Thursday, July 29, 2010

Special Report & Friday Follow: The Coconut M&M





RawknRobyn (RR): Ladies and Gentlemen, Pirates and Atheists, I am somewhat thrilled to bring back to our studio the blogosphere’s one and only Powdered Toast Man! Please take a seat, ladies. You too, PTM. You can let them sign your chest later.

RR: It’s good to see you again, Mr. Powdered Toast. I must say that even before you reviewed the pretzel m&m, you were clearly excited up about the mere concept of the coconut m&m. In fact, your enthusiasm seemed rather unnatural. How do you explain this, and –the question we’ve all been dying to know: Do you have a fetish for coconuts?

Powdered Toast Man (PTM): I am addicted to coconut; it is like my crack or chocolate for you. I would inject coconut intravenously if I could figure out how. Is it a fetish if I smother Nicole in Coconut Crème Pie every other day?

RR: I’m not an expert in the field, not quite yet. I am, however, currently working on my Ph.D. in Coconut Fetishes and Those Who Love Those Who Have Them. Thus, I can say quite confidentially – I mean confidently- that you are at high risk of a Coconut Fetish Disorder. (PTM nods, grateful to have gained such insight into his problems.)

RR: Tell me, how would you describe the coconut m&m? Please keep your answer limited to 17 words or less. Budget cuts and all.

PTM: I only need one word to describe the coconut m&m and that word would have to be........
RR: (Looking at her fingers, having counted 17 of them somehow) So close! Tell us, what are the positive attributes of the coconut m&m?

PTM: - They cured my Polio.
- I gave some to the monster in my closet, and he promised not to scare me for a week.
- A tasty alternative to Viagra
- They are pre-husked unlike actual coconuts.
- They don't taste like chicken.

RR (looking excited, and ready to give PTM a high-five): You’re right! They do taste better than Viagra! –High five happens at this juncture- I finally found someone who agrees with me on that. Tell us, what are its flaws?

PTM: - These ones don't talk like in the commercials.
- They do not cure Rubella or the Mumps.
- The gas station won't let me pay for my gas in coconut m&m's, even though I paid my cell phone bill with them.
- Do not make mac & cheese with them.
- They do not make a good suppository.

RR (nodding in affirmation, with a somber expression, almost tearful): Yes, Viagra is better for that, I must say. I’m not a big fan of the coconut, but we all know how I feel about chocolate. Do you recommend the coconut m&m for folks like me?

PTM (looking highly puzzled) How can you not like coconut? Coconut and chocolate go together like lamb and tuna fish. What, lamb and tuna aren't a good combo? Who are you to say what tastes good together?...... Oh, so as camera-man #3 you have a degree in culinary arts?..... Oh, you do. Where did you attend?..... You don't say, that is a really good school. So how did you become a camera-man then?..... I see, sorry to hear that. Those bear traps can be quite tricky. I'll give you my # after the interview, we can have lunch. Do you like Chuck E Cheese?

RR (Red faced, she looks at Camera-man #3, unbuttons her top button and sticks her chest out towards him.): What’s going on? I was supposed to get a Big Mac tonight!

Camera-man #3 is now attempting to write his phone number on PTM’s chest. Audience says, in unison: “Ooohh!” RR drop kicks the Camera-man through the big glass window – Audience says, in unison: “AAhhh!”, and the interview continues as if nothing just happened.

RR: Between the pretzel and the coconut m&m, which is your preference, and why?

PTM: Definitely the coconut ones by far. The pretzel ones didn't quite taste what I thought they would taste like. I didn't notice when I ate them but a lot of other people say that the pretzels taste stale. Also I wasn't chased or kidnapped by pirates this time around. I still have rope burns on my inner thighs from being tied up.

RR: Will you incorporate the coconut m&m in any part of your upcoming wedding festivities?

