A life by chocolate entails finding sweetness in the light and dark. Moreso, it's about addiction to cocoa. An insatiable sweet-tooth doesn't hurt. Well, not until the yucky tartar buildup and stuff. To the point, I strive to make you laugh like never before, cry in a good way, and hoard all the fair trade chocolate I haven't yet found. Thanks for sampling Life by Chocolate. I hope you keep coming back for more.
And now, onto reasons number 376 through 383 for a straight single gal to avoid the dating swamps in favor of eternal celibacy. These ads represent the options. It doesn't get much worse. And yet, neither does it get much better. As usual, what's bolded is lifted directly from on-line dating forums. My snarky comments follow. Please enjoy...from afar. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ REASON #376:HelloAsk
me a thing you want Okay, will you give me a nice, big, dark man or piece of chocolate?
REASON #377: You
further down, sweetie, and I’ll see the Earth’s core or Uranus.
My favorite of this bunch:
want the Lord pick the girl for me!
the Lord undoubtedly has a high-speed Wifi connection, but I’m guessing the
Almighty ain’t reading this ad. Try increasing the
font and see if that works!
REASON #379: looking
for a fun girl country or other
“other” leaves the field wide open, so that’s a good strategy. As far as “fun
girl country,” I’m thinking you’d do best to stick with the free world: US,
Canada, or a Chippendales bachelorette party in the Swiss Alps.
with a hint of Kanye
that’s like saying anorexic with a hint of Oprah, or civilized with a hint of
Trump, or sexually desirable with a hint of Martha Stewart. It just doesn’t work.
REASON #381: i
do not get the meet me,send mesge
do not get it either, babe.
look to hard
that’s what I’ve been doing wrong! Whenever I look to hard, it goes soft. Thank
you! You’re a genius!
this mean you are marginally, practically, or secretly Female? Not that there’s
anything wrong with that, sweetheart. We're all on the spectrum.
Keep a smile, my friends, as we enter a new month.
In February, our staff and crew like to collect as much Valentine's Hate as we're able. So we're sponsoring our annual Hate Love Sweet Package GIVEAWAY! The next string of posts will be dedicated to the GIVEAWAY. Winner will receive a generous package of sweetness.
Rules: (1) Be a follower --of my blog, that is. (2) For the next week or so (I'll announce that here) submit in the comments section your best and most humorous hateful Valentine's message in UP TO AND NOT MORE THAN 50 WORDS. Flattery works for me, so don't hold back, BUT I'll put it up to public vote. I'll make the deciding vote, if needed. It's kinda your standard cooperative communistic dictatorship. Wink. (You like that, CW?)
I needed a getaway last weekend, so I got away. If you read my book, you might remember my second date with Justin. He took me to a special area from his childhood, and he treated me to a delicious family-style dinner at Negri's. And then, well, that date and chapter ended with a hot and playful sex scene. Remember? (I added this factoid as a cheap attempt to increase sales. Click on image to the left for more info on Woman on the Verge of Paradise. Wink.)
Anyway, a decade later, I was drawn back to where it all began with Justin: Occidental. Nestled in wine-country pine-trees and populated by peace-loving, hipster, wine-indulging bohemian artsy folk, I had a wonderfully relaxing time. And I had...
THREE DEEP FRIED OREOS ala mode!!!
I'm always thinking of you, dear sillies. So it was with concerted effort that I enjoyed this while simultaneously attempting to accurately describe their awesomeness in words. "MMMMmmm!!!" is really all I came up with. They were so damn good! I have no words. *Blissful, blissful sigh.*
On a scale of 1-10, I give Negri's deep fried oreos a 15, with a smile that radiates
*Blissful, blissful sigh.*
On a completely different note, I'm thankful to Elephant'sChild for the suggestion that I submit poetry to Rat's Ass Review, an online poetry magazine for women's sex poems. A couple of hours after I submitted, I received word that two of my erotica poems (Valentinerotica and Springtimerotica) would be published here. It's the first time anyone but me accepted my poetry for publication. And it's a very fun, non-traditional (i.e., not boring, snobby, or migraine inducing) site. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be well, my dear sillies.
"If a man hasn't found something he will die for, he isn't fit to live." -Martin Luther King I disagree with this quote, because it sets the bar beyond the stars. This gal's simply looking for a guy who isn't a dufus or dweeb, dead or married. But the quote reveals why Martin Luther King was among the greatest of the greats of all time. He refused to stop forcing what's right, whatever the cost. That said, I'm reposting Courage. I hope you have an appreciative day and week, my dear sillies.
This isn't a political post. If it were, I'd tell you that I'm voting for...Let's just say my bud CW Martin calls me a "reasonable Communist." CW is so right, too.
And now onto my first rap "song." Hope you enjoy!
The extraordinarily fun and funny, sassy and silly Janie Junebug is posting something special here today. I'm honored. Kindly visit and follow, if you aren't already. Janie's a gracious hostess.
Thank you, friends.
Avoid the fungus, unless you like mushrooms (mushroom and pineapple pizza is my favorite), and keep a smile.
Dear friends, here's to a sweet 2016! A new start is always a good thing. Right? So is silliness. That said, here we go with my Reasons for Celibacy, #368 through 375. As usual, I posted these "accidentally" -shall we say?- for your entertainment.* They've been lifted directly from current on-line dating ads. Actual headlines are bolded, and my snarky commentary is italicized. Please enjoy. *I can't imagine what else they might be good for. Can you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ REASON #368:family
man and a thrusworthy friend to have. Gotta
admit, I like a man who’s thrusworthy.
REASON #369: im
just looking for someone to do things
haven’t found one, huh? The world’s getting lazy, ain’t it?
REASON #370: you
don't half to look no more
my better half? Are you related to the guy who says we should whole ass one
thing? Or the one who’s a full-time dad 50% of the time? Do you even half
siblings or half-siblings, bro?
REASON #371: i
am looking for gril friend
you need a good, hard poker for that?
REASON #372: Are
sweetie, like when I miss loved ones who died, contemplate the fate of
human existence, and read personal ads.
REASON #373: Cape
Have I met my soul mate in an Underdog fan? Mighty Mouse? Batman’s “little
buddy”? *smirk* Cape Diem to you too, Boy Wonder!!
REASON #374: looking
for a great adventue
REASON #375: *Insert
*Ward, I think you were too hard on the Beaver last night.*