Saturday, June 6, 2009

False Start

Action!

Take one: Through the canal and into the warm arms of your loving family. Awaiting your arrival for so long, they will treasure and protect you always. Your fragile being is a miracle to all who are intimately or even extraneously related. Little one, you are a piece of the infinitesimal love and awe that pervades space and time. You are an absolute treasure, oh precious baby. Here’s to a lifetime of health and happiness in this fine universe.

Cut! Get it right this time, people!


Take two: Through the canal and into the chilled, sterile room, a bloody mucus placenta enmeshed miniscule blob; snip-snip, slap-slap, and a: Welcome to the world. Now stop crying, already! No one ever said it’d be easy out here! Suck it up! Crawl it off, and chill out, would ya?! It’s only downhill from here, babe. What ya looking at me for? I have no answers. There’s no right way. Just hang tight, hold your breath, and keep breathing. Woo woo. Coo coo. You’re adorably cute, yes you are. Someday, you’ll be old and fat, lonely and desperate. Right now, you’re a little pink pug that won’t stop crying, peeing, and pooping, sometimes any two in combination, sometimes all three at once. Enjoy it, babe. They’ll take care of all your needs for a while. They’ll be at your beckon call day and night. You won’t remember a moment of it.

Cut! That’s a wrap!

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