PTM: Nicole's engagement and wedding ring are 23% coconut. I purchased them together to save money and so they would match. I want my ring to be at least 35% coconut and 30% chocolate. We are also not having a traditional wedding. No dress or tuxedo. We are both going to wear giant m&m costumes. She, of course, will be wearing white and I will be wearing red. The bridesmaids are wearing licorice bikinis and the groomsmen are sporting fruit roll-up banana hammocks. We will make sure that there is no eating during the ceremony.

RR (Smiling and imagining this fantasy wedding, her face and the Camera-man’s superimposed on Gilligan and the Professor’s bodies. The Camera-man has a large scar from the drop kick): Oh, sorry, we’re just about out of time. Budget cuts and all.

RR: Thanks so much for this very entertaining and informative interview, Powdered Toast Man. Congratulations on your growing following that has hit the 3-digits, too. Plus, we're all looking forward to celebrating your blogiversary with coconut m&m's.

RR and PTM shake hands. Lights fade. The last two camera men run scared. The audience continues to give a standing ovation for hours.






Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Clowning Around

I can't understand where I got the idea that the world loves a clown. Please forgive me. I was only 11.5 or so years when I drew this.

Find your laughter today! xo

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Tuesday Follow and an "If Only" Moment


If only hatred vanished, leaving just kindness behind.

Please add an "If only.." xoRobyn

BWS tips button

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Love and Trash: A Recycled Post Regarding Recycling (in a bad way)

You were unattainable. I was jealous of her for years. Your humble warm persona, creative silliness, and depth of character made you the man I wanted but couldn’t have. I didn’t plan on replacing her, after you broke it off. It just started happening. Those fantasy feelings became realized with every passing moment that we spent talking in the cozy diner, after the others had left.

I’ll never forget our 2am drive to Mt. Diablo, to view a lunar eclipse. You sang to me all the way there and back, as I faded into and out of a dreamlike state. When we got to the top of the mountain, we reclined on the hood of your car under a blanket of stars. You kept me warm with your arms and lips. We didn’t see the eclipse that hazy night, but it was so incredibly romantic that I cannot begin to reconcile it with your God damn annoying ass habits!

First: the Triple A Map folding tutorials. “It’s all in the corners. You’ve got to line them up just so,” you lectured. Why did you need a map any way, Mr. “I have an amazing sense of direction and can find my way out of any jungle in record time”? It must have been a fluke when you got lost driving through the Mojave Desert that night, which you claimed to know like the back of your hand. I just wanted a warm bed to sleep in. (Alone, preferably.) Instead, we were stuck in 3 feet of mud, with no cell phone reception or sign of life anywhere I looked - unless I counted you. And I didn’t. You offered me no comfort but two stale Oreos that you scrounged from the trunk. (Okay, that was actually rather sweet. But you’re missing the point here.)

There’s more, Kenny. Hear me out for a change. You demonstrated moral superiority via a boycott of all products made in Asia. This left us unable to purchase anything except USA Annually. And what a snoozer that publication is! Meanwhile, you insisted that I give you my car registration stickers, when the DMV mistakenly sent me a second set. Morality of convenience is rather convenient. Isn’t it, darling? What truly tipped the scales was not the night we spent stuck in the mud, the map-folding tutorials, or boycotting 99% of all products sold in the US. What marked your demise was that one astonishing moment when you reached into the dark recesses of my kitchen trashcan – I repeat: my kitchen trashcan- to pull out a recyclable milk carton. Did I mention that was my freakin’ kitchen trashcan?!

I loved you, but I forget why. I needed to boycott you, not Asia. So keep the recyclables. Keep folding your maps correctly. Keep every last version of US Annually. Keep it all. Just keep it all away from me, so I can get back to admiring you from afar. Or not.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Friday Follow and Random Randomness

friday-follow


Dear friends,

As I was perusing craigslist (sorry for using the "c" word in mixed company), I noted a listing of the best of its random ads. In my estimation, the following two are the best of the best. Or would they be the worst? I suppose, if you are dyslexic and/or standing on your head, they would still be randomly random.

I swear with every ounce of my little honest being that I did not make any of this up. Enjoy the read, and happy Friday!

