Interview with Snow White's Seven Dwarfs, Disney Short-sightedness

Dear Sillies,

Please be safe and well, my friends. I mean, Hilary's a threat and all. (#Bernie4ever!)

As a person who's a little...well, little, I feel for the dwarfs. They didn't even get to audition for the Snow White movie. So I brought these cuties onto our stage for an interview.

Let's give a small warm welcome to...

The 7 dwarfs prance onto our stage in follow-the-leader fashion singing, "Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to..." Robyn stands in front of Doc to stall their movement. Hi guys! They freeze.

Grumpy to Robyn: Get out of the way, tramp!

Sleepy falls down snoring. 

Robyn: Oh, sweeties, I understand your upset. You were short-changed by Disney. They replaced you with stupid magical spirits.

Dopey (who can't even spell his name correctly for the group photo above): Wanna smoke? I got extra. Dopey shows Robyn a fistful of weed that he keeps stored in his lantern.

Happy, eying Robyn up and down: Hey, you're spendid. Too tall for me but weehee! I love this place!

Doc takes out a tape-measure and stretches it along Robyn's right calf. By my estimations, if you shrink three inches, you'll qualify for dwarf status. 

Grumpy: *Bleep* this *bleep*!

Robyn: I agree. She winks at Grumpy.

Grumpy: Don't flirt with me, b****! I don't  swing that way. 

Robyn: No, I, well, let's get to the real question. Gentlemen, what really happened between you and Snow White on those wild nights in the woods? 

Bashful turns red. 

Doc and Happy give each other small high-fives and then launch into a series of synchronized little pelvic thrusts. Bow chicka bow wow ho, ho, ho, ho!

Sneezy: Aachooo!

Robyn finds Bashful snuggled up to her kneecaps, shaded from the stagelights by Robyn's big bosoms.

Grumpy makes a beeline for the exit. *Bleep* this *bleep*!

Robyn, to the audience: Sorry to cut things short. We've some micro-aggressions to deal with backstage.   

She sighs and closes the stage curtains.

Naughty Teacher, TeachErotica

Dear Sillies, 

It's back to school time, and I'm a strong proponent of higher education. Learning is good. Learning by doing, even better. Gentle yet decisive individualized hands on guidance (between consenting adults, of course), as good as it gets. 

Keep a smile and a stash of the good stuff (chocolate or whatever sates your palate).

PS So sorry. Martha (Dad bod and all) had to make an appearance.

Love you.

Go Away, Creepsterinos! Stop Stalking Me

My Dear Sillies,

I’m far beyond annoyed with internet creepsters. From now on, this will resemble my discourse with every creepsterino who “friends” me:

Creepsterino: Hello 👋 it’s nice to meet you and how are you doing today?

THEN, before I respond, but after I block him, which apparently

didn't take: Can you understand what I am saying?

Me: Yes. Since you just want to be friends like all the others, I need to know if you are honest. Send me your full legal name, plus credit card number with expiration date and CVC code. (Hint: This code is on the back of the card; you need to turn it over.) If you don't have a credit card, don’t worry! I’ll just take your social security number. Next, my boyfriend will run a security clearance check within 72 hours! Sorry for the delay, but he’s screening 286 men before you. A woman must be careful. Surely such a nice, intellectual man like yourself can appreciate that.

Me, before he responds: For the sake of full transparency, this is my boyfriend. Can you understand what I am saying?

Be well, my Darling Sillies.

May you have no creepsterino visits. If you do, I'll send my sweetheart over to make sure that said creepsterino can understand. Afterall, that's what friends are for. 

Love, hugs, and chocolate!