Saturday, April 30, 2011

Trekkie Birth Control, A Saturday Centus

 
courtesy of google images, though I wish I could take credit for this one.

Jenny Matlock

You didn't know if I'd continue this sci-fi spoof. Did ya? Me neither, but I found this photo and had to keep trekking! Ms. Matlock allowed us to use a picture this time. Otherwise, the drill is the same: 100 word max based on a prompt - which is bolded below. This one is a sequel to this one. But if you're just here to look at the picture, that's good too.
 
It's been a year since Jenny started the Saturday Centus. Join the class, if you haven't already. We have a good time. You might want to sit next to someone more normal, though. There are plenty of cool classmates to choose from.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Trekkie Birth Control
 
"Abort! This is not logical. I shall depart!" Spock moves to the Sirius Exit.
 
"Not so fast," James warns. "You must view the final segment, Mr. Spock."
 
He freezes to refocus on the screen.
 
Natashialovarita, smirking, advances the video.
 
An adolescent Spock (played by Jack Black) and Rita (played by Lindsay Lohan) are seen enjoying dinner under Goofy's 12th moon.
 
"Although the traditional gift for the first anniversary is paper," Spock informs, "this is different." He hands Rita a fancily wrapped gift box.
 
"A necklace?" She guesses, then breaks it open.
 
"Aren't they cute, Rita? Little jammies for our expectant cling-on!"
 
The camera (once again) zooms in on an unfulfilled Rita.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Z is for Ziggy!

 
These cartoons are courtesy of google images.
I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too!
~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o

There's been so much commotion on stage since April Fool's Day, I thought I'd close with a quiet character.

He's endearing, sweet, well-mannered, stocky, bald, and pantless. That's our Ziggy! I couldn't interview him because -well- he doesn't talk, not aloud anyway. But Ziggy's here with some feel-good cartoons, to wrap things up with cheer.

I'm grateful to the hosts/hostesses of this A-Z challenge. You did an amazing job with a huge (to say the least) task, managing all 1200+ participants. I especially appreciated the personal greetings. Wow. Kudos to you!

Thanks to my characters who took the stage, from Alvin to Ziggy and everyone in between. [To those who actually took the stage, like Mr. Magoo and Speed Racer, you owe me some Whatchamacallit.] At any rate, I couldn't have done this without you creatures. What's that? You didn't get your checks yet? Darn mail service!

Highlights included Barney Rubble, Ernie, Puff the Magic Dragon, Winnie The Pooh and Tigger too. Lows included Krusty the Clown and Quagmire. Apologies again.

Our friend Ziggy was created in 1969 by Tom Wilson, former American Greetings executive. Thank you, Tom. We all love and can relate to Ziggy.

It was wonderful making so many new connections in the blogosphere this past month. Thanks to all who followed this series and/or visited and/or became a follower. I'm deeply grateful.

Alex (Cavanaugh), are we done yet? Yeah? PHEW!!! Time for some zzzzz's.

Y is for Yosemite Sam!


I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I tried for the good “Y” but Mr. Lucas informed me Yoda died years ago at the age of 900. Darn the luck! We’re stuck with Yosemite Sam. Sorry folks. I told him Bugs is here, to make sure he’d show up. Shh, here he comes.

Yosemite Sam strolls in, searching all around. He holds up a gun per his typical almost-ready-to-fire-but-not-really fashion.  Where’s that long-eared varmint? I’ll catch him if it’s the last thing I do, dagnabbit!

Robyn: Well, I hate to break it to you, but the hare's not here.

Yosemite Sam: What? I know that hare’s here somewhere. I’ll find that galute. Where's he hidin'?

Robyn: No, really. Bugs isn't here. I just said he'd be here so you'd show up to represent Y. Yoda’s dead, ya know? Poor Yoda, gone at age 900. So young. Robyn takes out a tissue and dabs her eyes.

Yosemite Sam: Heh? Why I outta… Say your prayers, missy. He aims his gun at Robyn.

Robyn pulls a kippah (Jewish beanie) out of her pocket and places it on her head: Well, alright. Baruch Atah Adonay, ema abba, bagels and lox, and may he be nice and smart and cute and not married or dead. Amen! Hey, Yosemite Sam, did you hear that? Someone said “What’s up doc?” It came from over there. Robyn points to the edge of the Life by Chocolate stage. Yosemite saunters over towards the edge. No, go further. He takes another step closer to the edge. No, go further. He steps again, this time falling off the stage and onto the giant brick Z that’s waiting to bring this A-Z challenge on home. Yosemite, flat as a pancake, mutters some words that – fortunately- cannot be understood.

Bugs Bunny hops out from behind the giant Watchamacallit (the one that’s on Robyn’s stage, the one that was destroyed by Mr. Magoo and Speed Racer earlier in this Challenge).