SEEKING BODYGUARD NAMED BETTY
I am a Paul Simon fan in my mid thirties. As my name is Al, for the past 20 years I've been searching for a friend named Betty with whom I could sing the Paul Simon song "You Can Call Me Al." Imagine how much fun we could have singing along with the lyrics and pointing at each other when our names are mentioned! We could sing it together on road trips with the windows down, at home with our stereos cracked loud, we can smile at each other knowingly when it's played in gas stations and grocery stores and text each other when we're apart and it comes on the radio. I'm especially looking forward to acting out our own version of the classic Paul Simon Chevy Chase music video. We can post it on Youtube! Just to be clear, I'm not really looking for a bodyguard (that's a lyric from the song haha!) just a friend named Betty. If you want we could maybe sing other Paul Simon songs at some point but I'd really rather we stick with our namesakes You Can Call Me Al. Of course I want proof your name is really Betty so when we meet I'll need to see a state issued photo ID with that name. I'll also accept Elizabeth, Roberta (<--Dang! I was so close to scoring this gig!) or Beatrix. Please write back soon I can't wait to hang out Sincerely -Your long lost pal!!! BossyBetty or BettyM., please do keep us posted on this one. I can't wait to see the vlog! Note: This blogger neither endorses nor condemns this opportunity. She just thinks it's freakin funny and randomly random.

BEAT IT WITH A REAL JO-BRO -
I'm a serious bro looking for a equally/more serious bro with fancy footwork. The idea is to tie our wrists together ala the "Beat It" video and then each JO/knife fight in a profound spiritual act of consensual hetero awesomeness. I would have done this way sooner but have little faith in humanity. Requirements: -access to an abandoned warehouse (Dang, I was soo close again - minus the warehouse and sex change) -old enough/built kinda awesome -maintains good eye contact -general intensity -cool moves -shades -leather jackets ( I had to give the one in the pic back - long story, I can tell you when we finish) -Bedazzler -basic knowledge of knife/sword/bat fight etiquette (I can teach you what I know if you are pretty serious about art like me) -can lift 80 lbs -bachelor's in something or equivalent experience -not a narc Whereas dudes/J-ing O are both undeniably awesome, I'm a straight bro. As in not gay. I just really love MJ and being open minded about new JO scenarios. We will basically play "Beat It" over and over again while we JO and dance, occasionally parrying/thrusting. Winner finishes the most times, but points will be awarded for finishing first/accuracy. If you're the heter-bro I'm looking for, then we can JO furiously/competitively and then just hang or whatever. I've got laser tag too. I'm pretty serious about this. As in completely serious. If you touch my junk with anything but your own I will BF you in the M. Nerds/gays need not apply. I'M NOT GAY. P.S. - And I've gotten with hot chicks as recently as just now. "They told him don't you ever come around here Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear So beat it, just beat it" Note: In case he did not emphasize this enough, this dude is - in fact - not gay. Note #2: This blogger can not wholeheartedly recommend that you (or any earthly being, including but not limited to fungi and parasites) offer to engage in parrying or thrusting with JoBro.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Humanity, A Poem

Brotherly love: Robyn (22 mos.) and Glenn-David (5 mos.)

                     HUMANITY

It crosses the skin with a sleek caress
The joy of a lifted spirit
The shock of a life forever altered
The inertia of a dream realized
The pain of a shattered heart
The warmth of connection
The angst of not knowing
The triumph of accomplishment
The confusion of
Love and loss

It says, “Hold me. I’m scared.”
“I love you.”
“You hurt me.”
“I’m thrilled.”
“My sorrow’s ever flowing.”
“I miss you.”
“I can’t believe it.”
“God help me!”
“I have no words.”
“It’s because of you.”

A life cut short
A new start
A love cut short
A hopeful heart

Pain
Hope
Sorrow
Promise
Death
Birth

In the purest expression of humanity
A teardrop is shed.


by me today

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Wednesday Weirdness, The Camorsedugirealake

This mutant was created by my former self, age 11.5-ish (years, not months)

Post subtitle: And you thought I was weird NOW!
Post sub-subtitle: Please don't give me a grade on this one, Kal. I know my worth. I'll just head straight for the short bus when school's out.

