would have it, with note in hand, I saw Les Schwab only yards away.
   But they close at 5p. It was 4:42p.
   "Okay, give me the keys. We'll take a look," the friendly employee said.
   They had plenty of work to do, and they were closing, but a few minutes later Andy greeted me. "Let me show you why I can't fix the tire." Andy walked me through the shop and pointed out a 3-inch long gash in the tire. Not to worry, he'd replace it.
   And then he'd say "You don't owe anything."
   "You're wonderful, Andy."
   I was home by 5p.

   I know, compared to what my local loved ones are going through--a ruptured tire on a car that didn't burn, and that I'm able to get fixed immediately--piddly stuff. How lucky I am!
   Kindness abounds and makes everything easier. That's the point I'm trying to underscore. I know you know this. It's worth remembering, and reminding each other, as much as possible.    


Have a safe, warm week that overflows with kindness.
Love you.