We did it, Bugs! Robyn and Bugs “high-five” (or high “five-four or something like that”) each other. They share a carrot and some chocolate. That is, Bugs Bunny eats a carrot and Robyn eats some chocolate.
~~~
Friz Freleng created Yosemite Sam in 1945, and the character has been a constant (irritant) in Warner Brothers' Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies since then. Mel Blanc voiced Yosemite Sam from 1945 until 1987, at which time he needed to give up this role due to the toll it took on his voice. [Mel Blanc also voiced Mr. Spacely of the Jetsons.] Since 1990, Maurice LaMarche has been Yosemite's voice actor.

As much as I oppose guns and violence on children's shows, I always enjoyed the Bugs Bunny-Yosemite Sam dynamic. I find it even funnier now than I did as a kid. So, thanks to this team of creatives for all the laughs! 

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Brown Buckle Shoes: Protecting Our Children

Introduction

This is a heavy one. April marks time for many things, including National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Having invested the bulk of my career towards preventing child abuse, or soothing its impact, I am moved to draw attention to the cause.

The numbers are shocking. In the United States alone, over 3 million reports flood Child Welfare each year. But that’s just the number of reports, and each claim usually includes multiple children. In 2007, 5.8 million children were involved in 3.2 million allegations. That year, an estimated $104 billion was spent on the crisis.1 This is not to mention the millions of children whose abuse goes unreported every year.

Adding to the tragedy, more subtle forms of abuse –neglect and emotional abuse-- are also the most ignored. Neglect comprises by far the most common form child abuse and is increasing at frightening rates. In this harsh economy, our social service systems are less poised than ever to address the growing problem. Services to children and the elderly are consistently first on the chopping block, and first back on that block for the next round, and so on.

It really does take a village. Still, one caring gesture towards a pained child makes a difference. Of this, I assure you.
_____
[1] Info courtesy of www.childhelp.org 1800 4-A-Child

     Robyn(5), Glenn-David(4), Mom (35) & Jonathan(2.5), Dawn(6)
                       Queen Mary, Long Beach, CA 1971




Brown Buckle Shoes

“Come on! Would you hurry it up, already? I’m going to be late for work!” Dad shouted. My heart raced. My eyes welled. I was blowing it again. Dad was mad at me, and I couldn’t find my shoes.

Just a few minutes earlier, I rejoiced in donning my favorite dress: a dark, multi-colored flower pattern that mommy made me. She attached an olive green velvet ribbon to the neckline. I felt pretty in that dress. But I felt ugly when I made dad mad. My sister was already sitting in the station wagon, waiting quietly like a good daughter should.

I gulped down some Minute Maid orange juice. Mom never stirred it enough, and I hated those little yucky specks that floated to the top. I couldn’t quite figure out how to avoid drinking them but still get some juice down. After a few spoonfuls of Lucky Charms, I was good to go.

At least, I thought I was ready. So far, the morning had gone smoothly. Then, it came time to grab my brown buckle shoes. They were my favorite, and I kept them side by side just below the foot of my bed.

Upon a mad dash into my room, I didn’t see those shoes. “It’s time to go!” He shouted. I looked under the pink cotton shirt that lay at my feet. No, my shoes weren’t there. I looked on top of and around my bed. Time and luck were against me. “Hurry up!” “Your sister’s been waiting!” Dad kept shouting at me. Tears streamed down my face. I was bad. I was a bad kid, the bad kid who made daddy mad and late for work.

My head suddenly shifted towards the doorway, where mom stood peacefully. “It’s alright,” she assured. “Everything is going to be alright.” I breathed life back into my lungs and glanced under my bed. My eyes fell upon the pair of brown buckle shoes, quietly hiding together and within my reach.

While slipping my feet into the shoes, I ran out to the car that was fueled by dad’s rage. I lost my breath again. My heart raced. As I held onto mom’s words, I looked down at my innocent feet that were protected only by those brown buckle shoes – my favorite pair.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

X is for X-23, Woman of The X-Men!


I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~!~~~~~?~~~~~?~~~~~*~~~~~x~~~~~x~~~~~x

I exhausted my “X” options, all one of them. We’re stuck with an X-"man". Sorry. I shouldn’t down these mutants, though. Since the 1990s, The X-Men has been the top comic book franchise in the world. They can be found not only on bookshelves, but also in video games, and at rehearsals for an upcoming movie. Furthermore, X-men aren’t just men. Over a dozen of said X-men are women.

I’m perplexed. Long gone are the days of tossing one’s bra into a bonfire and rallying for voting rights. Yet these killer women (i.e., women who kill) don’t protest a “man” label. Why not? I’ve invited X-23 (aka Laura Kinney) to our studio today, in hopes of shedding light on this peculiarity.

Robyn: Welcome, X-23. X-23 extends a hand and two bone claws abruptly retract. Robyn, shaking, sticks her hand back into her pocket.

Thanks for joining us. You’re a good role model for kids. You’re tough, courageous, and you battle evil forces. You show us that girls can be strong and proactive. I like that. But why are you referred to as a man and doesn’t that bother you?

X-23 belches. Let’s be clear, we’re all mutants. I’m Wolverine’s clone. Nobody, and I mean nobody, calls me a man.

Robyn gulps. So, you’re a clone of a man? I’m afraid I’m more confused.

X-23: No. I’m a woman X-man mutant clone. Why the confusion, babe, and you got any beer around here?

Robyn: No. Sorry. Um, will this do? Robyn hands her a Big Hunk bar, which X-23 readily ravages. Back to your question, I suppose I’m confused by your enhanced capabilities, retracting bone claws, and wondrous healing powers--in addition to the fact you are an X-MAN.

X-23: Let’s keep it real. In the mutant or human world, it’s all the same. Everybody knows who’s really in charge. We just let the men think they are. She winks.

Robyn: That’s an excellent point, X-23. Thank you for clearing up my confusion. Robyn begins to give a handshake but rescinds the gesture, remembering the claw factor. X-23 zips away, and Robyn grabs a beer from the fridge.
