And I Wrote This Book.

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Dumpadoodoos: A-Z Launch!

   We can't avoid seeing him. Yet the mere thought of him evokes worldwide nausea, untamed rage, fevered cynicism, and chilling fear. His skills are limited to: stroking his own ego and perhaps his favorite body part--which we're assured is of sufficient size, and vomiting stupidity and hate. 
      The staff and crew at Life by Chocolate have arranged to substitute objects for the fungus on his head (He calls said fungus his "real hair," but we're not convinced). Perhaps the images will help ease the sight of him. 
      Yes, folks, Donald Trump agreed to host my A-Z Challenge. He said something about sending the bill to Mexico. I said, "No, dude, it's pro bono." To this, Trump said, whilst grabbing his crotch, "Oh I'm a pro. Believe me. All the women on my show, the one that NBC fired me from 'cuz they're stupid f*ckers, said 'What a big bono you have, Mr. Trump'!" 

A is for the AVACADOODOO:

The Avacadoodoo works well in combination with Taco Bell's Fiery Doritos Locos Taco Supreme and a Super Size Mofo Supreme.

Music: Orange Mofo With a Fungus on His Head.
 

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Springtime Erotica!

Happy Easter, Happy Spring, Happy, Happy all good things.
Take care of yourselves and have a good week, my sillies.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Online Dating, Sloths, and A-Z Reveal


Remember Einstein, breeder and milker of sloths? He's hard to forget, and he wrote back. Try as I might to keep the exchange sloth-relevant, he's been attempting human conversation. Yet a sloth would be more entertaining. Here's our recent email discourse:

Einstein, Mar 10: I'm back from Florida done with all of my training!!! I got a new breeding pair of sloths!!! How have you been???
Me, Mar 10: Florida? I imagine it's ripe for sloth breeding and milking. I mean, sloths love to hang out in the tropics. Very cool! Were you trained on new breeding or milking techniques? Do share. I'm doing well, just a bit slowed down by the rain. It makes tree-climbing trickier, but I'm developing hearty biceps, so that's a good thing. Cheers and happy slothing, Robyn

Einstein, Mar 16: Hello how is your day going???
Me, Mar 16: Some moments have been slow and sloth-like, other times I'm frazzled. How about your day?

Einstein, Mar 17: My day was super busy as usual but enjoyable. Any plans for the day?
Me, Mar 17: I work full-time. Heading out soon for a local Open Mic. Happy St. Pat's Day! Robyn

Einstein, Mar 18: How was open mic night!!!!
Me, Mar 19: It was fun how was your evening!!

And that was the "excitement" of my "dating" life these days.
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     Now, with more apologies than I mustered last year when Martha Stewart attempted to sex-up the place...We can't avoid seeing him. Yet the mere thought of him provokes worldwide nausea, untamed rage, fevered cynicism, and chilling heartache. His skills are limited to: stroking his own ego and perhaps his favorite body part--which we're assured is of sufficient size, and vomiting stupidity and hate. But wait! He CAN sport a new line of A-Z-dos. Perhaps the images will help ease the sight of him. 
      Yes, folks, Donald Trump agreed to host my A-Z Challenge. He said something about sending the bill to Mexico. I said, "No, dude, it's pro bono." To this, Trump said, whilst grabbing his crotch, "Oh I'm a pro. Believe me. All the women on my show, the one that NBC fired me from 'cuz they're stupid f*ckers, said 'What a big bono you have, Mr. Trump'!" 

Tune in next month, as Donald Trump models an alphabet's worth of hairdos. 
For example, he'll show us the Ivana-do for "I."

Note that I wouldn't display these alphabetized Trump-dos if I didn't have faith in the ultimate Trump-lose. He will lose. Keep faith. And in the meantime, let us laugh at his expense. Shall we?

Keep a smile and a stash of good chocolate, my dear sillies.
Take care of yourselves.
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Final note: As I inch closer to 50 reviews on Amazon for Woman on the Verge of Paradise, I beg. If you read and reviewed my book, I love you. A lot. If you read but didn't review it, please do. I'll love you more. If you haven't read but are willing to give it a whirl and then write a review on Amazon, I'll gladly show my love for you by sending a free copy (e-book or signed paperback). Please email me at Rawknrobyn@aol.com. Thank you kindly!

Sunday, March 13, 2016

St. Patty's Erotica

I massaged this annual poem, and I hope you enjoy.
Happy Saint Patrick's Day-Week!
May it be lucky for us all. Wink.
Take care, my dear sillies!

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Misadventures and Sloths in Online Dating

Dear Sillies,

Remember Einstein, who breeds and milks sloths? I haven't heard back from him since I suggested that the greatest challenge in milking a sloth involves getting high enough in a tree to securely grasp its "utters." [If you hear about a man falling from a tree while attempting to milk a sloth, you can thank me for that one.] But it's not all discouraging, friends. One cute, witty man sent me these True Facts about the Sloth. I rarely post videos here, yet this one's short (2:19) and TRULY worthy. Unfortunately, I'm out of the sender's age range, but we benefit from this entertaining video.

Have a great week.
Keep a smile, and be glad that you are not a sloth.