Here's to a Wednesday that's weird in the best of ways, and to the camorsedugirealake in all of us that's screaming, roaring, quacking, and naying to come out.

xo Robyn

Monday, July 19, 2010

My Auntie Has No Tv!

Yo, Gabba Gabba,

I missed you on the weekend cus I was with my Auntie Robyn and Mommy and Daddy. My Auntie is the betterest. She cooks me yummy things like serial and french fries. We had a special dinner at McDonald's. What does "gourmet ghetto" mean? I love my auntie, and she loves me. She always squeezes and kisses and hugs me. It's kinda noying, but don't tell her.

We slept at her home, and I like-ded it, but I was fuzed. There was no Tv. I told Auntie Robyn we will buy her a Tv. She laughed and told me, for the millionth time, "You're so cute." Well, I know, but that does not have anything to do with my Auntie not having a Tv. So we went to the beach, and we went swimming in the swimming pool, and we had fun. But Yo, I missed you.

Last night, Auntie and Daddy said I could watch Toy Story. I didn't believe them, because there was no Tv. Then Daddy put the movie on this thing called a puter. I was so x-sited I kept-ded laughing. By the way, I'm so cute and beautiful and lovable. I know because my Auntie Robyn kept-ded telling me. And she's smart. And she's nice and pretty. I don't know why she's single. I'm fuzed. What does "Most single men are *****'n *******!" mean?

Anyway, I watch-ded Toy Story on the puter and it was getting late, like 10:30pm. But I like to stay up late, because I am a potty boy. So Auntie Robyn and Mommy and Daddy were all falling asleep, and I was still happy watching Toy Story. Then it ended. I shouted, "Are we going to buy Auntie Robyn a Tv now?" Because I love my Auntie and she loves me.

Yo, I'll catch you next weekend.
Love,
Auntie Robyn's precious Jeremy

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Friday Greetings, Little Rascals!












Remember watching The Little Rascals? Life was good. At least, television was good!

A bit of trivia about Our Gang, The Little Rascals:

~Created by Producer Hal Roach, The Little Rascals starred in 220 short films and one feature film from 1922-1944.
~One of these, Bored of Education, won an Oscar.
~The child actors received $40-$200 per week, and there were no residuals or royalties.
~Shirley Temple, Mickey Rooney, and Judy Garland were among those who auditioned for roles but were rejected (before their fame).
~Spanky (George McFarland) started at age 3. He was so darn cute then, wasn't he? George was on the team for 11 years. Spanky popularized the terms "okey dokey" and "okey doke."

Okey Dokey, BE A LITTLE RASCALLY THIS WEEKEND! Otay? xo

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

SPECIAL REPORT: The Pretzel M&M

Ladies and Gentlemen, we interrupt Life by Chocolate to educate and inform (for a change). This special report is brought to you by the blogosphere’s hottest celebrity and birthday boy, Powdered Toast Man. Along with recent gigs on the Non-Review, and Guilty of Gossip, the Man of Powdered Toast graciously agreed to an interview on the latest invention in chocolate: the PRETZEL M&M.


Welcome to our studio, PTM! (RawknRobyn cranks applause meter up to highest possible volume. PTM and RR go tone deaf but continue the interview in American Sign Language. You get the full version in written English, because we didn’t want you to miss out on any nuances.)

RR: Mr. Powdered Toast, you bravely accepted the mission of hunting down and then consuming Pretzel M&M’s. Do tell us about this project.

PTM: I actually wanted to try the pretzel M&M's before you asked if I could do a review of them. I saw a funny Pretzel M&M commercial and I knew I had to try them, I am a sucker for new food products. If it says NEW on the box/bag I am buying it. I searched a few gas stations but came up empty. On this past Sunday I was being chased by pirates on the way to my friend's bbq shindig when I covertly lost the pirate truck (they drive trucks now when their boats are in the shop) in an A&P Supermarket parking lot. Nicole and I ran inside for safety. When we entered we saw a glowing light coming from one of the registers. More specifically it was radiating from the candy display. There in front of us was the elusive Pretzel M&M's. We quickly snatched two bags and locked them in our treasure chest before anyone saw us. We nonchalantly left the store and devoured the candies in the car.