***
Marvel Comics' The X-Men was created by writer Stan Lee and artist Jack Kirby. The first X-Men comic book hit the shelves in 1963. Reports vary, but it appears there have been approximately 100 X-Men over the years, with close to 15 of these X-Men being women. Craig Kyle created X-23 (Laura Kinney), and Christopher Yost partnered with Kyle to write a number of episodes in which she was featured. 

The X-Men fight for what’s right and are progressive-minded. They accept people (and mutants) from all walks of life – provided theses beings are on the good side of good versus evil. For these reasons alone, I salute all who’ve contributed to The X-Men, especially those who created the fearless Women X-Men. Keep up the fight, male and female X-Men mutants and mutant clones!

W is for Winnie the Pooh!

 -courtesy of google images

I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~~~~x~~~~~o~~~~~x~~~~~o~~~~~x~~~~~o~~~~~x~~~~~o~~~~~x
Robyn: Today, I proudly present the world's most wonderful example of friendship, love, and loyalty. He’s whimsical and witty. We all adore him. I'm talking, of course, about Winnie the Pooh!

Winnie the Pooh walks in with confidence and calm. The audience goes wild.

Robyn: I can’t believe you’re here. I’m truly honored. Thank you! Thank you, Pooh Bear!

Winnie the Pooh: Sure-tainly.

Robyn: Sweet bear, we’re going through tough times throughout the world. You’re always good with words of comfort. I’d like to ask you to share some of your favorite Winnie-isms, say, from your Little Instruction Book or any of your films.

Winnie the Pooh: Sure-tainly. Here goes.

A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.

Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake.

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you.

It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"

If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

And, finally...Winnie sighs before his finally statement.

Some people care too much, I think it's called love.

Robyn: Pooh Bear, you’re so special. Thank you so much! Robyn and Winnie share a hug.

Winnie: Sure-tainly. Pooh waves to the crowd and strolls off the stage.
~~
Winnie the Pooh was created by A. A. Milne and illustrated by E. H. Shepard. The first book of the series, Winnie-the-Pooh, was published in 1926. Stephen Slesinger purchased trade rights in 1931, and Pooh quickly became a $50 million per year business. Disney took Pooh aboard in the 1960s and our lovable bear keeps going strong. Since the 1970s, Pooh was voiced by three actors: Sterling Holloway, Hal Smith and Jeff Cummings. Plan to enjoy the next Winnie the Pooh movie this summer.  I am grateful to this site for the above quotes:
http://www.great-inspirational-quotes.com/

Thanks to all who've brought us Winnie the Pooh. He will stay in our hearts forever.

Monday, April 25, 2011

V is for Velma Eugenia Dinkley


I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~()~~~~o~~*~~~~o~~~[]~~~~o~~~{}~~~~o~~~&~~~~o~~~~~!~~~^!

Robyn: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm excited to welcome Scooby Doo's Velma Eugenia Dinkley. Velma enters the stage in her typical attire, gripping her glasses nervously. Nice to meet you, Velma. Have a seat and relax. Velma sits at Robyn's computer desk and begins Internet research. Sure, be my guest. My password is...Oh, you figured it out. You know, I used to identify with you, a nerdy outcast and all. How does it feel that Daphne gets so much attention? Let’s face it, she’s not quite playing with a full deck.

Velma: Well (blushing), Daphne is pretty hot. I mean, we all work together as equals. It’s all good.

Robyn: I see. But there’s been some ongoing tension between you and Shaggy. Right?

Velma: Actually, after that one kiss Daphne and Fred pressured us into, I don’t know what I ever saw in him. He chose Scooby over me anyway. That’s ok. Jinkies, Daphne’s pretty -um- pretty. And Fred, well, talk about not playing with a full deck. I barely notice him.   

Robyn: It sounds like there might be something you’d like to come out with. Yes? Now’s a good time. Our audience is very accepting.

Velma: Well (taking a deep breath), okay. Though perceived as illiterate barbarians, the ancient Vikings actually encrypted an enormous quantity of documentation in stone, wood, and metal. Clearly highly communicative, they utilized mysterious symbols known as runes to transmit messages. Runes were instrumental for writing, telling fortunes, and casting spells.

Robyn: Thanks, Velma. Don’t you have a mystery to solve right about now?

Velma: Oh yeah (looking at her watch and logging out). Gotta go.

Scooby Doo was created for Hanna-Barbera Productions by writers Joe Ruby and Ken Spears in 1969. Velma’s been a consistent and rather under-appreciated character all along. She does, after all, singlehandedly solve most of the group’s mysteries. Velma was originally voiced by Nicole Jaffe, followed by a series of others. Mindy Cohn of The Facts of Life fame has been Velma’s voice actress since 2002. Keep up the good sleuthing, Velma. They’d be lost without you.

U is for Underdog!


I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~()~~~~o~~*~~~~o~~~[]~~~~o~~~{}~~~~o~~~&~~~~o~~~~~!~~~^!


Robyn: Welcome to our program, Underdog. You’re a good U!

Underdog: Thanks, and that I know. Polly Purebred tells me so.

Robyn: It’s been 38 years since your show aired. What have you been doing these days?

Underdog: I eat. I walk. I try to fly. Lift-off is hard, I’m not sure why.

Robyn: Do you worry you’ve lost your touch?

Underdog: There’s no need to fear! Underdog is here!

Robyn: This might be a bit personal, but I've always wondered...Do you wear Underoos?

Underdog: Commando is how I roll. Briefs and boxers take a toll.

Robyn: Do you always speak in rhyme?

Underdog: No.

Artist Joe Harris teamed with General Mills executives to create Underdog in 1959. Originally, Underdog served as a cereal icon. The cartoon series aired from 1964-1973. Underdog was voiced by Wally Cox and narrated by George Irving. Thanks to this team for my favorite childhood cartoon dog.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Easter Greetings from Chico! Sundays in My City

Unknown Mami


Unknown Mami hosts a wonderful party on Sundays. Tour the world by clicking on the above link.

I have a few Chico-based photos for you this week. Thanks for visiting.




Happy Easter Sunday! xo Robyn

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Cling-on Warning! A Saturday Centus

Jenny Matlock
The Saturday Centus challenges us to write a piece within 100 words, based on a prompt. I encourage you to jump aboard. It's great practice, and I've met wonderful peers this way. Plus, Jenny's our favorite teacher.


