My Dear Sillies,
Life is full of confusion and irritants when I take things literally. And I always do.
Like when I first saw Avocado Toast on a cafe menu, I got excited. I love avocado, and what's not to love about toast? It'd be a nice, unique breakfast.
But I wanted a refund when I got a plate with avocado that had been splattered onto a piece of toasted bread. I mean, for $6? That's not avocado toast, am I right? Does banana bread consist of smushed banana on a slice of bread? Your blueberry muffin, one blueberry delicately balanced atop a bland muffin? No, just no!
Another thing I have literal issues with involves sending mailings from the Postal Service. Do not get behind me in line. I can't wrap my brain around pricing. Specifically, why is First Class the cheapest? Isn't First Class, like when you fly First Class and don't have to pay $5 for nuts because you already paid $200 for them, the best? It's First! A priority is, well, like my book. It's a priority and thus set aside to collect dust for years on end. I don't understand.
**Note: If your First Class package is over 15.99 ounces, you must upgrade the mail class to Priority Mail.**
Most gross of all, is 100% Recycled toilet paper. It's extra soft & strong. I believe the "strong" aspect of this combo, but the concept of "recycled bath tissue"? I'm sorry. It's disgusting. But wait, it's been miraculously recycled through seven generations.
Do you understand? Do any literal-isms baffle you like they do me? Or is it literally just me?
Apologies for this last one. But look, it's whitened without chlorine bleach. I'm intrigued, and running low, but I just couldn't.
Love you.