RR (nodding nonchalantly, looking at her watch): Interesting. What 5 adjectives would you use to describe the Pretzel M&M?

PTM (with enthusiasm and without hesitation): Salty, chocolaty, sweet, ovally and Chuck Norris.

RR: Yes, others have said the same. Now, having eaten a full package, what was the full experience like?

PTM (looking downward, melancholy): Too be honest, not as magical as I had hoped. I love chocolate covered pretzels but these didn't compare to them.There wasn't enough in the package. Since they are bigger than the plain M&M's, I feel like I got gypped. Also there was too much ham in them.


RR (whispering loudly, "Dude, you weren’t supposed to get the non-kosher ones!"): Tell us, what color did you like the best?

PTM: They come in different colors?


RR: Anyway, would you repeat the experience?

PTM (appearing seriously contemplative): Yes I would. I did enjoy them. I'm not one to turn down chocolate or candy. Except for circus peanuts, those things taste like a clown's dignity.

RR: Very true. Were there any surprises during the course of the experience for you?

PTM: I was I.D.ed when I purchased them. Apparently there is an age requirement to buy them. Unfortunately the cashier wouldn't divulge the age or any information.


RR: Yes, others have said the same. So what advice do you have for anyone considering sampling the Pretzel M&M?

PTM: Make sure you are not being chased by pirates when you go purchase them. Take a buddy just in case, and don't stare at the cashier's pulsating pimple.

RR: Sound advice. You heard it here first, folks! As we wrap up, please explain the origin of your name, Powdered Toast Man.

PTM: I saw an episode of Ren & Stimpy at my grandmother's back in the day when Powdered Toast Man was featured. It has been a fond memory with my family, him farting on their toast. My mom thought it was funny and strange. I have always loved the name. I am thinking of naming my 2nd daughter Powdered Toast Girl.

RR: Yes, others have said the same. Well, thank you so much for educating us on the Pretzel M&M, Powdered Toast Man. Sales of the Pretzel M&M will surely skyrocket thanks to you, the Man of Powdered Toast. Happy birthday, young man! (Applause meter is cranked up again. PTM and RR exchange high-fives, thumbs up, and other finger gestures. Camera zooms in on empty non-kosher Pretzel M&M package and the one pirate in the audience who appears disenchanted as he offers some unique finger gestures of his own.)

Thank you for tuning in to today's special report!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Exposed! aka Why I Choose to Spoon Chocolate

I’ve been spooning (i.e., eating with a spoon) lots of chocolate as of late. I know you're not surprised, but I’m doing it even more than usual. My personal recommendations for this devilish activity are nutella and Smucker’s hot fudge topping. As far as spooning goes, chocolate is clearly my best option. I mean, look at a small but rather representative sample of today’s prospective internet daters. Then, tell me you disagree. I dare ya.


BACHELOR #1, Mr. Liar ~A month or so ago, I received an email from a potential BDFH (blind date from hell). His profile boasted a gorgeous photo, one that looks similar to the dude above (Mike from Jersey Shore), though more handsome and less exposed. Now, why would this guy be emailing me from across the country? The man in the photo is not someone who would need to look beyond state lines, much less beyond his own bedroom, for a woman. It didn’t take a genius or a thumb tack to figure out that something was fishy. (It’s a good thing, too, ‘cuz I’m neither of those.) Upon further intensive research via the page scroll function, I noted that he weighs 276 lbs. As you can imagine, I was highly aroused by my suspicions (and by the photo) at that moment. Here’s his message:


Hey Beautiful, my name is Mr. Liar (Note that I gave him a more fitting name ) am 36 years old, i Saw ur profile and it is very nice i will like to know you,am sorry for the inconvenience. I am looking to meet new people. I am an outgoing, intelligent, honest, hard working person,i value honesty and reliability. a good sense of humor is attractive to me. im very social and optimistic. im looking for someone with the same qualities, i also have a bit of a wild side, hope u, who loves to go out and have a good time.I love children and I am God fearing.I like snow and water skiing,You are so cute dear, If you really believe in LOVE, If you want to have a future with a man who naturally knows your heart, then take my heart and let embark on a journey of bliss pleasure,contact me or add me on my IM…XXXXXXXXMr. Liar
Here’s my response:

Hi Mr. Liar, Thank you for your message. You look very handsome, but I'm confused. That picture is not a man who weighs close to 300 lbs. Is that really you? If so, how long ago? Best, Robyn

Here’s his response:


Here’s his response again:


You see, Mr. Liar did not respond. In fact, his bio has been removed. Perhaps this happened by some Higher Intervention, leaving Mr. Liar more God fearing than ever. He does value honesty and reliability, after all.

Therein disappeared the fat liar who naturally knows my heart. Therein explains my increased spooning of chocolate. But wait, there’s more!


BACHELOR #2, Mr. Simpleton~Here’s a little bit from someone else who viewed my profile, with my comments in italics:

I AM A SIMPLE MAN (clearly!) WHO LOVES NATURE AND OUTDOORS ACTIVITYS. (Such as spelling competitions in the wilderness, perhaps?). I AM NOT A LOUD PERSON NOR A BRAGER. (It’s a good thing, because nobody is a true brager, Mr. Simpleton!) I HAVE ZERO TOLERANCE TO DRUG USE, OUT OF CONTROLL DRINKING, AND LIERS. (But what do you think about liars and out of control drinkers?) At least you show us who you really are. Mr. Liar could learn a thing or two from you. Good luck to you, and I’ll see you at the international spelling bee championships next year in Jerusalem or somewhere outdoors.

BACHELOR #3, Mr. Family Orianated ~Easy going family orianated not hard to please. (Does anyone know what “family orianated not hard to please” means?) I like the outdoors along with any activities. Not a profectionest (You’re not a pro at fectionism? Sorry dude, but that’s one skill I’m definitely looking for.) but like things in place and a place for every thing (mise en place) (“mise en place” - WTF!?) Have no degree in any particulair field (Not even in English Language? Could've fooled me!) of study but have been schooled in mid-managment and culinary arts. Currently working on my masters degree of life in general with no surprise has brought me to this avenue with the hope of meeting that special person. May you find someone very, very special, Mr. Family Orianated. This gal's disorianated.

So my dear readers, all I’ve got left to say at this point is: Let the spooning resume!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Friday Follow and a Quote






When life gives you lemons, throw 'em at the people who suck. Then run fast and hide until the coast is clear. - me, anonymously



Have a good weekend!

xoRobyn

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Thanks x200!

We've gathered here in this little piece of blogosphere, all scrunched up together, to thank you. Yes, that means YOU. Don't look over your shoulder! I'm not talking to Larry (He's no stud). I'm talking to you, your beautiful self. Thank you for following me and my weirdness and my blind dates from hell and my fantasy ventures and my sorrowful expressions and these annoying run-on sentences that - fortunately - I don't spew out very often.