Admittedly, it's been difficult to overcome last week's harsh critique. Thus, this post may be more warped than ever. Still, I'm continuing my sci-fi spoof from two weeks ago [here]. Miss Jenny made us use this unappealing photo as our prompt. Sorry, sorry. It's not my fault. Well, it is. Have a happy Easter, regardless!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cling-on Warning!

"Rita, do you have the -um- protective device?"

"No, Spock. The guy's apposed to take care of that."

"But I, I, I...didn't."

"Don't worry, Spocky. We're standing up."

"Okay Rita. Here goes."

The screen abruptly blackens. Next, this horrid photo of a blue Hue Heffer appears.

James Earl's voice returns in rhyme:

"Premature exploration - the kind bunnies do all day -

creates ramifications, er 'cling-ons.' Shall we say?

Lil dippers, heed this warning.

Don't hop o'er that gate.

For a moment of  adventure,

The price may be too great."

Friday, April 22, 2011

T is for Tigger!



I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.
~~()~~~~o~~*~~~~o~~~[]~~~~o~~~{}~~~~o~~~&~~~~o~~~~~!~~~^!

I'm afraid I couldn't get this character to stabilize for an interview. He bounced around the studio like Richard Simmons on crack in a Jumpy House. Like a bobble-head, I tracked his bouncy, pouncy, flouncy, trouncy fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. I am now wearing a neck brace.

Did you know Tigger's been around since 1928? That's when he entered A.A. Milne's book, The House at Pooh Corner.  Paul Mitchell provided Tigger's original voice, followed by Will Ryan, and then Jim Cummings. Thanks, guys. We love our wonderful, one and only Tigger!

S is for Speed Racer!


I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~()~~~~o~~~&~~~~o~~~[]~~~~o~~~{}~~~~o~~~&~~~~o

Gripping a microphone, Robyn belts out in pseudo-song: Here he comes, here comes Speed Racer. He's a demon on wheels!

Speed crashes his Mach 5 through the supersized Whatchamacallit that graces the stage of Life by Chocolate. (It had just been restored after the Magoo fiasco.) He slams on the brakes, jumps out of the car, removes his helmet, and strikes a pose for the audience.

Robyn: Thanks so much for driving in, Speed. I've always wanted to meet you. I, well, had a crush on you since I was young. Robyn blushes.

Speed nods, jumps back into his car, and says: Gotta go. With a wave and a wink, he speeds off.

Robyn's eyes are glued to Speed, as he becomes a distant memory. Wiping her tears, she sings: He's off and flyin' as he guns the car around the track. He's jammin' down the pedal like he's never comin' back. Adventure's waitin' just ahead. Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer, Go!

Tatsuo Yoshida created Speed Racer in 1967, and the character debuted in a Japanese comic book, Mach Go Go Go. Speed Racer was voiced by Katsuji Mori in Japan. Peter Fernandez edited and voiced the American version. Speed Racer originally aired from 1966-68. But he keeps going. Go Speed Racer, Go!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

R is for Robin!


I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!

Our hidden camera captures Robin hopping off of the blue-line bus (#52) and power-walking towards the Life by Chocolate studio. He jumps in and brushes himself off, as if he's just survived a risky journey.

Robyn: Welcome, Robin. Great name.

Robin: Thanks. Great name too.

Robyn: Thanks. You don't get nearly the attention of Batman and your skills pale in comparison. There was even a female Robin in the comics but she was killed. Tell me, how does it feel to be so disrespected?

Robin: Batman's my idol and my very close buddy. Very close. It's every boy's dream to - His face abruptly reddens. It feels like holy *bleep*! That's how it feels! Holy *bleep*!

Robyn: I bet. Is there anything interesting you'd like to share about yourself?

Robin: No.

Robyn: I didn't think so. Thanks anyway. Great name.

Robin: Great name.

Bob Kane, Bill Finger and Jerry Robinson created the original Robin in 1940. He was introduced to appeal to a younger audience. It worked. Robin's appearance doubled the sales of Batman comic books. He's a loyal sidekick with a great but misspelled name.

My parents spelled my name with a "y" to spare me from being associated with Batman's buddy. All the brain power between them, and their strategy lacks logic. Don't you think? Then again, I have never been associated with Batman's buddy. So, perhaps they did me a favor...Poor Robin, so disrespected but such a decent guy. Batman could not have made it so far without you. Thank you, little buddy!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Q is for Quagmire! I'm quite sorry!

~Note: My standard dedication to children has been removed from this post. I cannot endorse Quagmire as a role model for kids, dogs, grownups or termites. I could've gone with Quasimodo but I chose the scarier option. Sorry.~

Quagmire struts in sporting his red and yellow Hawaiian print shirt. He drops his pants to reveal red silk speedos.  Giggity giggity. You look like a Virgo. I can change that!

Robyn: Look, Quag, I didn't have you here to have you. I just didn't know what else to do with a Q.

Quadmire: I can think of loads of things. He slides his hands down from sides of his chest to his hips, culminating in a pelvic thrust. Giggity giggity goo goo ga goo!

Ignoring him, Robyn places her chin in her palm contemplatively. I wonder if the Queen of Hearts was taken.

Quagmire: Yeah, baby. She was taken alright, royally taken. Giggity giggity giggity goo!

Robyn flips her cell-phone open to make more calls. She wanders off. Quagmire, still thrusting, hasn't noticed her departure.

Seth MacFarlane is the creator and voice actor of Glenn Quagmire. This oversexed character debuted on Season one of Family Guy in 2005. Quagmire's as hilarious as he is creepy. Wouldn't you say? Thanks for all the laughs, Seth! 

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Woman on the Verge of Paradise: Crap, it's Raining Men!

Sign reads "May you find Paradise to be all its name implies."

Thanks for joining me on the verge of Paradise, as this chapter of my life unfolds. If you're new to Life by Chocolate, or just madly trying to catch up with your blog reading (Can we ever truly catch up?), this non-fictional autobiographical story begins here. My last Paradise post is this one. While I strive for accuracy regarding place and time, I alter names as I see fit. This does not include Nora Profit, Mimi or Mojo the cat. Those names are perfectly right and perfectly real.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One of my greatest strengths is not discretion. So, when asked about my writing, I gratuitously catapult into flavorful detail of my celibacy series; Mr. Cemetery, the Pigeons! Guy, and all. I'm beginning to re-think this tactic, for a number of reasons.

