Sunday, September 27, 2009

Leggo, My Ego!

Dear Ego - What’s that? A bit harsh you say? I’ll tone it down. Forgot how sensitive you are. Let's try again. Dearest beloved, precious, beautiful ego of mine: What the bleep is wrong with you? I mean, I don’t hear from you in years. Suddenly, you’re parading naked in my face like a deranged lunatic. Chill out, would ya?! I’m beginning to think you don’t like that I’m doing this dating thing. Well, I’m not so fond of it myself. But I’m just trying to get some needs met here, if you know what I mean. Wink. It’s not as much fun with you hovering and critiquing me like this.

Take the last chap, the one whose name I kept forgetting. My goodness, the Kleenex I had to nurture you with after that one blew over. Not to mention the hours of counsel and chicken soup. You didn’t recuperate for days. Instead, we should’ve been downing tequila shots in celebration. Get real, honey, the guy couldn’t carry a conversation with a U-Haul.

And the one before that: could he say “mama’s boy” in all caps and bold face font? I think he could, dearest ego. I think he could. You bulldozed me for that one too. Okay, I should’ve seen it coming when his mom dropped him off at my place. I’m a little slow on the uptake.

Now, I’m a pretty amiable gal; I’m not looking for a fight here. So when you have something to say, tell someone who cares. I mean, I know this is hard for you, dear ego. You're incredibly fragile. For goodness sakes, grow some layers, would ya?! This ain't a picnic in Paris for me either.

I suppose you mean well, but your dramatics exhaust me. I’d forgotten how tightly wrapped you are until I re-entered the dating scene. Perhaps you can, I don’t know, find a new hobby. Start a Facebook page or meetup group or something. How about a love interest? Then again, all the available egos I know are quite desperate and pathetic, not to mention overly inflated.

I’m trying to help us out here. Let’s take a timeout for a bit until we’re ready to reconvene.

With love, sincerity, and well wishes, I’m sending you away to leggo, my ego!

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