Thanks to the gal who did it for me this time! She is a very lovely lady with a precious baby, Isis, and a handsome hubby. I'm talking about none other than Cameron, my follower #200. Cameron is en route to becoming a teacher, and her blog is quite enjoyable. See ingenuemom.
I also thank the fabulous Trish. Trish was the last gal to do it for me. Don't get all sweaty now. I'm just saying that Trish was my 100th follower several months ago. She and her delightful husband, Matt, have been dancing to Lady Gaga's telephone song ever since I posted a silly military rendition. They switched to break dancing last week in honor of my birthday. I love them for it! Trish's blog is all things wonderful, Southern, spunky, and warm. (Trish tagged me too, but this sincere praise substitutes for my responses to the tag. Ssh.)
Next, there's my gal, the Bumpkin. Bumpkin swung by, and that's when the fun really began! Bumpkin's blog is like a quick intraveneous dose of world class chocolate. Bumpkin (Lisa) and her husband (John) are true local heroes. They are on the front lines of the oil "spill," and they continue to rescue turtles and sea life. I'm getting goosebumps just writing this. Check out her blog. She keeps us posted on the realities of this tragedy better than all of the forms of media combined. Plus, her blog is fun, meaningful, and filled with beauty.
Another lovely lady I want to acknowledge is Lydia. Lydia recently awarded me a Versatile blogger award. She's feisty, honest, and truly hilarious.
Behind a bunch of good women, there's gotta be at least 1 good man. Right? (He's checking out the view.) Actually, John is a very sincere, sweet man. I really respect his "Adult Content" blog that is also high quality. I applaud John's openness about some of life's most challenging issues, and doing so under his real name.
Sorry if I didn't mention you. I thank and love you too. It's just that I have to get up in 6 hours for a dental appointment, and I should probably floss once before then.
Have a good Wednesday. Keep faith and a stash of chocolate.
200 chocolate kisses,
xoRobyn

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Tuesday Tag Along and WTF is Going on with Blogger?

Tuesday Tag-Along

It seems we're all being messed with. I posted a test comment on my own blog, telling myself how awesome I am and stuff, but Blogger removed it. Anyway, I still want to hit 200 this week, so I'm trying again. Test comment: Robyn, you are awesome. Real Test Comment: Reader, you are awesome. Blogger, you suck right now. We can't manage without you, so get your s*t together, would ya?

Happy Tuesday, everyone.
xoRobyn

Monday, July 5, 2010

My Summer Seduction

Dear Friends, this collage represents my time in Big Sur last week. Gulp. I see you don't buy it. Well, that works for me, because I'm not all that comfortable being deceitful. Thus, I admit that the photo collage is not realistic. My "special friend," if you will (or, rather, if HE will) and I are not quite that tall relative to the setting. I tweaked the scale. Okay, carry on now. No, I mean, stay here! Carry on with reading this! It's not too long and rather tantalizing..

We met at the mineral baths. The afternoon sun pierced through the clouds, with sounds of waves thrusting against the rocks far below. He said he remembered me from when I first arrived. Flattered, I played it cool. "You do?" I asked -casually. "You are so damn cute, I could @!#$%* you right now!" I thought - aggressively. I nervously sputtered a few more words. His smile calmed me.

I didn't plan on anything like this, but I decided to give into my desires and enjoy every second of it. It was my birthday trip, after all. Life's been quite challenging, and I haven't been close to a man in, well, who's counting the hours? Okay, I am. Just carry on. Would ya?..His touch was magically warm, sweet, and seductive. He fully focused on me. I can honestly say, too, that I thought only of him. [I'll spare you the details, except to say that he was really, really good and very giving. He seemed to know just how to meet my needs.]

Eventually, I was in such a heavenly state that he seemed to assume I was asleep. I wasn't, but he walked away anyway. Truthfully, I was too satisfied to feel any sense of weirdness or disappointment. When he didn't return, I got up slowly, to gather my clothes.

I took a few steps, and there he was. He even asked how I was feeling. I wanted to say, "Wow. Wow again. Again with more wow's. You have no idea. I haven't been touched like that in..well, maybe not ever before. Kindly do it again. And again. And again. Please!" In real life, though, I tried to be suave. "Thank you for the great massage," I managed to articulate. I proceeded to leave him a huge tip.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Thanks to the Rebels!

Glenn-David, Jonathan, Robyn, and Dawn Engel in our Rebel station wagon (circa 1973)

Thanks to the Rebels

Thanks to the rebels
We can vote as we choose
Assert an opinion
And read global news.

Thanks to the rebels
Women have a voice
Workers have rights
And faith is a choice.

Thanks to the rebels
Gay pride's a fun rite
Laws protect kids, and
Our President’s not White.

Thanks to the rebels
We are truly free
In so many ways that
We fail to see.

Thanks to the rebels!