First, there's Andrew. We met at last week's poetry reading in Paradise. I ran into him again this weekend at Peet's. As my luck would have it, Andrew asked what type of writing I'm doing. I, well, told him.

"Do you like dancing?" Note: this was him immediate response.

"I love dancing." Note: this was my indiscreet (i.e., stupid) answer. 

As I left Peet's, I felt his eyes follow me to my car.

Damnit. The rude man is having a party--a full-blown rave, in fact--in my head. "What is wrong with you, girlfriend? Had you switched teams like I suggested, you wouldn't be in this mess!"

So Andrew is awaiting my appearance at his ballroom dance class, since I said I'd check it out sometime. He's probably looking at his watch right now, feeling jilted and perplexed as to why I haven't yet arrived.

Crap. Okay, rude man, you are right. I know. I know. Just give me a little more time. I have needs. We've discussed this. Remember?

Second, I gave a doctor the low-down on my celibacy series.  What could I do? The guy asked. One can't lie to a doctor. Two days later, he called to ask me out for dinner sometime. He closed the conversation with the words every woman wants to hear when she's being courted: "I'll have to find a lousy place to take you, given your dating disasters." 

Crap. Crap. Crap. Okay, obnoxious man, hand me the bat. I'll give this pinch hitting thing a whirl. Before I stepped up to the plate, though, I was indiscreet again.

His name is Matthew. I met Matthew on plentyoffish. I didn't add him to my celibacy series, because he writes in complete sentences. The fodder's just not there. In fact, we had a nice telephone conversation on Sunday.  I elaborated on my stuck-in-the-mud-on-a-date story; this one involves being stranded overnight in the middle of the desert in Kenny's four-wheel drive. We had no cell-phones. It was cold. I thought I'd die. Kenny offered no comfort except an old Oreo cookie.  In the end, we made it out okay. I broke up with him only after I arrived home safely.

Matthew was thrilled to hear it. "So the bar's set pretty low, huh?"

"You got that right." I responded with an exhuberant dose of indiscretion. "It's below sea level. Bring me a stale Oreo cookie, and you're the man!"

Oy. Crap. I know, I know, rude man. I know you're right. Hand me that bat, before I'm indiscreet again. Hurry!

P is for Puff the Magic Dragon

Puff, the magic dragon lived
I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~~p~~~~~u~~~~f~~~f~~~~?~~~x~~~~o~~~x~~~~o
Robyn and Puff are sprawled out on beach chairs, yards from the shore, in a land called Honah Lee.

Robyn: Yah, mon. No worries. What's with the strings and sealing wax that Jackie Paper brought you all the time?

Puff: Little Jackie and I played secret games with those things and other fancy stuff.

Robyn: Whoa, dude. That's cool. Like what?

Puff grabs another brownie, glares at it pensively, then tosses it onto the sand. I really miss that kid.

Robyn strokes Puff's spikes. Sorry, Puff. I sure am glad you'll live forever.

Puff the Magic Dragon stemmed from a 1959 poem by Leonard Lipton. Lipton was a housemate of Peter Yarrow's when the two attended Cornell University. [In the original, happier version, Puff replaces Jackie with another child after Jackie stops visiting.] Peter joined Paul Stookey and Mary Travers in 1961 to form Peter, Paul and Mary. They recorded Puff in 1962. Thanks to this wonderful threesome for gifting the world with the magic dragon. Undoubtedly, he lives forever.

Monday, April 18, 2011

O is for Oscar the Grouch!

I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~!~~~~o~~~!~~~~o~~~[x]~~~~o~~~{!}~~~~o~~~&~~~~o

Robyn trollops skips innocently through the Paradise Toxic Waste Disposal Site. She stops abruptly at a trashcan in the center of the stinky field. Knocking on the lid, she shouts: Oscar! Oscar! I'd like to interview you. Please!? I couldn't find Olive Oyle, she's so skinny. Os are hard to come by, but I won't get into that during children's hour. Hello! Hello! Are you there?

Oscar: Go away! I'm busy loving my trash!

Determined, Robyn lifts the lid.

Oscar: I said go away! Leave us alone!

Robyn, scrounges through his trash. What have you here, Oscar?

Oscar: Alright! You asked for it. Here's some trash for you!

Oscar hits Robyn with a pair of pink sparkly, Elton John-style elevator shoes; a stack of century-old tabloids spotlighting Brad and Angelina's impending divorce; and a cursing Charlie Sheen (in the flesh).

Will Robyn recover for P? Many, many women have, so the odds look good.

Oscar the Grouch debuted on Sesame Street in the early 1970s. He's a brainchild of the show's head writer, Jon Stone, and muppet creator, Jim Henson. Initially, Oscar was an orange fellow displaying a dark unibrow. While his color's changed, his unibrow stuck. (No wonder he's grouchy.) John Lovelady crafted orange Oscar, and Caroll Spinney has performed the grouch since Oscar's first appearance. Who doesn't like Oscar, the world's best grouch?  

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Review of a Twisted Mind, A Saturday Centus

Jenny Matlock


The Saturday Centus challenges us to write a piece within 100 words, based on a prompt. I encourage you to jump aboard. Just click on the graphic above. It's great practice, and I've met wonderful peers this way. Plus, Jenny's our favorite teacher.

This week, our 50th, we are asked to review any of last week's posts. I'm typing quickly to post this before all the other harsh critics beat me to it. It's a matter of pride! So, here's a review of my last post, which is here. My sci-fi spoof series begins here.
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Review of a Twisted Mind

What the *bleep* was that? Writer (if you can call her that. I know I can't.) Robyn Alana Engel puts Spock and the sci-fi genre to shame. Her use of sexual innuendos throughout this entire series not only violates Ms. Matlock's "no risque writing" rule, but presents an outrageous affront to the sci-fi world. "Stick that tiny thing in already," Engel writes, with little Natashialovarita encouraging young Spock to more confidently explore new terrain. Thanks a lot,  Engel! We neither needed nor wanted an image of an emasculated Spock. Clearly, girlfriend, you have some pent-up sexual frustrations. I suggest you get professional help and other things you obviously need. But good lord, give Spock some hard earned relief. [By the way, James Earl Jones' narration was an acceptable touch. Astro Boy's performance was stellar, and Dora got lost in the role. Thus, there are a few redeeming qualities to Engel's work. Still, I recommend you stay lightyears from this twisted mind.]

N is for Ned Flanders!


I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.


~~~w~~~~~w~~~~J~~~d~~~~?~~~x~~~~o~~~x~~~~o
Robyn: Today, we welcome the man everybody but Homer wants as their neighbor, Mr. Ned Flanders.

Ned walks onto the stage reading the Bible. As he nears Robyn, he stops, folds over the page, closes the Book, and shakes Robyn's hand with the enthusiasm of Lindsay Lohan at Tiffany's. It is truly, truly wonderful to be here. We are all God's children, afterall.

Robyn: Nice to meet you too, Mr. Flanders. How's business at your store, the Leftorium?

Ned: Okilly-dokilly, despite the fact that nothing's RIGHT there. Get it? See, I can make jokes too. I -uh- LEFT it (hee hee) to my sons Rod and Todd so I could do this interview. Dee-dee-diddly-doo. 

Robyn: I appreciate that. Tell me, why does Homer hate you so much?

Ned: He doesn't hate me, my friend. Homer's heart is as big as the sun. Then again...He leans in and cups his hands around his mouth as if about to reveal the world's best kept secret. I admit, Marge and I have a history. One day after Maude's death by random NASCAR accident, may she rest in peace, bless her soul, -- he crosses his heart, looks up, removes a hanky from his pocket to wipe a few tears, and continues -- I needed some sugar. Marge was good for it. Wink, wink. Okilly-dokilly. Now, I must go to confession. Gotta get my daily dose of vitamin church. He gives Robyn an elbow nudge and a left-handed handshake. Wonderful to be here.

Robyn: The pleasure was all yours. Thank you, Mr. Flanders.

Designed by Rich Moore, Ned(ward) Flanders made his first appearance on The Simpsons during the show's first season in 1989. Arguably, Ned Flanders is one of the nicest guys on Tv. Who can compare?

Friday, April 15, 2011

M is for Mr. Magoo!


I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~?~~~~o~~~&~~~~o~~~[x]~~~~o~~~{!}~~~~o~~~&~~~~o

Mr Magoo drives through Wordpress, sending hoards of hoity-toity writers into a panic.

Oblivious as ever, he proceeds to steer the ‘ole clunker into Facebook. “Zuckerberg, Zuckerberg! I heard you’re being sued again. I’ve got eight lawyers. Let me know if you need one!”

Next, we watch Magoo counter traffic across the Golden Gate bridge. In San Francisco, he smashes through the front doors of Twitter headquarters. His car stops an inch from the cheery twitter bird. “Road hog! You’re driving like a maniac!” He hollers, sending the once happy bird into a spastic chicken dance.

Alas, Magoo floors the gas and plows through a supersized Whatchamacallit that graces the set of Life by Chocolate.

Robyn: Mr. Magoo, Mr. Magoo, I’m over here! You made it!

Mr. Magoo: You’re all nuts, I tell ya! I risked my life for this! Chocolate bits project into his mouth, which he hasn't yet closed. Mmm, not bad. Not bad at all.

John Hubley created Mr. Magoo in 1949. Jim Backus--also known for his role as Mr. Thurston Howell, III on Gilligan’s Island--voiced the character. Mr. Magoo was integral to my childhood. Yours too?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

L is for Linus van Pelt!

Should have named him Linus.

I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~()~~~~o~~~<>~~~~o~~~[]~~~~o~~~{}~~~~o~~~<>~~~~o

Robyn: Today we welcome the one and only sweet and innocent, Linus!

Linus walks in shyly, gripping his blue security blanket and sucking his thumb.

Robyn: Thanks for joining us, dear. Please have a seat. I don't bite. Frankly, I rarely have the opportunity.

Linus nods and eases his way into the chair he's been offered.

Robyn: I'll let you take over, honey. Maybe that will be easier for you. Is there anything you'd like to tell us, for starters?

Linus: Did you know the conviction of an exponential quantity of climatologists expels that human activities since the industrial revolution have enmassed the content of  carbon dixoide, methane and other gases into the atmosphere therby inhibiting the escape of solar energy beyond the greater stratosphere, simultaneously and inversely decreasing the efficacy of conglomerate atmospheric particles that had traditionally absorbed these very constituents?

Robyn: I'm afraid we're out of time. She shoves her thumb into her mouth and reaches for his blanket. Linus pulls his blanket towards his heart and runs scared.

Of course, we have Charles Schultz to thank for Linus and the Peanuts crew. Linus first debuted in 1952. He and his blue blanket will never be forgotten. Thank you, Mr. Schultz!

You visited my elementary school and gave my sister an autographed cartoon of Snoopy. I'm sorry I didn't meet you. Your memory is a blessing for all time!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

K is for Krusty the Clown, aka Herschel Shmoikel Pinchas Yerucham Krustofski!


I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~()~~~~o~~~&~~~~o~~~[]~~~~o~~~{}~~~~o~~~&~~~~o

Robyn: Folks, please welcome Mr. Herschel Shmoikel Pinchas Yerucham Krustofski, otherwise known as Krusty the Clown.

Krusty saunters in, smoking a cigarette and winking at the audience. Hey, hey kids! He dips his left hand  onto his coat pocket and pulls out a kippah[1]Do you have some bobbi pins?

Robyn: Sure. She reaches into her bra and pulls out three bobbi pins and a piece of Bazooka ABC[2] gum.

Krusty grabs the items with his free hand. He presses the gum onto the top of his head-- Extra security, he grimaces --  and fastens the kippah to his three longest hairs.

Robyn: You're smoking!

Krusty: No kiddin.' I heard you're Jewish and desperate and all. I promised dad I'd look my best for this one.

Robyn: No, I mean, you're smoking. There's no smoking at Life by Chocolate. I need you to put that cigarette out.

Krusty: That's not good. He crushes the cigarette on his pants, then tosses it over his left shoulder.

Robyn: Thanks. Tell us Krusty, how are things with your dad, Rabbi Hyman?

Krusty: After our 25 year shabbatical, the Hyman's come around. Lisa and Bart eased him back in. They're a little young, but very precocious. Yeah, now Papa Hyman's fine with me clowning around and not going to yeshiva. Wanna go out?  He said I should ask. I'll give you forty bucks.


Robyn: Well, no. I read you've been married 15 times, and Sophie's your love child with Mia Farrow. That's a tad wrong.

Krusty, sighing: She's a good girl, that Sophie.

Robyn: I'm afraid they're signaling me to wrap up. You might shorten your birth name, Mr. Herschel Shmoikel Pinchas Yerucham Krustofski, before the next interview. Thanks for joining us, Krusty!

We have Matt Groening (creator of The Simpsons) to thank for Krusty the Clown. Krusty premiered on the Tracy Ullman show in 1989, along with other Simpson characters. He continues as a high and low light of the show, now in its 22nd season.
--------------------------------
[1] Kippah = Beanie worn by Jewish men and sometimes women. Even less frequently, by clowns.
[2] ABC = juvenile term from back in the day for "already been chewed" (i.e., gross.).

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

On Why I Choose Celibacy, Reasons #90-97: Being a Farther and Farther


REASON #90: Oh yeah please know Game playing thank you. Sure. Twister, Yahtze, or Ants in the Pants?

REASON #91: I see my self politically as a nonpartisan, until both of the the party start listing to what us the common man & women have say. In the United State Constitution! it say this country was found for the people & bye the people, and when two party that are running this country start listening to us the people will thing get better…Long may the flag that represents our frredom wave. Run, Forrest! Run for office!

REASON #92: hey your kind of cute evein if ya don't have your pic with a dog horse or motorcycle lol     I’d take a pic with a dog horse, but I can't seem to find any around here. 

REASON #93: must smell good and no bullshit or drama just smiles 4 miles. ya im dreaming. done the married thing. it could of worked but i didnt listen 2 well. i try 2 just smile and mind my buissness. i do enjoy fishing the outdoors and getting naked.:) Whoa! Listen, that’s not my buissness, babe.

REASON #94: Lonely dogg wants to meet you! Would you kindly tighten his leash? Thanks.

REASON #95: well hello im, i like to do many things ,hobbies are diving, fishing woodworking, cooking , i like to travel to the coast ans check out small towns, also garding to. A gal does like feeling protected. id like to meet a woman that has some iof the same intrests and i willing to learn and be oped You mean, you write for the paper? Cool!, minded- im a giving and loving man and would like to be married some day, faimley is the hub of goals i feel your would be mine , i like being a farther...music is calming to me and takes me out of self, old rock, blues, some country, bluegrass, and jazz, love it, did i sai was a great kisser ? oh well ask me anything you like lo How much a farther do you like being? ‘Cuz I like being much a farther, darlin'. Much, much a farther.

REASON #96: I'm like to stay active outdoors and looking for a healthy/active woman who'd like to share with me in my favorite outdoor activities and have me sare some of their's ; ) This may sound selfish, but, I've gotta tell ya, saring doesn’t work for me. Sarry!

REASON #97: i would say on the first date would depend on intrests of lady out going hopefully a little dancing getting to know each other try to keep it light definenately no rush or push I’d suggest barefoot boogie. It’s definenately lacking in rush or push. Good luck, Fred.



J is for Jimmy and His Magic Flute!


I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Robyn: Thank you for leaving Living Island, the set of HR Pufnstuf, for this interview.

Jimmy: What? Whe, where am I?

Robyn: You're on stage at Life by Chocolate.

Jimmy: Chocolate? What's that? 

Robyn: It's what sustains me, Jimmy. I need it, the same way you need Freddy your magic flute.

Jimmy pulls Freddy out of his pocket and strokes it lovingly. I hear you don't have access to one of these. He smirks.

Robyn's face turns red. Gimme that flute, girly-boy! I'll get it if it's the last thing I do.

Jimmy tightens his grip on Freddy and makes a beeline for Living Island.  Robyn chases him but trips on a mushroom patch, bumps her head, and gets knocked out. Will she be okay to write a K post? Suspense builds. (Hint: she may be faking it to get out of this A-Z thing.)

HR Pufnstuf was produced by Sid and Marty Kroft. Jack Wild played Jimmy. This fun, fantastical show aired from 1969-1971. I loved watching it!  Did you?




Monday, April 11, 2011

Virtual Divinity

I've experienced it. Gigi and I met through a mutual bloggy friend, Lisa/Bumpkin on a Swing, who lives on in our hearts. When Gigi saw a poem I recently posted, she voluntarily used it to create this work of art. I'm touched. It's pretty awesome to experience this type of divinity in the blog world. I hope you have too.

Gigi has two beautiful, spunky, and inspirational blogs. Her glam blog is linked above and her photo blog is here.

Enjoy all things divine!
xo Robyn

I is for Inspector Gadget!


I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~?~~~~o~~~&~~~~o~~~[x]~~~~o~~~{!}~~~~o~~~&~~~~o

Background music blasts the Life by Chocolate stage: Do da do da do, Inspector Gadget! This repeats ad nausea.

Inspector Gadget  tip toes across the stage, his magnifying glass leading the way. He stops suddenly, inches from Robyn, and shouts: "Go go gadget! Go go!" Next, he peers intently into the microscope at Robyn's shoes. Slowly and cautiously, he scans her body ending up at the one (or ten or twelve) blond (or grayish) hairs atop her head. Interesting. Very interesting.

Robyn: What are you doing?

Inspector Gadget: Looking for clues, ma'am. Looking for clues.

Robyn: What have you uncovered, Mr. Gadget?

Inspector Gadget: Absolutely nothing. There's been no activity around here in quite some time.

Robyn: Well, duh, little man. It doesn't take an Inspector's Certificate to figure that one out.

Inspector Gadget's shoe rings: Hold on, miss. He removes his left shoe and talks into its sole. Uh huh. I see. Okay. I'll be right over. Gotta go. I've got some real inspecting to do over at the set of Real Housewives.

Robyn: Thanks for nothing, Inspector!

Inspector Gadget was a joint venture between France, Canada, the US, Taiwan and Japan. This cartoon series ran from 1983 to 1986 and remained in syndication into the late 1990s. Don Adams, best known for his role as Maxwell Smart, gave the Inspector his memorable voice.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Paradise, A Town With Standards: Sundays in My City




Unknown Mami hosts a great worldwide party every Sunday. Check it out by clicking on the orange icon above this photo. 

I brought you to just one spot today, since this one's spot on. The layers of meaning (and other things) run deep.

Personal note: I respect a town that, like me, accepts clean pallets but denies sod.

Thanks for visiting! May your week ahead lack unacceptable vegetative waste!  xo Robyn

Performance Anxiety Hits Spock, A Saturday Centus

Jenny Matlock

The Saturday Centus challenges us to write a piece within 100 words, based on a prompt. I encourage you to jump aboard. Just click on the graphic above. It's great practice, and I've met wonderful peers this way. Plus, Jenny's our favorite teacher. I'm continuing the sci-fi series, with apologies to anyone who doesn't appreciate some Spock spoofing. This is a sequel to my last centus right here. The prompt is bolded.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spock Suffers from Performance Anxiety
 
Impotent under pressure, lil Spock distracts her.
 
"Look, Rita!" He points at the Sirius chamber pane in the asteroid. "We're hitting a hella rad meteor shower. Uh, April showers bring May flowers. Right?" Giggle. Snort.
 
"What the *bleep* is wrong with you, Spock? Just stick that tiny thing in already!"
 
The Alternative Temptation Matrix shoots dollars at Spock's head as he ponders a different method.
 
The camera zooms in on an unfulfilled Rita. 
 
Jones announces: Will lil Spock succeed at failing to do it? What will come of this young couple's premature explorations? Stay tuned.

Friday, April 8, 2011

H is for Handsome Prince!

I dedicate this month-long challenge to children, with nephew Jeremy topping my list. Much thanks to the animated or more serious characters who agreed (or not) to conduct interviews this month. Sure, I had to promise them 80% of my profits, but a few are altruistic to the core. At least, that sounds good. Right? My point: Have fun reading this or doing something else. Give a child a hug today too.

~~()~~~~o~~~<>~~~~o~~~[]~~~~o~~~{}~~~~o~~~<>~~~~o

Friendly Narrator (i.e., man on the street corner who needed to earn a quick buck): The role of the Handsome Prince is played by Joe Shmoe. In a lifelong search for the perfect lead man, Robyn settled for Mr. Shmoe. I might suggest she's pathetic, but it's her blog. She paid me a buck for this intro, so I'll shut up now.

Robyn: I can't believe I've finally met you, Mr. Shmoe. Where have you been all my life?

Handsome Prince Joe Shmoe: Shining shoes, perfecting my pebble skipping, and trying to keep her satisfied.

Robyn, spontaneously green-faced: Her? Who's her? I thought I was the first to find you. I'll tackle that *bleep.* Where is she?

Handsome Prince Joe Shmoe: You're not mensa material. Are you? Don't you know I married Cinderella for happily-ever-after in the 1600's and thousands of times since?

Robyn. Oh, uh, I didn't realize you were that same Handsome Prince. Stupid me. Should've known there was only one of you. *Bleep!* Well, I can't go pound on the world's favorite princess. Cinderella's sweet and innocent, and over 500 years old. Good lord, she looks good. So how's that happily-ever-after thing going?

Handsome Prince Joe Shmoe: Well, we have let ourselves go a bit since the wedding. He pats his pot belly. I guess it happens to everyone. We have 6 kids now. Currently, we're getting ready for Prince William's wedding. Gotta keep making the appearances. It's rather exhausting. She's a good one, though we're still struggling to get to know each other.

Robyn: I suppose that could take another 600 years or so. Doesn't sound so cheery. Thanks for debunking the whole happily-ever-after thing for me, Mr. Shmoe. That's why I asked you out. I mean, I asked you out to do this interview for that purpose. Do you have a brother?

The earliest versions of Cinderella were actually written in a Chinese book around 850-860 A.D. Perrault is credited with Cenorillon (the story we now know as Cinderella) in the 1600's. Disney brought Cinderella and her handsome prince to the big screen in 1950.